


True Beauty is Found Within

by lullys



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Beauty and the Beast Elements, Forced Prostitution, Homelessness, Hurt Jared, Hurt Jared Padalecki, Hurt/Comfort, Jensen Ackles Being an Asshole, M/M, Magic, Minor Violence, Slow Burn, Witch Curses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 21:30:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 44,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19259530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullys/pseuds/lullys
Summary: It’s a tale as old as time, but not quite as you were told.Jensen has one rule: to only sleep with a person once and never to get attached, he knows better than that, having truly learned his lesson in the past. Jensen knows he’s a heartless asshole, as he’s often called, and honestly doesn’t care. That’s why he’s less than pleased when his neighbor Chad brings an ugly homeless guy to live in the basement of their apartment building.Jared has a good heart, but is cursed when he says ‘no’ to a girl who turns out to be a witch, causing the memories of who he is and his exterior beauty to vanish. Jared is doomed to remain like this unless he finds someone with a cold heart who would fall in love with him before the last petal falls. Jared knows that’s impossible, so he slowly loses hope as the clock ticks.After all, who could ever learn to love a beast?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys! Welcome to my 2019 Big Bang! I hope you enjoy this story because I love it very much! I'll talk more about it as usual at the end. 
> 
> For now I want to thank my amazing artist and friend Mag for the beautiful art pieces she created, I can't stress enough how much I love it!
> 
> Check out the art post [here!](https://spunsugarj2fantasy.tumblr.com/post/186342253366/art-masterpost-for-lullys-beautiful-lj-j2-big)
> 
> And enjoy!

__

_The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen._

 

_**Jared** _

**Ten Months Ago**

“Jared! Hey Jared!”

Jared heard the high-pitched voice coming from somewhere behind him, he felt a strong urge to just ignore it and keep walking, but the nice manners his momma instilled in him eventually won. So he turned around, finding Kendra coming towards him and he forced out a smile.

“Hey Kendra, what’s up?”

The girl stopped in front of Jared, giving him a flirtatious smile. She had a weird aura about her, Jared always felt it every time she was near.

“I was wondering if you would like to study a bit later at your place. I could use your help with some topics.”

Jared scrunched his nose. “Sorry, I’m a little busy today. Perhaps another time.”

The girl closed the distance between them even more and touched his arm, causing Jared to feel something akin to an electric shock inside. He shivered. “Come on, Jared! Just a couple of hours, I promise.”

She winked at him, and Jared felt unease. There was something weird about this chick, he just couldn’t put his finger on it. She was an ordinary girl, petite, very fair skin and long blond hair, piercing blue eyes and a few tattoos, there was even one on her left temple. She had been all over Jared for a while now, following him everywhere and trying to get a date with him. Jared really hated to be a dick and turn her down, but he really didn’t swing that way. She just didn’t have the equipment Jared was interested in. It wasn’t like he was waving a huge rainbow flag everywhere he went, he preferred to be discreet with that aspect of his life, not wanting any trouble, being in Texas and all. So it was kind of obvious Kendra didn’t know about Jared being gay, and he avoided telling her so far, but if she didn’t stop flirting with him maybe eventually he would have to. He could end it right now but he really wasn’t in the mood, his head was killing him and he wanted to go back to his dorm.

“Sorry Kendra, not tonight. See ya later.” Jared turned around and walked away fast, missing the look the girl was giving him behind his back.

*

On Friday night Jared drove back to San Antonio from Austin where he went to college. He usually went home on weekends to see his family - and also to do laundry and eat proper food his awesome mom made - he just would have to return to Austin earlier this time since there would be a huge Halloween party at campus on Saturday night.

One of the first things his momma asked Jared after he arrived was about Kendra.

“Have you asked that girl out already, baby?”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Mom, how many times do I have to tell you I’m gay? It’s like you forgot all of the sudden.”

Jared’s parents had always been okay with his sexuality, it’s not like Jared dated a lot of guys, he only had a couple of boyfriends, nothing serious, and his folks had never minded. But ever since they visited Jared on campus and met Kendra - against Jared’s will of course - and she threw her girl charm on them, it’s like they became obsessed with her. Both Jared’s mom and dad were always asking about her, if Jared was dating her already, if he had asked her out yet. His answer was always the same, but it felt like it didn’t register in their minds. It was starting to become annoying, actually.

Thankfully he only had to endure two more questions about Kendra before he drove back to Austin that Saturday afternoon, happily taking some packed food with him for the week. When he arrived at his dorm, his friend and roommate Stephen already had their matching costumes ready for them, they were going as Mario and Luigi - Jared would be Luigi since it had been Stephen’s idea and he called dibs on Mario.

Before going to the party at one of the frat houses - Jared always mixed up their names - Stephen and him met up with some other friends at the nearby Wendy’s for dinner, and after having just consumed a nice huge burger with big fries, Jared felt much better.

By the time they arrived at the party, it was already packed. Jared grabbed himself a beer - he was not _quite_ 21 yet, there was still a few months to go - but it was not like anybody needed to know. And frankly, nobody cared.

The party was awesome and Jared had already had a few drinks when he saw a familiar face, and sadly it was too late to turn away.

“Hey Jared darling, I was looking for you.”

Jared groaned inwardly. “Hey there, Kendra. Sorry but I have to go find my friends.”

But the girl was having none of it, dragging Jared by the arm with her. “Nonsense. Let’s go have something fun to drink!”

Suddenly Jared felt overpowered, it was like he didn’t want to refuse to hang out with Kendra anymore but couldn’t tell why this sudden change. So he allowed himself to be dragged away. Before he knew it, Jared had a colorful drink in his hand and he had no idea where Kendra had produced it from, but he felt an urge to drink it. He downed the whole thing, and found the girl smiling mischievously at him. Jared felt a shiver running through his whole body.

“Thank you for the drink Kendra, but I need to go find my friends now,” Jared tried to walk away but felt a strong hand grabbing his forearm, and it felt like he had just been burned.

“Not so fast, pretty boy. Our fun is just getting started.”

Before Jared could ask what she meant, he started feeling odd. It became hard to keep his eyes open, and his body wouldn’t cooperate.

“What did you do to me?” Jared tried to speak loud but his voice came out slurred.

“Nothing dear, just gave you something to help you loosen up a bit. Now come on.”

Jared felt himself being dragged away, he tried to fight it, tried to shove Kendra away, but it was impossible, he couldn’t even keep his eyes open and was having a hard time putting one foot in front of the other, his body was ready to collapse. Eventually Jared found himself being pushed into the backseat of a car, and as he folded himself in the tight space, he lost unconsciousness almost immediately.

*

When Jared came to it again, he was lying on an uncomfortable couch, in a room he didn’t recognize. He had no idea what was happening or how he ended up in this place, and his head hurt like a bitch. Panic washed through him as he sat up, looking at his surroundings and trying to remember what happened, but he was having a hard time focusing. When he heard a familiar voice coming from behind him, Jared jumped.

“Morning dear! Was wondering when you would wake up. Breakfast is ready!”

“You.” Jared whispered as he turned around and faced Kendra, everything rushing back. “What did you do to me? What was in that drink? Where am I?”

Kendra tsked impatiently as she walked closer to Jared. “Now now pretty boy, where are your manners? It’s only our first day of vacation!”

Jared frowned at her, his mouth agape. “Vacation? Are you crazy?” He looked out of the window and noticed it was already morning, which meant he’d been out the whole night. His friends must had been worried sick about him if they weren’t too wasted to notice his absence, of course. He looked around him. “Where is my phone?”

Kendra gave him a condescending smile. “It’s safe for now, don’t worry about it. Let’s focus on us.”

“Us? There is no _us_ Kendra, come on! Please take me back home now, this has gone too far.”

Kendra pursed her lips, making a displeased sound. “Not gonna happen. I brought you here so we could spend some time together.” She sat down on the couch next to Jared, who scooted away a bit. “It’s time you find out once and for all that you are in love with me.”

Jared’s eyebrows shot up, and he gave Kendra an incredulous look. “What? Have you lost your mind? I am definitely _not_ in love with you!”

Kendra stomped her foot down, closing her fists, her voice changing its amicable tone to a somber one. “Yes you are! You _have_ to be, Jared. We are made for each other!”

Jared swallowed down, he was feeling a dangerous vibe coming from the girl and tried to reason with her. “Sorry Kendra, but we are not. I don’t know why you are obsessed with me, but I can’t give you what you want. I’m gay.”

Kendra’s face suddenly transformed into a mask of outraged anger, and Jared felt fear. “What?”

Her voice had a completely deep tone to it now, nothing like Jared was used to. He tried to keep calm so his voice wouldn’t waver. “Well… It’s the truth. I could never love you Kendra, I like guys. Sorry.”

Kendra took a deep breath, her eyes sparkling and suddenly turning a shade of purple, and got up. “No!”

Jared tried to get up from the couch, but he realized he just couldn’t move. His body was completely paralyzed, mo matter how much he tried. He looked up at Kendra feeling absolute fear taking over him. “What is happening? What are you doing?”

Kendra raised an eyebrow at Jared, looking down at him with disdain. “Well well, pretty boy, you made your choice and now you’re gonna have to live with it.”

She took a small book out of her pocket and opened it, the whole room instantly going darker and colder. Jared could feel his heart pounding inside his chest, he had never been so scared in his life, having no idea what was about to happen. Kendra started chanting words Jared couldn’t understand, her voice reaching an even lower level than he thought possible. It could be Latin, but Jared wasn’t sure. What he was pretty sure of though, was this sounded like an enchantment and he felt even more scared than he already was. Everybody called Kendra a witch but Jared had no idea she was actually one. He should have given her more credit.

When Kendra finished chanting, she leaned down and grabbed Jared’s right forearm forcefully, and her touch sent Jared’s insides on fire, he never felt such pain in his life and he let out a scream. As quickly as it came, it went away. Jared opened his eyes, breathing erratically, and Kendra turned his forearm so Jared could see the inside. There, was a brand new tattoo of a beautiful rose in greyscale. Jared jumped when he saw it, because _what the fuck_?

Kendra was up on his face and Jared didn’t have the time to question how the hell a tattoo had just _appeared_ on his arm. “Now you listen to me, pretty boy, since that’s pretty much the only thing you’re gonna remember. Since you rejected me, I made sure nobody will ever love you. Your exterior beauty will vanish, just as your memories of who you are and those who are close to you. People will be disgusted by your appearance, because I’m gonna make sure not even an ounce of beauty remains in it. Now, so you won’t say I’m _completely_ heartless, I will give you a way out. The spell can be broken, but since you didn’t give me your love, you are gonna have to find someone who doesn’t know how to love, someone with a cold heart, and make them love you. The ugly, scarred version of you. Oh, and one more detail. You must do that before the last petal on that flower you have there falls. And if you don’t? Say bye bye to your pretty face forever because you will never have it again. Good luck, pretty boy! Oh I’m sorry, I almost forgot! No more pretty for you!”

Kendra cackled and touched Jared’s face and this time the burning pain he felt was unbearable. He screamed and screamed in pure agony, his face felt like it was on fire for real and Jared just wanted to _die_ , he wanted for this craziness to be over, he wanted for it to end…

The witch let go of Jared’s face and it all just stopped. Before Jared could react, everything went black and he fell down on the couch already unconscious.

 

**Present Day**

_**Jared** _

He walks past a store with a big window in front of it, and when he turns a little he jumps, looking away instantly. He doesn’t like seeing his own reflection, it scares him. He knows he is disgusting, he has heard it many times. He adjusts the hoodie over his head, so his face can be more hidden and nobody needs to see how ugly he is.

He finds a secluded corner between two shops and sits down in the shadow, clutching his Mc Donald’s paper bag in one hand. Instead of giving him a few bucks, the last guy offered to pay for a burger and fries. It’s okay with him, it’s one less person to interact with and look at him weirdly as he buys food. As he chews the Double Cheeseburger, he does the thing he has been doing the most since he woke up; he tries to remember.

He forces and stretches his mind as much as he can, but it’s always futile. His name, for example. He doesn’t know what it is. He thinks he knew it right after waking up but it vanished from his mind. He calls himself J. That letter is all that was left of his name in his brain, the only thing he can remember.

It’s like everything is a big blank, J’s whole life until almost a year ago. No matter how hard he tries, it’s all a big black hole. J has no idea how he ended up in this city - Dallas, he remembers managing to read a sign somewhere once - all he can remember is a face. A woman, with long blonde hair and fair skin, and purple eyes. J thinks she’s a witch. She told him once that he needs to find someone with a cold heart and make this person fall in love with him. J snorts. As if. Looking as horrible as he does, he couldn’t make the greatest person in the world love him, let alone someone who doesn’t know how to love. As if this wasn’t bad enough, she also told J he has a deadline to do this. J pushes the sleeve of his hoodie up, staring for the hundredth time at the rose tattooed on his forearm. He must complete his task before the last petal falls, otherwise he will stay like this forever. Two petals have already fallen since J woke up like this, he has been counting. J has no hope, he knows this will be his fate.

He wonders how he used to be. Was he pretty? J runs a hand over his face, feeling the uneven skin there, and wonders if it was smooth once? Was his hair soft, unlike the disheveled dirty mop he has right now? He has tried to cut it a few times when it starts to get too long, usually when he can get his hands on a knife or scissors , but he doubts he did a good job. He didn’t even bother to check in a mirror.

J sighs as he finishes his burger and gets up, starting his walk back to the alley he usually sleeps in, trying to get used to the idea that this is how his life will always be. One day all the petals will be gone, and there will be no hope for him. Not that there’s any now.

*

It’s a week later when things get bad. It was actually going well until now, J was able to take a shower and get something to eat at a local shelter; he just didn’t stay long - he rarely did - because even the people there would stare at him. He had long ago learned that he should be a loner.

The only people J interacts regularly are his, well, clients. Some are regulars, come to J’s area to look for him from time to time, some only come once and never return. J doesn’t need to be a genius to figure out the reason, they can’t stand looking at someone as ugly as him. But apparently the regulars don’t care, maybe he gives good blowjobs or they are far too drugged or drunk to care about anything else. Maybe both. At least J is good at _something_ , even if it’s selling himself out. J wishes he didn’t have to do that, he hates it, always pukes afterwards because he’s so grossed out. He feels humiliated having to get on his knees for some drunk creep tasting of old sweat, in exchange for a couple of bucks so he can get food, but it’s not like J has a lot of other options before him.

That’s how things end up going bad one night. J spots this guy coming out of one of the rundown bars he always keeps an eye on, and offers to blow him for a few bucks. He is wearing his hoodie, as usual, and it’s dark so the guy can’t see his face. J’s mistake is looking up as he finishes the job, and when the guy catches a look at his face, it gets ugly. J isn’t even sure how it starts, the next thing he knows he’s getting showered with punches, he tries to protect his face as much as he can as the guy goes at him, and J falls to the ground. He doesn’t know for sure how long the beating goes on for, but eventually he hears a voice.

“Hey! Hey, leave him alone or I’m calling the cops!”

The beating suddenly stops, but J remains in the same fetal position on the ground, arms still protecting his head and eyes closed shut. When a hand touches his shoulder, J jumps away from it, burying his face in his hands and shaking, afraid he’s gonna get beaten again.

A couple minutes pass and J stops shaking enough to hear what the person is saying.

“Hey, please listen to me! I’m not gonna hurt you dude, just want to make sure you’re okay. I won’t touch you again, I promise!”

Very slowly J manages to calm down, and turns around to face whoever is talking to him. He finds himself face to face with a young blond man, and when their eyes meet, the guy startles, letting out a gasp. J suddenly remembers he doesn’t have his hoodie on, the guy is clearly disgusted by his face, so he hurries to put it back over his head.

“Sorry, sorry…” J mumbles as he hides his face. “Ugly.” He doesn’t like to speak much, actually he’s not used to since he doesn’t talk to too many people. Plus he doesn’t like the sound of his own voice, it’s as ugly as himself, so he tries to spare other people of having to hear it.

But instead of running away like J expected, the dude comes a bit closer to him, lowering his head. “Hey, sorry about that, it’s okay! I’ve seen worse, don’t worry. Like that one time at the night club ughh dude, you wouldn’t believe it! But anyway. Let’s start over. My name is Chad. What’s your name?”

J is quiet for a moment as he studies the dude from behind his hoodie. He is smiling, and it doesn’t seem like he wants to hurt J. Maybe he wants a blowjob? No, J dismisses this idea, the guy is too pretty and clearly isn’t drunk or drugged, he would never want anything coming from J. The guy - Chad - is waiting, he asked J something. What was it again? Oh, that’s right. His name. But he doesn’t have one. If only he could _remember_.

He doesn’t want to leave the guy waiting though, what if he gets mad and starts beating J like the other man did? So he mumbles the only thing he knows.

“J.”

The dude comes an inch closer and J can see him frowning. “Sorry, what’s that?”

“Name. ‘ts J.”

J can see the guy raising his eyebrows and smiling. Huh. It has been so long since anyone smiled at J. No, scratch that. He can’t remember anyone smiling at him ever.

“Jay, huh? That’s better, now I can call you something. Now Jay, are you hurt? That dude got you pretty bad.”

J shrugs. “‘ts fine.”

“Hmm, I don’t think it is. Why don’t I give you a ride somewhere?” J shakes his head vehemently, and Chad frowns. “Why not? Come on dude, it’s not a big deal at all.”

J shakes his head again and mumbles. “Nowhere.”

Chad’s frown deepen and he studies J for a few moments. When he gets it, his eyebrows shoot up. “Oh… oh. Okay, so you don’t have a home?”

J shakes his head one more time and lowers it in shame. Chad must think he’s pathetic. He hopes the guy just leaves and doesn’t mock him, J just wants to go back to his alley and lie down for a bit, his body hurts in a lot of places.

Chad makes a pensive face as he stares at J, a hand on his chin. Suddenly he snaps his fingers. “I know! There’s this small room at the basement of the building I live in, you can stay in it for a while. I’ll talk to the folks there, I’m sure they won’t mind. At least it’s better than sleeping on the streets, right? What do you say?”

J frowns. This guy who doesn’t even know him wants to take J to live in his building? It makes no sense, why would someone do that? He decides he needs to know the reason. “Why?”

“Why? Well, because I hate seeing people having to live on the streets dude, I can’t help them all but I can do something for you at least. And you’re badly bruised, do you think we should take you to the hospital first to get you checked out? See if you broke anything?”

J shakes his head right away. “No.” He doesn’t want more people to see him, hospitals have a lot of people. “Fine.” He doesn’t think he broke anything, he’s just feeling sore.

Chad nods. “Alright. But let me take you back to my place dude, I have a spare cot we can put in the room I told you about, and you could use a painkiller or two. And as I said, you can stay as long as you need, it’s not like we use that room for anything anyway. Wait, you’re not a thief are you? It’s totally gonna suck if you are dude.”

For the thousandth time that night, J shakes his head and mumbles. “No thief.”

Chad smiles brightly at him and starts getting up. “Awesome! Now come on, my car is over there, I’m on my way home.”

J starts to get up but he realizes his body hurts more than he thinks and fails, falling down back on the ground. Chad crouches down in front of him. “Let me help you getting up, k? Just taking you to the car, I need to touch you but I promise I won’t hurt you, alright?”

J considers for a couple of heart beats and finally nods, allowing Chad to help him up and half carrying him into his car, gently sitting him down on the passenger seat and buckling him up. J is still wary, can’t understand why Chad is being so nice but he’s so tired right now, he doubts things could get any worse than they already are, so why not? If Chad is not lying, at least J will get to sleep on a cot tonight and that sounds like a dream. He wishes he had time to go back to his alley to fetch his haggard blanket to cover himself up with. But hey, if he’s sleeping inside somewhere maybe he won’t need it so much.

J keeps his eyes closed and his body still during the whole car ride, and he can’t tell how long it takes to get to where Chad is taking him. Eventually he feels the car coming to a stop and the engine shutting off. J opens his eyes when Chad exclaims “We are here!”

J unbuckles and slowly gets out of the car, his body hurting even more now that the adrenaline is fading. Chad appears beside him and shows J a close building. “That’s me! Come on!” J studies the building, it has about five floors and it looks nice. J feels wary and stops. He shouldn’t be here. Chad senses J’s hesitation and places a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Come on, Jay. It’s gonna be okay, I promise.”

Even though he’s scared J nods, feeling a good vibe coming from Chad. He thinks he’s not a bad person, he won’t hurt him. So he slowly makes his way towards the building. Chad unlocks the door and ushers J inside. He takes J downstairs and shows him the basement with some washing machines along the wall and a door with a small room behind it, which is where J will be staying. Chad leaves J alone for a little while and returns with the promised cot, plus a pillow, a blanket and a change of clothes. He also gives J a ham and cheese sandwich, a water bottle and a couple of painkillers, only apologizing for the lack of a bathroom in the basement, but tells J he can use the one in his apartment when he needs to. J knows he probably won’t do that, he has his ways. He feels embarrassed for having already received so much from Chad and wonders if the guy is expecting J to give him something in return. He’s too afraid to ask though.

“Do you need anything else, Jay?”

J shakes his head, looking down at his feet.

“Fine, then. I’ll talk to everyone living here tomorrow, explain the situation, I’m sure they won’t mind. Well, except Jensen but he’s a grumpy man by nature so I’m not too worried. If you need anything else, just let me know okay? I’m in apartment 4, just ring the doorbell.”

J nods, and Chad makes J memorize the code to the keypad so he can enter the building instead of using the key. J mumbles the number a couple of times, proving he understands it. Chad tells J good night, and before leaving J timidly reaches out and touches Chad’s elbow to get his attention.

“Thank you.” J whispers, unable to keep eye contact with Chad, but he wants the man to know he appreciates what he’s doing for J. How important this is to him. “Won’t be long.”

Chad smiles at him and gently pats his shoulder. “I told you Jay, stay as long as you want. Everyone should have a roof over their heads. See you around!”

Chad leaves J alone, and he adjusts the cot on the floor, placing the pillow and blanket on top. He takes off his clothes and folds them, placing them on the floor, and then puts on the ones Chad brought him. They’re a bit too small since J is a big dude and Chad is shorter than him, but he doesn’t mind at all. He can’t remember ever wearing clothes that smell this nice. J then devours the sandwich and takes the pills Chad gave him, downing them with half the water bottle - he saves the rest for tomorrow. Finally J turns off the lamp and lies down, making a happy noise as he feels the softness of the cot and pillow, and another one as he covers himself with the warm blanket. Even with his body hurting, he has never felt so comfortable and warm before, and J doesn’t take long to fall asleep, at least for one night feeling safe. J hopes it lasts, but deep down, he has a feeling it won’t. So he makes the most of what he has tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Jensen** _

“Oh and please clean out your desk before you leave, thank you.” Jensen doesn’t even look up from his papers as he says the last sentence, and of course he misses Sophia giving him an unbelieving look.

“You’re joking right? Mr. Ackles, I only mixed up the files I emailed to two clients! You’re firing me for _this_?”

Jensen nods absently, still not bothering to look up from his paperwork. “Yes. If you were competent you would have paid more attention. I don’t want you on my team anymore. Now please leave because I have a job to do, and unlike some people, I’m good at it.”

Jensen completely misses Sophia’s eyes tearing up as she leaves his office, he barely registers the door closing behind her, completely focused on his task. Not that he would care if he did see her crying, he just doesn’t have patience for that, not one to be touched by a few tears. By the time the door opens again a couple of minutes later, the girl has completely vanished from Jensen’s mind.

“What the fuck was that, Jensen?”

“Forgot how to knock?” Jensen mumbles to his business partner feeling mildly annoyed, though not enough to make him look up from his computer screen where he’s studying a new campaign his creative team just came up with.

Jason huffs and plops down on the chair across from Jensen. “You’re a dick, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told.”

Jason leans forward on his chair, placing his forearms on the desk. “Dude, she was sobbing when she left your office. Did you really have to fire her?”

Jensen looks away from his screen just long enough to roll his eyes. “Look, I’m sorry if you were banging her, just gotta do it outside work hours from now on, you’re gonna live.”

Jason stares at Jensen with eyes widened and jaw dropped. “Dude, why do you have to be such an asshole about everything? Plus, I’m your partner here, shouldn’t I be consulted before you make these kind of decisions?”

Jensen briefly shakes his head. “Nope. I’m the majority partner, so I call the majority of shots. I wanted her gone, I fired her. Simple as that and it’s not up for discussion.”

Jason just looks at Jensen for a few moments in disbelief. “I don’t know why I still put up with you.”

Jensen barely shrugs. “You are the one who insists on being my friend.”

Jason rises from his chair and moves to the door. “Yeah, maybe one of these days I’ll have enough of it.”

Jensen huffs as he returns to his job. He doesn’t even worry about Jason’s threat since he has heard it countless times and yet, his friend never goes through with it. Jason doesn’t get it. He thinks with his heart, he mellows when faced with a pretty girl. People like that never succeed. You need to think straight, always. Leave emotions completely aside. Not that Jensen has any of those, life taught him well. He built his company with a lot of effort and because he only had one focus: his work. Nothing at all to disperse his attention, Jensen made sure of that. If it was up to Jason, their advertising business wouldn’t be nearly as successful as it is now. Of course Jensen knows Jason is competent at what he does, if he weren’t, not in a million years would he be his partner in this, even if he’s Jensen’s oldest - and only - friend.

The company is Jensen’s pride and joy, the one and only commitment he has in life since he vowed to never allow his heart to call the shots again, and he’s pretty content like this. Relationships are for the weak, they can only break you apart. It took so long for Jensen to mend himself back together, he knows he will never take a risk like that again.

It doesn’t mean Jensen doesn’t have his needs, he’s human after all. So after leaving work he heads to the bar close to his place, it’s Friday night and Jensen just wants to blow off some steam, it has been a long day. He orders a beer from the bar and scans the crowd as he drinks. It doesn’t take long for Jensen to find his prey, a guy dancing not to far from him. Good looking, fit, dark hair just as Jensen likes. He finishes his beer and approaches the dude, and it’s so easy it’s almost ridiculous. The dude - he introduces himself but of course the name doesn’t even register with Jensen - pretty much throws himself on Jensen, almost like he can’t believe his luck. Jensen knows he has this effect on people sometimes. He doesn’t even bother with minor chat, just invites whatever-his-name-is over to his place so they can go straight to business. The dude quickly follows Jensen to his car, and after a few minutes they’re climbing the steps to Jensen’s apartment. They run into Jensen’s neighbor Chad who is going downstairs. Jensen barely registers him but Chad calls out:

“Hey Jensen, can I talk to you for a second? There’s something I need to tell you and…”

Jensen doesn’t let Chad finish since this is not the time to chat. “Later, okay Chad? In case you didn’t notice, I’m a little busy here. See ya.”

“But…” Chad tries again but Jensen is almost at his door already, his newest conquest right behind him.

When the door is closed behind them all bets are off, Jensen pretty much drags the dude to his room and pushes him down on the bed, stripping down his clothes and taking his own off too. He picks up a condom and a bottle of lube from the nightstand and makes quick work of it, opening the guy up just enough to be able to enter him easily. As Jensen pounds into him he closes his eyes, feeling himself climaxing and emptying his mind. Once Jensen has come and jerked the guy off - hey he’s not asshole enough to leave the guy high and dry - he pulls out and gets up to collect their clothes. The dude gets up as well and approaches Jensen, trying to kiss him but Jensen pushes him away.

“Sorry dude, don’t do that.”

The dude places both hands in front of him in a surrender gesture and steps back. “Okay, sorry. Can I at least stay o…”

Before he can finish the sentence, Jensen cuts him off. “If you’re calling an Uber, you’d better do it from downstairs, signal is better from there. Or did you leave your car at the bar? Well, at least it’s a short walk.”

The dude stares at Jensen for a few moments with his mouth agape, but Jensen is already rummaging in his drawer for clean underwear and facing away from him. He should probably order something to eat, he’s always hungry after sex.

“Whoa, you’re a fucking asshole.”

Jensen doesn’t turn as the guy walks away and he can hear the front door slamming shut. Why do most guys have to make such a big deal out of this, isn’t it so much better to just sleep with someone only once? No strings, no feelings involved, just fun, what more could anyone want? Jensen huffs as he walks to his en suite for a nice shower, speaking to himself. “So I’ve been told”.

*

Jensen allows himself to sleep a little later on Saturday, he usually brings work home but this weekend he’s surprisingly free, having finished pretty much everything during the week. Of course there’s always something to do but Jensen had decided to treat himself this once. He cooks some pancakes for breakfast and makes a strong coffee, no sugar, just the way he likes it. After taking a shower Jensen decides to go to the basement to wash some clothes, it’s long overdue. He hates doing laundry but he honestly needs fresh underwear.

Grabbing his laundry bag and detergent, Jensen makes his way downstairs. He vaguely remembers running into Chad last night and his neighbor had something to tell him, but he quickly brushes it off. Knowing Chad it was probably nothing important. Jensen actually tolerates Chad, he’s probably his only neighbor Jensen bothers to talk to. Everyone else he solemnly ignores because why bother, but Chad is so clueless he actually coaxed Jensen into actually talking to him. Guy’s not half bad if Jensen is being honest. They live on the same floor and Jensen knows Chad is a video game developer, and even Jensen can show respect for that, since he’s also a fan of games. That’s actually how the two of them started talking, when Jensen couldn’t keep the small amazement off his voice as Chad told him what he did for a living - without Jensen asking obviously - so Chad had declared them friends, which they of course aren’t but Jensen can admit Chad’s alright.

Okay, if Jensen is truly honest with himself, Chad isn’t bad looking at all, but it’s a terrible idea since for one, Jensen doesn’t even know if Chad swings that way, and two, if they slept together and Chad turned out to be one of those who gets _attached -_ he shudders _-_ it would get awkward being such close neighbours and yeah, Jensen wouldn’t have the patience for that. It’s so not worth the trouble.

Jensen arrives at the basement and before he has a chance to reach the washing machine a door nearby opens. Jensen startles and jumps, having thought himself completely alone, and when he looks at the face of the person who opened the door, he jumps again.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” Jensen is sure he has never seen anyone so ugly in his life, while still scared about finding an unknown man in the basement of his building, but his fear is quickly turning into sneering disgust, and he does nothing to hide this fact from the man. “What are you doing here? What the hell is wrong with your face?”

The dude looks at Jensen as if he was seeing a ghost, and he starts stammering, quickly pulling the hoodie over his head to hide his face, but it’s too late now. Jensen has that image etched in his brain. A face full of scars, some of them dark red, looking like blood, some black traces like tattoos, a mop of unkempt hair that looks like it hasn’t been washed in years. Seriously, what is _wrong_ with this person? And most importantly, what is he doing in Jensen’s building? Jensen raises both eyebrows at the man, urging him to speak soon.

“So?”

“I…” The dude starts, staring at the ground and Jensen is thankful for that, this way he doesn’t have to even risk looking at that face. “I… sorry. Chad.”

Jensen’s eyes widen. “What? It was Chad who put you here?”

The hideous man nods once, and that’s enough for Jensen. He storms up the stairs, still clutching his laundry bag, and quickly arrives at Chad’s door, harshly banging on it and ringing the doorbell repeatedly.

“Chad! Open up!”

After a couple of minutes the guy finally opens the door, rubbing his eyes and yawning, obviously coming straight from sleeping, but see if Jensen cares.

“Jensen, what the....”

“What on Earth were you thinking bringing that disgrace to our basement Murray??” Jensen drops the laundry bag on the floor next to him and waits for the answer he just demanded.

Chad just stares at him for a few moments, probably trying to figure out what the fuck is Jensen talking about, but when he takes a look at the laundry bag it clicks and his eyes widen. “Oh shit, you met Jay!”

Jensen frowns and shakes his head, trying to make sense of what he just heard. “ _Jay_? Who the fuck is J-- _that thing has a name_??”

Chad raises both hands in front of him and takes a step back. “Whoa hold on right there dude! He’s a person, okay? And of course he has a name, he’s a _person.”_

Jensen huffs in annoyance, trying to keep his temper under control. “Well, then please care to enlighten me what that _person_ is doing in our basement?”

Chad leans against the doorframe and crosses his arms in front of his chest. “Well, I was coming home on Thursday night and saw him getting beaten up by a douche, guy was probably gonna kill him had I not interfered. He had nowhere to go, lives on the streets, so I thought I would do something nice and offered him to stay in that tiny room. Nobody uses it for anything anyway.”

Jensen processes what Chad just told him. Unbelievable. “And you didn’t think you should tell me about it? I also live here, ya know?”

Chad raises an eyebrow at him. “Well, I would have if you weren’t too busy yesterday with your fuck buddy of the week. Forgot how I tried talking to you? Was gonna tell you about Jay but you didn’t exactly want to hear me out. I spoke to everyone else and they’re okay with it, sorry if I didn’t notify Your Highness.”

“But…” Jensen tries desperately to come up with another reason why that freak can’t stay. “But Chad, what if he robs us? This is fucking dangerous!”

Chad snorts. “Guy couldn’t hurt a fly, come on. I am a good judge of character, for example I knew you were a douche the first time I laid eyes on you. So I can tell Jay’s good people. Your crown jewels are safe, don’t worry.”

Jensen throws one last desperate card. “Chad, have you seen his _face_? He’s hideous! We can’t have someone looking like that here!”

Chad’s other eyebrow joins the first one up. “Well, you are way uglier than him on the inside and we allow you to live here with us, don’t we?” Jensen doesn’t even bother with an answer. “Come on dude, give the guy a chance, you will barely see him. And I’m sure your sensitive eyes can handle it. Oh and please if you have it in you, try at least not to be a total jerk if you do see him. Remember Thumper’s words? If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Jensen rolls his eyes and collects his trash bag, storming off to his apartment. “Asshole.”

_**Jared** _

J tries to get used to living in Chad’s building. It’s nice to sleep somewhere inside, not having to worry about rain or too cold weather. He can never thank Chad enough for offering J a place to stay. He usually spends the day out, unfortunately J still has to do what he doesn’t like in order to get money for food. Thankfully nobody has beaten him anymore, J tries as much as he can to keep his hoodie on as he blows a dude, so they don’t have to see J’s ugly face. He is always disgusted after it, but it’s truly the only way J can think of to get food. When he’s not so lucky as to find a guy and is out of money, J has to dig in trash cans near restaurants and fast-food places to see if he can find something.

He also stops by at the local shelter sometimes for a shower since there’s no way he can have one at the building - J would never ask Chad for something like that, he has already done enough. Chad has also said J can use the washing machines in the basement to wash his clothes, and he also gave J a new pair of pants, a shirt and shoes. Now J has _three_ sets of clothes.

The residents from the building have slowly become used to J’s presence. It’s not like J interacts with them often, but he can’t help walking past someone as he leaves or arrives in the building. J always keeps his head down of course, covered by the hoodie, but always manages to let out a _hi_ so they won’t think he’s rude and decide to kick him out. J eventually starts doing small jobs around. He started out by offering to wash Chad’s clothes, it was the least he could do after the dude let him stay. Word got out and soon a few other residents started asking J to wash their clothes as well, so J does just that. He washes, dries and folds everything, he had learned how to do that at the shelter. J sometimes runs errands for them, like picking up groceries or going to the drugstore. He’s not too keen of interacting with cashiers, but he gets a couple of bucks for doing these little jobs (as well as doing the laundry) so he sucks it up. All in all, everyone is nice to J in Chad’s building.

Well, except for one person.

J only knows his name is Jensen because he heard Chad complaining about him once. It’s clear Jensen loathes J, he got that clear impression on that first day they met, when Jensen went to the basement to wash his clothes and saw J. J can vividly remember the look of pure disgust on Jensen’s face. He should have been more careful, now J always leaves the tiny room already wearing his hoodie. J doesn’t see Jensen much, but when he’s unfortunate enough to come across him, J tries as much as he can to look invisible as not to piss the other man off. But whenever Jensen does see him, J can clearly hear him calling J _freak_. J doesn’t understand why Jensen hates him so much. Well, apart from the obvious reason - he is hideous - but it’s like it goes even deeper than that. Despite that, J can’t help but think about how handsome Jensen is. He has this permanent scowl on his face, as if he doesn’t know how to smile, and J _bets_ Jensen would have a beautiful smile if he allowed himself to. J has seen Jensen arriving at the building a couple of times with different men, and he didn’t have to be a genius to figure out what they would be doing in Jensen’s apartment. For a crazy second J wondered if he should offer himself to Jensen, but he quickly had a reality check. He also doesn’t have to be a genius to know Jensen would _never_ in a million years want J, even if he asked for no payment. Better to stay far away.

*

J tries to remember everything he’s supposed to buy for Mrs. Fillingham from apartment 8. He keeps his head down while walking through the aisles at the groceries store. J finally locates the peanut butter and that’s it. He quickly pays for the items, always avoiding the cashier’s eyes, and picks up the plastic bag, starting the walk back to the building. It’s already evening, and J feels more comfortable walking on the streets, it means he can hide better in the dark.

When J approaches the building, he hears someone shouting.

“Get away from me!”

J’s heartbeat speeds up because he recognize the voice - it’s Jensen. J looks up and takes in the scene unfolding in front of the building. There’s a guy - clearly a thief - attacking Jensen. J gets closer to them in time to hear the guy speak in a lower and hushed voice.

“I _said_ , give me your damn phone!”

The guy is big and J is afraid he might hurt Jensen, he imagines that he’s a stubborn one and won’t do as the guy says. J gathers courage and approaches the two men.

“Hey! Leave him alone!” J is startled by the sound of his own voice, he has never spoken so loud and firm like this. But he shakes it off and keeps moving, determined to stop what is happening. J grabs the thief by the hoodie and pulls him away from Jensen. The guy is taken by surprise and stumbles backwards a bit but quickly recovers, and in a second he’s right on J’s face and before J can do anything, he’s punched in the gut, his bag of groceries falling to the ground. All air leaves his body but this time he will defend himself. J surges forward and pushes the guy hard, causing both of them to fall down. J hits the dude once on the face but he’s not strong enough to cause real damage, and the guy recovers quickly enough. J doesn’t even see the fist that comes flying in his direction, suddenly he’s falling sideways and everything turns black.

_**Jensen** _

Jensen is upset. He had to work later today because a fucking client just couldn’t wait one more _day_ for his ad campaign to be done, no. Jensen had to work late hours to finish up the whole thing with his team and he didn’t have time to go ass hunting tonight. And to be honest, he’s tired from all the work today. Maybe tomorrow he can find someone to blow off steam with.

After parking his car, Jensen quickly walks the small distance towards his building, distracted as he texts Jason so he doesn’t see the man approaching him until he’s right up on Jensen’s face.

“Gimme your phone pretty boy!”

Jensen jumps and looks up, finding himself looking at a dude wearing a hoodie. For a crazy second he thinks it’s Jay and he was actually right, he _is_ a thief. But quickly Jensen realizes that really isn’t Jay. This guy has one hand under the hoodie, pointing something at him. Could be a gun but he could also be pretending, Jensen isn’t stupid.

“Get away from me!”

The dude closes the distance between them even more and nudges Jensen with his gun/finger. “I _said_ , give me your damn phone!”

Before Jensen can react a voice startles him, coming from behind the dude. “Hey! Leave him alone!”

About a second later the guys is yanked away from him, stumbling backwards. Jensen can see it was Jay who did it, and before he knows it the dude gets back up and punches Jay, who quickly recovers and pushes the thief to the ground. Jay tries to land a punch but he’s clearly no match for the larger man. With one quick move the thief knocks Jay out. Jensen wastes precious moments in shock watching the scene, enough for the thief to yank the phone from his hand, grab something from the floor close to Jay and run away.

“Shit!” Jensen exclaims, pissed that he lost his phone. He will need to get a new one ASAP, and at this time of the night all stores are closed. Jensen needed to make some urgent phone calls and now he will have to wait, even if he used his landline all his contacts are on his phone -- _dammit_.

Jensen turns around and realizes Jay is lying on the ground unconscious. _And now this_. Why did this stupid dude had to meddle, now he needs to figure out what to do with him. Well, he _could_ just leave him here, he will wake up eventually and he’s probably used to being on the streets. But on the other hand, what if someone saw it, what if there are street cameras who captured everything? Could Jensen be charged for not helping a homeless dude and leaving him lying unconscious on the ground like this? He really doesn’t want to go through this hassle, he doesn’t have time for this.

So against his will Jensen kneels down beside Jay and calls his name, but the dude doesn’t even stir. Jensen avoids looking at his face because there’s only so much ugliness one can take. When Jensen calls again and there’s no answer he scrunches his face and touches his arm, shaking the guy. Jensen notices Jay has a black and gray rose tattoo on the inner part of his forearm since his sleeves are rolled up, and wonders where a homeless dude got money to get a professional tat like that. Before he can dwell on that much, Jay opens his eyes, letting out a gasp, and Jensen immediately removes his hand from his arm as if he was burned.

Jay crawls backwards looking like a frightened animal, whispering _sorry_ over and over. Then he seems to realize his face is showing because he hurries to put the hoodie back on and hide it. But before he does it, Jensen can see one of his eyes is starting to swell and he thinks he just saw some blood coming out of his nose. Jay wraps his arms around his knees and lowers his head, whimpering. Jensen has a strong urge to just walk away and leave him there, but suddenly there’s a tiny part of Jensen that tells him he can’t do that. Jensen tries to ignore the voice since it’s so foreign for him, he barely recognizes it. He is sure the reason can only be fear of being blamed later for some reason.

So Jensen rolls his eyes, approaching the trembling man. He crouches down keeping a reasonable distance between them and purses his lips. “Dude come on, let’s get inside.”

There’s no answer from Jay, and Jensen sighs, getting impatient. “Jay, let’s go already! I can see you’re hurt, you don’t want to stay out in the cold.” _And Chad will kill me if I leave you here_ , he thinks to himself.

A couple of heartbeats pass before Jay slowly raises his head, his shadowed face looking on Jensen’s direction. “Sorry,” he whispers again, and Jensen huffs in annoyance, getting to his feet. He doesn’t have time for this.

“Yeah, I know you are, now let’s get _going_!”

The hoodie moves as if Jay is nodding in agreement. He tries to get up but fails, probably due to the punch to he gut. Jensen runs a hand over his face, clenching his teeth, and against his best judgment, approaches Jay. He holds his breath and looks away as he grabs Jay’s bicep and helps him up. Jensen lets go of Jay the moment the man is on his feet, taking a couple of steps back and rubbing his hand on his pants. Jensen sees Jay carefully leaning down to collect the groceries that fell from the bag he was probably carrying before being punched. Well, at least the dude got himself some stuff to eat, so he will be all set tonight, meaning Jensen doesn’t have to feel guilty for him being punched - not that he _does_ anyway. Food will probably make the man feel better.

Jensen finally heads to the building, not looking back but he can hear Jay following him. As they enter it - Jay catches the door before it closes - Jensen turns to him quickly to make sure he’s going to the basement, but to his surprise the dude follows him to the stairs leading up. Jensen stops and lifts both eyebrows, forcing Jay to stop as well.

“Where the hell are you going?”

Jay mumbles something but Jensen can’t understand it, so he asks again, demanding for Jay to use his damn voice.

“Eight,” Jay mumbles a little louder, and Jensen frowns for a second before understanding it.

“You’re going to Mrs. Fillingham?” Jay nods shortly. “Why?”

Jay lifts his groceries bag to show Jensen. “Hers.”

Jensen’s frown deepens. “These are her groceries?” Jay nods again. “Why would you buy Mrs. Fillingham groceries?”

Jay shrugs timidly. “Some coins.”

It all dawns on Jensen and he sighs. “Are you doing grocery shopping for the people here in exchange for some money?”

Jay nods. “Said I could keep the change,” he whispers, reaching into his pocket. But suddenly his whole posture changes as his eyes grow wide as saucers. Jay digs into both his pockets and gets instantly desperate. “Gone! My money!”

Jay looks up and Jensen can see his eyes welling up, one of them more swollen and purple now, a tear falling down his scarred and ugly face. Jensen realizes the money must have fallen from his pocket as he was fighting with the thief, who took it from the ground before running off. And from Jay’s desperation, it was the only money he had for food.

“Why don’t you just get these groceries to yourself now that you lost the money? You can tell Mrs. Fillingham the thief stole them too.”

Jay looks at Jensen as if he had just insulted his mother. “No! Hers!” The dude places a hand over his stomach as if he’s in pain, or hungry - or both.

Jensen studies Jay for a few moments, deciding what he should do. He _should_ just turn around and go to his apartment, leaving Jay to deal with his own problems, which Jensen has nothing to do with.

 _But he lost his money by defending you from the thief,_ the fucking voice tells Jensen. But it was all for nothing, he lost his phone anyway and will have to lose precious time getting a new one.

 _Well, Jay doesn’t have money to buy food,_ comes the voice again. Jensen yells _SHUT UP_ inside his mind, he doesn’t want to give even a tiny fuck.

He looks at Jay, who’s clutching at the groceries bag with both hands now, holding it close to his body.

_Dammit._

Well, Jason always says Jensen is a cold-hearted asshole, doesn’t he? Now he’s gonna prove his only friend wrong.

“Okay Jay, here’s what we are going to do.” Jensen takes a deep breath before saying the next words. He is already regretting them. “Why don’t I take this to Mrs. Fillingham and you wait by my door? I’ll get you some ice for that eye and I must have some painkillers somewhere.”

Jay looks wary, taking a step back as if he’s waiting for the punchline. Well, Jensen can’t really blame him, it’s not like he has been welcoming. “Look, I won’t bite okay? That you can be sure of,” Jensen adds as he looks Jay up and down. He takes the bag from Jay’s hands - careful not to touch him - and starts climbing the stairs, turning his head around just enough to be heard. “My apartment is number 5, wait for me there.”

Jensen doesn’t check to see if Jay is following him, he quickly goes upstairs towards apartment 8. When Mrs. Fillingham answers the door, she’s surprised to see Jensen.

“Mr. Ackles, is something wrong?” All residents of the building treat Jensen very formally, since he is never friendly with anyone, and he has an unfriendly reputation, he knows it. Jensen forces himself to give the woman a small smile.

“Nothing wrong, Jay had a little accident so I just came here to deliver your groceries.”

The lady brings both hands to her face, her eyes widening. “Oh no! Is he okay?” Jensen assures her that Jay is, just a little bruised. “Oh, okay, good! He’s a good boy, sadly life hasn’t been too kind to him. He helps me a great deal I hope he’s okay soon.”

“I’m sure he will be.” Jensen really doesn’t want to chat any longer, so he just hands the bag to the lady and excuses himself, saying he’s busy.

As Jensen goes down to his floor, he finds Jay next to his door. He has his arms crossed in front of him and is a bit hunched over, as he’s hurting. Jensen walks past him and unlocks his door.

“Come on in,” he leaves the door open and walks further inside, turning on the light. Jensen turns just enough to see Jay at the doorway, looking uncertain. “Don’t expect me to play the nice host, alright? Just, I don’t know, sit down or something. I’ll be right back. Oh, and close the door.”

Jensen goes to the bathroom to grab some tissues and then to the kitchen for a bag of frozen peas. Going back to the living room he finds Jay sitting on the very edge of the couch, twisting his hands and looking down. Jensen stops in front of him and offers the bag.

“Put that on your eye. And you’d better stick some tissues on your nose and keep your head up, you’re still bleeding a little.” Very timidly Jay reaches for the items, and Jensen takes extra care not to let their fingers touch. “Better scoot back and rest your head on the backrest.”

Jay hesitates at that, and Jensen has a feeling that the reason is that if Jay does as Jensen says, he will expose his face. And yeah, Jensen is not too keen of seeing that either, so he clears his throat.

“Okay, so I’ll just leave you to it and I’ll go change these clothes and order some food.”

Jensen picks up his home phone - since his cell phone is gone - and the pizza place menu before going to the bedroom. After ordering a large pizza Jensen takes a shower and changes into a t-shirt and sweatpants. He wants to stall a bit because he doesn’t want to be around Jay much. But then Jensen remembers the dude is alone in his living room, god only knows what he might be doing there. So he hurries back to where Jay is, concerned with what he may find, but when Jensen arrives he sees Jay right where he left him, pressing the bag of peas to his eye and with tissues stuck in his nose. His face is tilted back, resting on the back of the couch. But when he hears Jensen coming back, Jay hurries to put the hoodie back on so he can at least try to hide his face. Much better.

“How are you feeling? Better?” Jensen asks from a distance, putting some effort into showing he cares at least a little bit. Jay touches his head, making a pained noise. “Head hurts?” Jay shrugs and nods only once, lowering his head.

Jensen bites the inside of his cheek as he studies the dude on his couch. He is eager for all of this to be over so he can be alone again. But he can make an effort for now. “Well, I can give you a pill to help with that, but it’s better to have some food first, it’s not good to take something on an empty stomach.”

As if on cue, the intercom rings, letting Jensen know the pizza has arrived. He lets Jay know he’s going downstairs to get the food, and is back within minutes. He puts the pizza box on the coffee table and goes to the kitchen for napkins and two cans of Coke. Sitting down on the couch, as far away from Jay as possible, he offers him one of the cans and opens the box.

“Help yourself.”

Jay hesitantly puts down the peas and takes a napkin, reaching for a slice. He turns slightly away from Jensen, the hoodie covering all of his profile as he eats. Jensen focuses on getting his own slice, and they eat in silence for a while, which for Jensen is just great. Eventually they finish the pizza, and Jensen goes to the bathroom to get Jay a pill, who takes it mumbling a quiet _thanks_ without looking up, and quickly downs it with the rest of his Coke.

Jensen takes the empty box, cans and dirty napkins to the kitchen, wondering how will he let Jay know he would like for him to go now. He has had enough of playing nice for a day - scratch that, for a whole _month_. After a few minutes Jensen walks back to the living room, and surprisingly he doesn’t find Jay on the couch anymore. Instead, the dude is standing in front of Jensen’s old piano. He doesn’t even know why he still keeps the thing, it used to belong in his parents’ house but Jensen’s father gave it to him when he moved to his own place. Jensen liked playing a lot, but he lost the will to do it long ago. Probably around the same time his walls went up and his heart darkened.

Jay is staring at the instrument as if transfixed. Even Jensen can’t help himself as curiosity takes over.

“Jay? Do you play?”

There’s absolutely no response from the dude, who keeps staring at the piano, running his fingers over the dusty keys. Jensen leans a bit closer, widening his eyes.

“Jay? Are you with me?”

But the guy still doesn’t answer, instead he sits down on the bench and starts testing the keys. Jensen can’t see Jay’s face since his head is lowered and as usual hidden by the hoodie, but he can definitely see his shoulders rising and falling, as if he’s taking a deep breath. Soon, a soft melody flows over the apartment. Jensen is mesmerized as he watches scarred but graceful fingers running over the keys, as if they know exactly where they need to be. Time fades as Jay plays, and it’s as if Jensen forgets just moments ago he wanted the dude gone. As he stands behind Jay, Jensen listens to the melody and it’s like something tugs at his heart, a melancholy takes over him, something he isn’t used to feeling anymore, something he buried deep inside long, long ago. Something that is threatening to spill out as he listens to the music Jay is playing.

Before Jensen can come out of his trance, Jay wakes up from his. Suddenly the music stops and as Jensen blinks, Jay gets up.

“Sorry, I am sorry… I. Sorry.” He mumbles over and over, always keeping his head bowed. Jensen can’t find his voice to say something to the dude, who doesn’t even give Jensen a chance to. Instead he hurries to the door. “I will. Going. Now. Sorry. Thanks for food and pills.”

Before Jensen can react, Jay is opening the door and walking outside, pulling the door closed behind him. Jensen is rooted on the spot for a while trying to process what just happened.

_What the fuck was that?_

Isn’t Jay a homeless freak? Where did he learn to play piano like this? And also, what just happened to Jensen while he was playing?

Jensen really doesn’t want to think about any of those questions right now, he does not want to deal with it now or ever. So he walks to his liquor cabinet and finds himself his beloved Jack Daniels bottle. Surely the best way to take his mind off things for now, and just what Jensen needs. And besides, Jay is not important enough to bother Jensen like this. It was just a moment of insanity. It will go away soon enough.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Jared** _

J hurries to his room in the basement, closing the door and sitting on his mattress. He brings his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them, staring at the closed door, his mind reeling a mile a minute. What did he just _do_?

So many things happened in the last couple of hours, J’s mind is buzzing. All he did was to go out for some groceries, and everything went out of control from there. Somehow he ended up at Jensen’s apartment - the only resident who didn’t like him one bit and always made this very clear - and as if this wasn’t weird enough, J _played the guy’s piano_. Seriously, what’s wrong with him? It felt like J was in a trance when he saw the instrument in Jensen’s living room. He felt a connection, he instantly knew he could play it. J can’t tell how, he just knew. The keys felt familiar under his fingers, and the music came naturally. It took a while before J came to his senses and realized what he was doing. Even worse, Jensen was watching him. If he thought J was a freak before, now he must be completely sure. But even knowing what he did was wrong, J enjoyed playing. He felt good doing so, in a way he hadn’t for a long time. He wished he could play again, but he knew it was more likely for Jensen to kiss him than allow him to play his piano again. Neither of those things would ever happen, and J knows it very well.

But after all of the events of tonight, J is able to come to one conclusion: Jensen is not all bad. Inside him somewhere there is a nice man, hidden by a strong façade. J can’t tell how he knows it, he just _does_. Inside he feels a tingling, that started the moment Jensen touched J while trying to wake him up after getting knocked out by the thief. It just felt warm somehow, and the feeling only grew as Jensen took J to his home to help him. If he was all bad, he wouldn’t have cared not even one bit, he would have left J out on the street, wouldn't have given him food. Maybe Jensen won’t hate him so much now. J will try as hard as he can to be nice to Jensen when he sees him. He will cover his face even more so Jensen doesn’t have to look at it, and he will be nice. Maybe he could see Jensen smiling someday. J makes a bet with himself that Jensen has the most beautiful smile in the world. As J wonders, another petal falls from the rose tattoo on his arm. His time is slowly running out, alongside his hope.

*

A couple of days later J is sitting in the basement just outside his cubicle having a hot dog he managed to buy after doing a “job” on the previous night - J shivers as he remembers the gross dude - when Jensen comes in holding a laundry bag and detergent, looking like he’s in a hurry, and J immediately puts the hoodie on. Jensen startles when he sees J there, but gives him a short nod.

“Hey Jay, what’s up?”

It’s not like Jensen is expecting any answer since he immediately turns to the washing machine, but J gets up anyway, taking a cautious step forward and keeping his head down.

“Jensen… sorry about--piano. I didn’t. Um.”

Jensen barely looks at J as he waves him off. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Now excuse me, I have a lot of things to do so I need to do this quickly, I’m almost out of clothes.”

J takes another small step closer, wrapping up what’s left of his hot dog and stuffing it inside his hoodie pocket. He points at the laundry bag Jensen put on the floor. “I can. Do it.”

Jensen turns to face J, and he’s frowning. “You can do what?”

“Laundry,” J shrugs. “I can. For you.”

Jensen’s frown deepens. “You know how to do laundry?”

J nods once. “I do it. For them.” He points up, so Jensen knows he means the residents of the building.

Jensen’s eyes widen as he gets it. “Oh, you do it for some change like the groceries?”

J nods again.

Jensen is quiet for a few moments, as if he’s considering. Finally he makes a noise of agreement - at least J thinks that’s what it is. “Fine. It _would_ save me some time alright. I need to be at the agency soon anyway.” He suddenly narrows his eyelids, looking at J suspiciously. “You’re not gonna ruin any of my clothes, are you? There is some expensive shit in here ya know.”

J shakes his head vehemently. “Won’t. Promise.”

Jensen purses his lips and checks his watch. “Okay, fine. You can do it. I’ll come back here to get the clothes when I’m back from the agency.” He lifts his eyebrows as he looks at J as if to get his point across. “Be. Careful.”

J opens his mouth to say that he will, but Jensen is already walking away. J feels nice that Jensen trusted him to do something as important as this. He will make absolutely sure Jensen’s clothes will be as good as new. Maybe that will get Jensen to like him a bit.

J turns the laundry bag upside down to throw everything on the floor so he can sort it out, and when he picks up a sheet, something falls to the floor. J frowns as he bends down to pick it up. He examines the object in his hand, it’s a metal golden ball with silver wings on the sides, and it’s attached to a silver chain. J knows what this object is, but the name escapes him. As he brings it closer to his face, he can see there are things written on the ball, although he just can’t make out the cursive letters. But J understands this is probably Jensen’s, and more likely than not it wasn’t supposed to be inside the laundry bag. J puts the thing in his hoodie pocket, intending to give it back to Jensen along with the clothes. Hopefully Jensen will even be happy J found his thing.

Much later, J has all of Jensen’s clothes, sheets and towels washed, dried and folded into neat piles inside his laundry bag. He feels proud of his job, and he can’t wait for Jensen to arrive so he can give them back to him. J sits down against a wall at the basement, choosing a position he can see the front door of the building, so he doesn’t miss Jensen arriving. He’s almost dozing off when he finally hears the door opening. As J sees the familiar face entering the building his face lights up, but a second later his smile fades completely. Behind Jensen comes another guy, and J watches from his hidden spot as Jensen closes the door and the dude kisses his neck from behind. Jensen makes a sound of pleasure and turns around to look at the other man. J can see Jensen wants him. He pulls him by the hand and they disappear from J’s view as they climb the stairs to Jensen’s apartment.

It takes a while for J to force himself to look away, even if both men are long gone by now, inside Jensen’s apartment doing something, something Jensen would never do with J. Slowly he gets to his feet and goes to collect Jensen’s laundry bag, taking it with him inside his room, he doesn’t want to risk anything happening to it as he sleeps. He will give it back to Jensen in the morning. J stays awake for a long time, the face of that unknown man imprinted in his brain. J wishes he was as beautiful as him, so Jensen would like him too.

_**Jensen** _

Jensen wakes up in the morning feeling sated from last night. He wasn’t planning on going out, he _was_ kind of tired, but when he left the agency Jensen decided to blow off some steam. He found a cute whatshisname at the bar and took him home. After getting his way with him, Jensen of course sent the dude on his way. He wasn’t pleased but who cares. Jensen was tired so he just took a quick shower and got into bed.

He still has some time until he needs to be at the agency, so he takes some time stretching. Jensen looks behind him at the headboard, and his heart skips a beat. Jensen sits up in a second, looking around the bed. Finding nothing he gets up and crouches down on the floor, checking under the bed, behind the nightstand, everywhere.

_Where is it?_

Jensen feels like he’s starting to have a panic attack, he’s always so self centered but now he’s _losing it_. It can’t just have disappeared, it was just here yesterday. Jensen tries to calm down enough to process, to _think,_ when the doorbell rings. He considers ignoring it, he has more urgent matters to deal with now, but the damn fucking thing rings again. Cursing, Jensen hurries to the door and swings it open, finding Jay standing on the hallway.

“What?” Jensen sounds rude as hell but there’s no way he could care less.

Jay stretches his arm, keeping his head low, handing him the laundry bag. “Your clothes,” he says in a small voice.

Jensen harshly grabs it and throws it on the couch. “Thanks,” he murmurs already with his mind somewhere else, but as he motions to close the door, he hears Jay’s quiet voice again.

“Wait.”

Jensen rolls his eyes and lets out an annoyed breath, but next thing he knows, Jay has his open hand stretched out towards him again. And when Jensen sees what’s in it, everything else fades away. Jay is holding his Golden Snitch keychain.

 _He_ was such a Harry Potter geek.

“Where did you get this?” Jensen’s voice comes out almost as a scream, and he takes a step forward. He’s seeing red, blind fury taking over him. “Did you steal this from me?”

Jay immediately wraps his arms around his bowed head, trying to protect himself, and amidst the fog of fury in his brain Jensen can hear from afar Jay trying to say something.

“Sorry… the sheet… sorry…”

Jensen’s body stills just a couple of feet away from Jay and he blinks a few times, forcing himself to pull himself back together.

“What?” He barks at Jay, who peeks out through his arms, clearly afraid Jensen will hit him. “What did you say?” Jensen asks again, more urgent, because he’s actually not far from doing it unless there’s a good explanation.

Jay tries again. “Found it in the sheet, I’m sorry.”

Jensen purses his lips as he stares at Jay for a couple of seconds. Then he snatches the keychain from his hand and closes the door harshly on Jay’s face.

Holding the keychain tight in a fist, Jensen returns to the bedroom and sits down on his bed, fighting hard for control, and more importantly, trying to understand what just happened, how his keychain ended up with Jay. He thinks back to last morning, when he stripped all the sheets off his bed. Jensen wasn’t paying much attention to what he was doing, since he was on the phone with one of his assistants and he wasn’t very happy with the conversation. The keychain always hangs from a metal bar on his headboard, _always_. Jensen has his walls way up around him, but that’s the one single piece he allows inside. It must have fallen off as Jensen tugged at the stubborn sheet, and probably he put it inside the laundry bag without realizing? That sounds reasonable enough, if Jay says he found it tangled in the sheet. Yeah that makes sense.

Jensen stares at the keychain in his hands, studying it for a few moments. There are initials carved on it.

_J.A. + J.H._

Before Jensen can feel something he doesn’t want to, he places the keychain back in place on the metal bar. Then he goes to the bathroom for another shower. As the hot water falls on his body, the image of Jay forces its way into Jensen’s mind. How scared he looked, how he folded his body inwards and tried to protect himself--

Because he thought Jensen would hit him.

And Jensen almost did. He was so out of his mind, he almost hit Jay.

Jensen tries to force those thoughts away, Jay was holding his keychain and Jensen just lost it, he had a good reason for doing so. Jensen dries himself and gets dressed, and as he collects his stuff so he can go to work, he sees the laundry bag on the couch. Jensen suddenly remembers Jay would be expecting a few coins for doing the laundry, and of course Jensen completely forgot about that with all that happened. So Jensen stops by the basement before going to work to pay Jay, but finds the place empty. He will talk to the dude at some other time, then. Jensen has other things to worry about after all.

*

Jensen has a day of hell at work, he is still shaken from what happened in the morning, he can’t stop thinking about that stupid keychain and what it means. If he had lost it… Jensen doesn’t even want to think about it. Instead he tries to focus at work and even works a few extra hours, arriving home much later than usual and feeling exhausted, the only thoughts in his mind are taking a nice shower and going to bed. Jay barely registers in his mind.

On the next morning Jensen is leaving to work, and as he reaches the top of the stairs leading to the front door, distracted as he types a text on his new phone with one hand, he hears voices. Jensen lifts his head and sees Chad and Jay talking by the front door. He stops where he is, doesn’t feel like interacting, much less at this time in the morning. Jensen sees Chad handing something to Jay as he speaks.

“Just had a leftover muffin Jay, thought you’d like to have something for breakfast.”

Jay doesn’t have his hoodie completely covering his face this time, and at the same time Jensen cringes as he takes in Jay’s scarred and marred face, he sees something else. Jay’s face transforms as he takes the muffin from Chad, and Jensen tries to search his brain to come up with the definition of that expression, since it has been years that it was directed at him by anyone. It takes a couple of heartbeats but Jensen finally gets it: Jay is grateful. The way he whispers _thank you_ to Chad, it’s like the words come from deep inside him, gratitude pouring out of every syllable. Jensen is struck by it. _It’s just a muffin_. Not even a fresh one, and those things cost what, a dollar? He doesn’t understand why all this commotion over a simple muffin.

As Jensen thinks about it both men say their goodbyes, Jay goes back to the basement and Chad leaves the building. Jensen stays in place for another minute as not to risk running into Chad outside, he’s _that_ antisocial.

The day at the agency is of course busy as usual, and thoughts of Jay and the muffin are pushed to the very back of Jensen’s mind. His secretary reminds him that there’s a dinner scheduled for this evening with a potential client for the agency. So Jensen leaves earlier to be on time for the meeting, he doesn’t like making people wait, especially if it’s a potentially profitable client since time is money. Jensen drives to a fancy steakhouse, one of his favorites. He’s a Texan dude after all, and he sure does enjoy a good juicy steak.

Jensen arrives only a couple of minutes after the woman he’s supposed to be meeting, who introduces herself as Mrs. Herzberg. The meeting goes by uneventfully as they discuss business, and finally the food arrives. Jensen is used to the food from this restaurant, but for the first time, for some reason, it registers in his mind that _it’s a lot of food_. Jensen chuckles to himself as he thinks about the sad muffin Jay got this morning, such a contrast between that and the amazing meal laid out in front of him right now, he wonders what Jay would say if he saw all of this. Jensen wastes no time digging in, the huge steak looking completely inviting.

But as he takes the first bite, the food tastes sour for some reason. He can’t chew the steak and Mrs. Herzberg picks up on it. “Something wrong with the food, Mr. Ackles?”

Jensen’s eyes widen at her and he shakes his head, trying to swallow the food so he can answer the question. “No, it’s fine.”

The image of Jay’s face, so grateful for receiving a simple old muffin, hits him like a train. Suddenly Jensen feels strange for having this huge amount of food only to himself while Jay had a single muffin, and god knows if he managed to get something else to eat today.

Jensen tries to shake the thought away, _he’s not your problem. Stop it._ To prove he can, Jensen starts eating more avidly, but the whole thing just doesn’t taste right, and soon he loses his appetite altogether. He stares at all that leftover food, knowing he won’t be able to eat it, and wonders what he should do.

 _Take it to Jay_ , says the fucking annoying voice. Well, Jensen could do that. It would be nothing but a good deed. Don’t people always claim he’s a heartless asshole? Well, he can prove them all wrong. Jensen can do charity, don’t people do it all the time to excuse their shitty behaviors? He can start with Jay, he’s _definitely_ a charity case. Plus, he’s already living in his building, meaning Jensen wouldn’t have to get out of his way to be charitable. It’s convenient, even.

Jensen gives the lady an apologetic look, claiming he’s not feeling too well today, he makes up an excuse about eating something at lunch that didn’t sit well with him and says he’s taking the food home to enjoy it later. Jensen waits for her to finish her meal to ask the waiter to wrap up the food for him. Jensen finishes the meeting - which is a success despite everything - with his mind elsewhere already. They finally say their goodbyes and part their ways, Jensen making the short drive back to his building.

As Jensen arrives, he stops by his apartment first to heat up the food a bit and also get some silverware, Jay may be a freak but he doesn’t need to eat with his hands like a caveman. Then he goes to the basement and knocks on the door of Jay’s tiny room. The dude opens it with the hoodie on, his face down. He looks up just enough to see who it is, and when he realizes it’s Jensen his eyes widen and he instantly lowers his head again.

“Sorry--I am sorry about yesterday, I… Jensen I…” Jay starts rambling and Jensen cuts him off, holding up a hand.

“Okay dude, stop! It’s okay, actually I’m here to apologize to you.” The word feels foreign in Jensen’s lips, he can’t remember the last time he apologized to anyone. It’s weird. “I, humm--well, I overreacted yesterday, shouldn’t have yelled at you. So for that I’m sorry.”

There’s silence for a few moments and then the hoodie moves up and down. “Okay,” Jay whispers.

Jensen offers him a bag with the food containers. “Look, I just went to dinner and there are a lot of good leftovers, maybe you’d like some. As an apology for yesterday.”

Very slowly Jay lifts his hand, hesitating a few times as if he’s afraid Jensen will hit him. Jensen fights the urge to tell the dude to _just take it,_ and he tests his patience. Jay finally grabs the bag, and as he brings it closer to him and opens it, a nice smell fills the air. Jay looks at it as if it’s at a pot of gold. Jensen reaches into his back pocket, coming out with a ten dollar bill, and he also hands it to Jay.

“This is for my laundry, I realized I didn’t pay you for doing it yesterday.”

Jay also takes it and stares at the bill as if he’s seeing an alien. For a moment he forgets he’s supposed to hide his face and stares at Jensen with wide eyes. “Too much.”

Jensen scoffs. “Dude that’s ten bucks. I’m sure I’ll live.”

Jay looks at him for a long moment as he holds the food and the money, and Jensen’s heart jumps as he suddenly realizes the guy is looking at Jensen with the same expression he used with Chad this morning.

“Thank you,” Jay whispers, his voice filled with so much emotion it hits Jensen hard. He suddenly feels uncomfortable, scratches the back of his head and purses his lips, looking anywhere but Jay.

“It’s no problem,” Jensen says as he swallows hard. “Listen, hm--I need to go back home, long day, so… well, enjoy your meal. I’ll--yeah. Good night Jay.”

Jensen doesn’t wait for an answer as he turns around and pretty much runs upstairs, leaving a dumbstruck Jay behind.

This time Jensen can’t push the guy to the far end of his mind. He’s there as he takes a shower, goes through his nightly routine and gets into bed. He’s there for a long time, his expression keeping Jensen awake for hours.

*

The next morning at work Jensen is still bothered by the events from the previous night. And apparently his attempts at pretending he’s just fine don’t work very well since Jason corners him right after lunch.

“Okay dude, what’s gotten into you?” His friend asks as he sits down across him in Jensen’s office.

“Dunno what you’re talking about,” Jensen answers with his eyes on his computer, not bothering to stop his work to talk to Jason.

But his annoying friend is having none of it, he reaches out and turns off the computer monitor, causing Jensen to protest loudly. “Hey!”

Jason doesn’t even try to look apologetic. “Sorry dude, you’re not getting away with it, and if you don’t pay attention to me now, I’ll unplug your computer. So come on, what’s going on? You’ve been acting weird all morning and I want to know what it is. Is it because of…”

“No!” Jensen stops Jason before he says _his_ name. He can’t hear it, not now, not ever. So he sighs, it’s better to just tell Jason rather than to have him bring up things he doesn’t want to hear about. “It has nothing to do with that. It’s just… look, it’s ridiculous okay? I guess I haven’t been sleeping well lately or something and this whole thing just got to me.”

Jensen briefly tells Jason about Jay, how Chad brought the ugly man to live in their basement, how he helped Jensen when he got mugged, how Jay did his laundry and how Jensen brought him food.

“Look, I’m trying to be a decent person, okay? You all always bug me about what an asshole I am, and you more than anyone know why I am like this. So I guess I’m just trying to do a charity, and Jay is the closest charity case I know. I’m just not sure why this is bothering me so much, that’s all.”

Jason sighs and bites the inside of his cheek as he studies Jensen. He leans back on his chair as he looks at his friend. “Whoa dude, this situation really messed you up. Your heart has been dead for so long it’s no surprise you’re bothered when it finally feels a little something.”

“Fuck off,” Jensen says as he rolls his eyes.

“No I mean it!” Jason leans forward and leans his forearms on the desk, linking his fingers. “Look, why don’t you try helping other people as well? Donate to other charities, bring food to shelters or something like that. Maybe it will help you.”

Jason does have a point. Maybe Jensen is feeling weird because he is not used to do this kind of thing, so perhaps doing other charitable works will help put his mind at ease. He can do it. “Yeah I guess you’re right, I’ll try doing that.”

Jason raises his eyebrows at Jensen and leans back on the chair again. “Dude, I’m gonna send this Jay dude some flowers if he was really able to help you get your head out of your ass!”

Jensen mumbles the words before he can stop himself, looking down at his stack of papers. “Dude doesn’t need flowers, better send him some good takeout food.”

Jensen looks up just in time to see Jason’s eyes go as wide as saucers. “Whoa, call the press! Jensen Ackles is thinking of someone _else’s_ needs? Where’s Jensen you evil doppelgänger? I’m gonna have to ask you some security questions to make sure it’s really you.”

“Shut up,” Jensen throws an eraser at Jason’s head, as he ducks and laughs.

“Man, that dude really did a number on you!”

Jensen turns his monitor back on and doesn’t answer his friend.

*

Jensen leaves work earlier and goes to Costco, where he buys food and basic needs supplies to take to the nearest shelter. Parking his car in front of it, he goes inside and asks for help to carry everything inside. Jensen tries to leave before he has to interact with more people, he already did his good deed after all, but he doesn’t get a chance to leave quickly; a group of homeless people comes to talk to him, thank him for what he brought them, obviously seeing the items he just delivered. Jensen tries to force himself to talk to them, after all he just did for these people what he did for Jay, he _should_ be feeling the same way he did back then, shouldn’t he? Jensen forces out smiles and tries to nod at people and say a few _you’re welcomes_ as a response to the bunch of _thank yous_ thrown at him. Eventually Jensen starts feeling really uncomfortable among all those people, so he makes up an excuse about having to leave, and hurries out the door. He sits down in his car and lets out a breath, resting his head against the seat and closing his eyes. What the fuck is wrong with him? Well, apart from the obvious, of course. He did what Jason suggested, he did more charity because that was supposed to help with whatever is bothering him. Sure, he does feel good about helping more people who have nothing, but he doesn’t feel the same way he did yesterday with Jay, not even close.

Jensen feels like he’s missing something here, he just can’t figure out what. Sighing, he starts the car and drives home, hoping to get at least a decent night of sleep.

*

Jensen decides to spend a lazy Saturday morning after everything that happened this week, he needs to give his mind some rest. So he has breakfast and decides to watch some Netflix, he should go to the groceries store to get some stuff but he’s feeling too lazy to do that. Maybe later.

He’s in the middle of an episode of The Sinner when the doorbell rings. Shit, must be Chad coming to ask for something. Scoffing, Jensen pauses the episode and gets up from the couch, dragging his feet to the door and opening it.

“What?”

Instead of Chad, he finds Jay at his doorstep, as usual keeping his head down. He takes a step back at Jensen’s dubious welcome. “Hey Jensen, I--sorry to bother.” Jay extends his hand and Jensen sees he’s holding the knife and fork he lent the dude couple of days ago. “R--returning those to you.”

Jensen deflates at that, regretting how rude he was. It’s just second nature to him. He takes the silverware from Jay and tries to force a smile at him. “Hey, sorry about that, I thought it was Chad. Thank you for returning those, was the food alright?”

It’s hard for Jensen to force himself to be this nice, he’s definitely not used to this. But sometimes keeping his walls up gets exhausting. As well as being an asshole all the time.

Jay nods at his question, and the words are out of his mouth before Jensen can stop himself.

“Why don’t you come inside a bit?”

_What the hell?_

Jay looks hesitant - Jensen doesn’t blame him - and an idea just strikes Jensen. “Seriously dude, come inside. I have a favor to ask you.”

Finally Jay nods and slowly walks inside, Jensen closes the door behind him. Jay raises his head a bit, so Jensen can see a part of his face. He tries to see past the ugliness in there, even though it’s so hard not to cringe. He forces out a smile hoping it comes off as friendly.

“So, I need to get some groceries but am too lazy to do so. Would you mind running to the store for me?”

Jay nods. “I can.”

“Good, thanks! I’ll be right back.”

Jensen goes to get his wallet and returns to the living room. Suddenly he feels uncertain. “So, hm… should I make a list? Can you read?” Jensen doesn’t want to insult the dude but he needs to know.

Jay shakes his head. “Not much. I remember.” He points at his head with a finger, and Jensen gets it. So he recites everything he needs, hoping Jay can indeed remember. He takes some bills out of his wallet and hands them to Jay.

“This should cover it.” On a whim, he takes another 20 and hands it to Jay. “Why don’t you bring us both some subs for lunch? And a Coke too?”

_What the hell?_

Jay’s face comes more into view, and he gives Jensen a small smile. “Really?”

The smile that forms on Jensen’s face comes before he can refrain it. “Yeah, really. Now go! And I’d like tuna, please.”

As Jay leaves and Jensen closes the door behind him, the same words come back to him, ringing in his ears. _What the hell?_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Jared** _

J has no idea what’s going on and he feels confused as he walks to the grocery store for Jensen. Jensen doesn’t like him, J could always see from the grossed out look on his face every time he looked at him. Jensen was so mad when J brought him the thing he found in the sheet, J thought Jensen was going to hit him, he felt so scared. But Jensen didn’t, and J thinks now that thing is important to him for some reason, from the way he overreacted when he saw J holding it.

And then Jensen _apologized_ to him. That’s something J never thought would happen, Jensen doesn’t seem the type of guy who apologizes to anyone for anything. Not only that, he brought J food - amazing, delicious food. J can’t even remember having something as good as that, _and_ it was warm. Plus, he gave J _ten bucks_. It was hard for J to hold on until Jensen was out of sight before finally allowing his tears to run down freely.

J of course went to Jensen’s apartment to return the knife and fork he borrowed, and something very weird happened. Jensen was kind of nice to him. He invited J in and asked again for J to do him a favor. J made sure to listen very carefully as Jensen recited the list of groceries, he wants to get everything right so Jensen won’t be mad at him. J gets everything he needs from the store, going over the list ten times in his mind to make sure he did it right. Then he gets the subs, one for Jensen and one for himself, and he chooses to have one exactly like Jensen’s, because if he likes it then it must be good.

Arriving at Jensen’s apartment he rings the bell, and soon Jensen opens it wide, allowing for J to come inside. He actually gives J a small _smile_. Well, it’s very tiny and gone in a second, but J knows he saw it. It’s so different from the way Jensen used to look at him, he doesn’t even try to hide his face completely everytime he looks at Jensen anymore. Just the worst parts of it.

They eat in silence, and J barely even notices if it gets uncomfortable or not because he’s too focused on the good sandwich he’s having. J finishes his before Jensen does because he just can’t stop eating. He stays in silence as Jensen finishes not wanting to risk being rude. So he allows his gaze to travel around the living room, and before J can help himself of even realize it, he focuses on the piano, remembering the way he played the other day. J can’t explain how he knew how to play it, the knowledge and music just welled up from inside him. He looks at the instrument with a longing he can’t explain, unable to even put a name to the feeling.

“Wanna play again?”

J startles as he hears Jensen’s voice beside him, having zoned out for a moment. Suddenly J is hesitant, afraid Jensen may be mad at him. When J looks at him, it doesn’t _seem_ like Jensen is mad though, his face is not as it was that other day. So J gathers up his courage and gives Jensen the tiniest nod because yes, he does want to play, very much.

“Okay go ahead then, I could eat with a soundtrack.” Jensen speaks as he takes another bite, and J doesn’t waste any time rushing to the piano.

He sits down and stares at the keys, feeling a strange sense of belonging. J does the same thing he did the other time, he allows his instincts to take over as he starts playing, his fingers running freely through the keys. J closes his eyes as the music takes over him, bringing up feelings that are so familiar but he can’t quite grasp them. It feels like playing connects J to a past he doesn’t remember, a previous life he doesn’t know.

As J finishes, he timidly turns around to look at Jensen, who has finished his sandwich and is now looking at him with an expression J can’t quite figure out. J is afraid he screwed up somehow.

“Bad?” He asks in a low voice, really hoping Jensen doesn’t go back to hating him again.

The man blinks a few times as he looks at J, and shakes his head. “No dude, not bad at all! That was actually quite good, where did you learn how to play like this?”

J bites the inside of his cheek for a few seconds as he tries to remember, he forces his mind because he wants to answer correctly, but he can’t. So he shrugs. “I dunno.”

Jensen frowns, studying J for a while. “Where are you from, Jay? How did you end up living on the streets?”

J shrugs again. “Dunno.”

Jensen’s frown deepens. “What about your family? Where are they?”

J feels ashamed that he doesn’t know anything, specially about his family. Everyone has a family but him and he can’t even tell why, so he shrugs, shaking his head.

Jensen stays in silence for a while, probably processing it, and J is afraid he’s gonna kick him out for not knowing anything. But Jensen just put his Coke down on the coffee table and leans forward, keeping eye contact with J.

“What do you remember, Jay? What happened to you?”

J purses his lips as he tries to gather what he knows about himself. “Dunno much. Woke up like this a while ago. Can’t remember.”

Jensen frowns again. “So you’re saying you don’t remember anything about your life?”

J lowers his head, feeling embarrassed, and shakes his head.

“Whoa.” That’s all Jensen says and they stay in silence for a few minutes. Jensen is the one who breaks it.

“What about that tattoo on your arm? It looks professional, do you remember when you got it?”

J is surprised when Jensen mentions the tattoo, he wasn’t even aware the man knew about it. He raises the sleeve of his hoodie, staring at it, realizing another petal has fallen.

_Time is running out._

J just shakes his head as an answer. He doesn’t share with Jensen that the only thing he knows is that he needs to find someone to break the curse otherwise he will be like this forever.

If only he could remember what he used to be, what he needs to come back to. And J is afraid to know that as well.

_**Jensen** _

Jensen didn’t mean for any of this to happen. One minute he can’t stand even looking at Jay, and in the next the guy is eating in his place with him and playing his piano. Is Jensen going crazy?

He was worried as Jay went to the grocery store, afraid it would be awkward when he returned and while eating the subs together. Would they have to talk about stuff? What could Jensen and Jay possibly have in common? By the time Jay came back with lunch, Jensen was fully freaking out. He swallowed down the words threatening to escape his mouth, to tell Jay he should go eat in the basement, and even managed to give him a microscopic smile.

And who would have known that it wasn’t gonna be awkward, specially when Jay played the piano. Jensen could see the desire in him, the way Jay looked at the instrument. The guy played so beautifully Jensen couldn’t help but ask where he had learned it. A strange feeling overtook Jensen’s heart as he learned Jay’s story, or rather, the lack of one. Jensen can’t even imagine not remembering anything. A lot of times Jensen wished he could forget about his past, but now he can see how awful that could be. Jensen made a promise to himself then and there to never wish for forgetfulness again.

Jay went back to his room in the basement after their talk and Jensen paying him a few bucks for the grocery shopping. Jensen spends the rest of the day thinking about what happened and what Jay told him. He wonders if he has a family, if they are looking for him somewhere. It’s hard to trace them though, since Jay can’t even remember his first name let alone his last one. Plus, Jensen has more important things to do than to search for some random person’s family. He has his own agency to run and money to make.

Jensen gives it a lot of thought over the weekend and decides he will continue the charity work he had started doing. He is positive that’s what making him get closer to Jay, the sudden desire to help others so people don’t think he’s a total asshole. Sure, going to the shelter the other day didn’t feel quite the same, but by now Jensen is convinced it was just a first impression. It was new territory for him and Jensen was wary. Now it will be different.

As he leaves work a little earlier on Monday, Jensen goes to Costco again to get food and supplies like he did the other day, and drives to the same local shelter. As Jensen arrives he gets inside to ask for a hand to carry everything he brought, and to his utter surprise he finds Jay sweeping the floor at the reception.

“Jay?” Jensen asks with a frown, causing the guy to look up in surprise, eyes widening as he sees Jensen.

“Jensen? Why you here?” Jay asks as he clutches the broom he’s holding, and Jensen can see he’s tense. So he gives Jay a tentative smile to help put him at ease.

“I brought some stuff for the shelter, I did it last week as well. Got a lot of stuff, I actually need a hand to carry everything inside. Can you help me?”

Jay stays paralyzed for a few heartbeats, and finally cracks a small smile, his eyes shining. “Sure! Lemme get help.” Jay calls two other guys and between the four of them, they manage to carry everything inside. The receptionist thanks Jensen for his generosity, and as he takes in the way Jay is looking at him, his heart feels strangely warm, in a way he hasn’t felt in a long time.

The woman goes back behind the counter and the guys return to where they came from, and Jensen finally has a chance to talk to Jay.

“You come here often?”

Jay nods. “I shower sometimes. There is soup. Too crowded to sleep. And people stare. But I like to help.” He points at the broom which is now standing against the wall.

Jensen nods and gives Jay a tentative smile. “I’m sure they really appreciate your help Jay.” Jensen looks around, checking to see if the room is already cleaned. “Are you done here yet? Did you eat? I could give you a ride home, I’m heading there now.”

Jay nods again. “I’m done. I ate chicken soup.”

“So let’s go then.”

Jensen guides Jay to his car after saying goodbye to the receptionist. As they reach it though, Jay is suddenly hesitant, he looks behind him as if he’s checking his clothes.

“What’s up, Jay?” Jensen asks lifting an eyebrow.

When Jay replies, his voice comes out as a mere whisper. “Don’t want to mess the car. It’s clean.”

Jensen rolls his eyes, Jay isn’t even that dirty. “I’m sure the car will survive, Jay. Just get inside.”

After Jensen says goodnight to Jay and the guy goes down to the basement, he slowly climbs the steps to his own apartment, an idea forming in his head.

*

After coming home from work the next day, Jensen goes to the basement instead of heading to his apartment. He finds the door to Jay’s tiny room ajar, and he knocks on it.

“Jay? It’s me, Jensen.”

It takes a few seconds for Jay to come out, hoodie half hiding his face. “Hey.”

“Hey Jay,” Jensen starts, burying his hands in his pockets, seeming unsure. “I was thinking… I started doing some charity like you saw yesterday, and I actually had an idea. Do you think it would be okay if I… well, if I went with you to the shelter to help out a bit there?”

Jay immediately raises his head, clearly taken by surprise at Jensen’s words. Jensen can see a smile forming on what he can see of Jay’s face, as he nods eagerly.

“Yes! You can come!”

Jensen just can’t help but smile right back, Jay’s enthusiasm is too contagious. “Great, how often do you go there?”

“Monday and Thursday.”

Jensen nods. “Okay, how about I come with you once a week? I could go on Thursday.”

Jensen can see a bit more of Jay’s face and sees his smile grows wider. “Deal!”.

*

The next couple of days are very busy, a lot of work and meetings at the agency, but on Thursday evening Jensen heads straight to the shelter. He had told Jay he would meet him there. Jensen arrives and greets the receptionist, telling her he would like to volunteer. The woman recognizes Jensen from last Monday, and takes him to where Jay is doing laundry, and asks Jensen if he could help him. Jensen agrees and greets Jay, who smiles at him.

“So, it was in here where you learned how to do laundry so well?” Jensen asks, teasing Jay, who nods.

They work for a while, sorting, washing, and drying towels, clothes and bedding. They barely talk, Jensen is slowly figuring out Jay doesn’t feel comfortable speaking much, but it’s not uncomfortable. They spend some time folding everything, and do the sheets together to make it easier. Jensen was dreading it would be boring as hell to come volunteer, only did it to feel less of an asshole, but he actually had a good time.

When it’s time to go, Jensen is more than ready to take a shower and maybe grab something to eat. He turns to Jay who’s finishing organizing his piles of clean laundry.

“Are you coming with me? Did you have soup already?”

Jay shakes his head and looks down.

“Why not?” Jensen asks with a frown.

“Lots of people. No soup left.”

Jensen feels a pang in his heart as he realizes Jay didn’t eat because there was no soup left for him. He tries to force the feeling down but it threatens to overpower him.

“Well, I was thinking of stopping by at Wendy’s on the way home to grab something, why don’t you come with me and we get you a sandwich too?”

Jay shakes his head again, still looking down. His voice drops to almost a whisper. “No money.”

Jensen purses his lips and blinks a few times, feeling something strange happening with him, he’s just not used to _feeling._ He clears his throat trying to get rid of the lump forming there, making a motion with his head to the door.

“It’s okay, Jay. Let’s just go.”

Jensen drives them to the drive-thru at Wendy’s, ordering Baconators to both of them. Jay keeps his head down the whole time, but as Jensen drives away, leaving Jay in charge of holding the paper bags, he can hear a quiet _thank you_ coming from him. Jensen smiles.

As they arrive at the building Jay looks uncertain as he still holds the paper bags. Jensen picks up on it and motions upstairs. “Come on, I could use some music as we eat.”

They eat while watching TV, and as they are done Jensen turns it off so Jay can play, and it’s as touching as always, Jensen feeling deep emotions swirling in him as he hears the music.

Before Jay leaves for the night, Jensen speaks before he can help himself, as he has been doing very often lately.

“You know, if you want you can use the bathroom here to clean up and stuff. Even take a shower if you want. It’s okay."

Jay’s jaw drops at Jensen’s words. “Really?”

Jensen chuckles. “Yeah really. There are two bathrooms here, one in my room and the other down the hall. You can use that one whenever you want.” Jensen hates to think that Jay doesn’t have access to such a basic necessity anytime he needs. He’s not a monster.

Jay’s agape mouth turns to a small smile. “Thank you. I will go get my toothbrush.”

“No need to, I have a spare one, bought a pack with three. And I’m guessing you could use a new toothbrush?”

Jay nods eagerly and Jensen chuckles. He takes Jay to the bathroom and gives him the toothbrush and paste, leaving him to it. Jay reappears after a few minutes and Jensen can see a part of his bangs that isn’t hidden by the hoodie dripping water, and he assumes Jay washed his face and hair in the sink. Jay thanks him again and says good night, leaving to return to his nest in the basement.

Jensen is all of the sudden struck by a sense of loss and melancholy. He doesn’t know why but he feels lonely for the first time in a long time. He has always been self sufficient, never needed anybody after…well, _after._ But now he feels that something is suddenly missing. It hits Jensen finally.

He wishes Jay could have stayed longer.

*

They create some sort of routine over the next weeks. Jensen goes to the shelter every Thursday to help out, and sometimes Jay comes over to Jensen’s apartment to have something to eat and use the bathroom. He usually plays as well. Jensen is also busy at work, they’ve closed some new contracts so his workload has increased a lot, meaning he spends a lot of time away from home. Usually Jensen wouldn’t mind, his favorite sport has always been burying himself in work, but now he misses spending time at home.

Jensen stares at his computer screen lost in thoughts, his mind traveling back to last Thursday when Jay came over for dinner after leaving the shelter. Jensen offered for Jay to take a shower, the guy had reluctant admitted he hadn’t showered in a few days. Jay went to his cubicle to get his clean clothes and Jensen provided a towel, soap and shampoo. As Jay showered Jensen took care of the dishes and cleaned the small mess in the living room. As he walked down the hall to his room he passed by the bathroom, and found the door slightly ajar. Jensen didn’t mean to but he stopped as he saw Jay through the glass, turned away from him.

Jay’s back had some big scars, and Jensen spent some moments mesmerized as he watched the water flowing down his torso. Usually Jensen would find those scars so ugly and gross, but for some reason now he didn’t. One word appeared in his mind as Jensen looked, a word to define what he was seeing, but he tried as much as he could to push the word as deep down as possible.

 _Beautiful_.

Jensen had hurried away, trying to forget what he saw and felt, but he obviously can’t, if it’s coming back to haunt him even at work. Jay isn’t handsome. Not by far. He may be a good person, they’re getting along better now, but the truth is, Jay is ugly, like it or not. Jensen just wishes he could take that image out of his mind but it’s proving to be impossible, so he does the thing he’s best at: denying.

*

It’s Thursday and it usually means Jensen is supposed to go to the shelter tonight, but from the way things are going it doesn’t look like he’s going to make it, which is making Jensen even more stressed than he already is. There’s a new big prospective client in the works and he specifically requested a meeting for today. They luckily decide to close the deal right away, but since there are so many details to be discussed, it goes on forever. Jensen tries to focus, this is his job and he can’t be sidetracked even if he’s dying to be somewhere else, he _is_ a professional.

Jensen checks the time and realizes there’s no way he will get to the shelter in time since he’s not even done for the day, and he wishes Jay had a phone so he could let him know. By the time Jensen can finally go home he assumes Jay must be getting ready to leave the shelter, they usually finish things up around that time. Jensen has an idea then, so he drives to the shelter hoping Jay is still there so he can give the guy a ride home, maybe grab a bite of something for a late dinner together.

As Jensen approaches the shelter he can see Jay leaving but there aren’t any parking spaces in front of the building so he has to park a little away. Jensen steps out of the car and starts to call out Jay’s name, but stops as he sees him talking to another man. And from what Jensen can see, the dude doesn’t look like a nice guy, so Jensen is instantly on alert. He quietly watches as the two men talk, ready to step in if things go bad. The conversation doesn’t last long though, and soon both of them start walking in the opposite direction. Jensen doesn’t like this one bit, fearing something bad might happen to Jay. So, against his better judgment, Jensen locks his car and creeps after them, keeping a distance but never losing sight. Eventually they turn into an alley, and Jensen knows that’s a dead-end. His heart beats fast and blood rushes in his ears as Jensen approaches the alley, afraid with what he may find. Is Jay doing drugs or something? But where would he find the money for that?

Jensen’s mind is racing as he finally reaches the alley, and when he sees what’s happening in there, he wishes he had got in his car and driven away when he still had the chance.

Jay is on his knees and he’s _sucking that guy’s dick_. That horrible disgusting dude has a big fat hand grabbing the back of Jay’s head and is feeding him his dick with the other, his eyes shut and head tilted back. Jensen’s face scrunches up in pure disgust, the whole unbelievable picture only slowly registering in his recoiling brain. Jensen rubs his eyes but the scene is still playing in front of him, like a horror movie he can’t look away from.

Jensen tries to find his feet and turn around, forcing his gaze away from the alley as he staggers to his car, nearly tripping over his own feet in the rush to get as far away from _that_ as possible.

Jensen can’t remember how he got back to his car and drove home, when he enters his apartment he feels completely disoriented. He walks in circles around his living room, that scene playing over and over in his mind.

Jay was giving that filthy man a blowjob, what the actual fuck?? That’s what he does then? Did Jensen read him completely wrong?

Jensen sits down on the couch and leans forward, lowering his head into his hands. He has no idea what to think, he wishes he could go back in time so he wouldn’t have seen that. And he also doesn’t know why this is affecting him this much. Jay is just an ugly homeless guy. That’s all. Completely insignificant. And yet Jensen can’t explain why he feels so angry at him, why he feels like this is such a betrayal. He stays where he is for a long time, doesn’t have the strength to move, can’t do anything. It feels like everything is falling apart around him and what makes Jensen angrier is that he _let_ Jay do this to him. He should never have let Jay in, that was his biggest mistake. And now he’s finally re-learning his lesson, that’s why Jensen doesn’t let anybody in anymore. He’s bound to get fucked over, always.

Not anymore.

The doorbell rings, startling Jensen. He gets up and walks towards it, yanking the door open and ending up face to face with the last person he would like to see right now.

Jay.

Jensen swallows, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he stares at the person in front of him and tries to keep his voice even and his fury from bubbling over.

“What do you want?”

Jay keeps his head down as he stutters, clearly picking up on Jensen’s anger.

“So--sorry, Jensen, I… I just wanted to see--see if you are okay. You didn’t go to the shelter. And also I wanted to--”

Jensen doesn’t let Jay finish as he grits the next words through his clenched teeth. “Get. Inside.”

He doesn’t want to give his neighbors a private show in the hall.

Jay walks past him, head still lowered, and Jensen closes the door. He looks at Jay and crosses his arms in front of him. He wants to make this short so he gets straight to the point.

“Care to tell me what were you doing sucking that man’s dick in the back alley?”

Jay’s shock at the words is so big that Jensen can hear his gasping inhalation, can see the visible effort of heaving his head up to look at Jensen. “What?”

Jay’s reaction only escalates Jensen’s anger, and he narrows his eyes as he looks at the man in front of him.

“I saw you. I couldn’t make it to the shelter in time, but thought I’d stop by after work to give you a ride. When I got there I saw you leaving with that… _pig_ , and I followed you! Because I thought you may be in danger! But little did I know, you were far from that! What the fuck Jay, why would you do such a thing in a dirty alley, and with that awful man? What is _wrong_ with you?”

Jay takes a step back, cowering away from Jensen, and looks down again. Jay doesn’t answer right away and it takes all of Jensen’s willpower not to shake him to get him to talk. No that he would because he doesn’t even want to _touch_ Jay right now. “Well??”

“They give me money. Or food.”

The words are spoken in a low voice and it takes Jensen a few moments to understand them and, more importantly, their meaning. When it dawns on him, he also takes a step back, further away from Jay, and he can barely look at him, feeling his disgust rising.

“You’re saying you do this _often_? That it was not just this one time?”

Jay just shakes his head, unable in his shame to even look at Jensen.

“And you do this for _money_? Is that what you are saying Jay? People pay you to have their dicks sucked in filthy alleys? Do you know what that makes you?”

Jensen stares at Jay for a couple of heartbeats before answering his own question, pointing a shaking finger at Jay’s face.

“You are nothing more than a cheap dirty whore, a freak, _that’s what you are_! Now get out of my house, I don’t ever want to see you again!”

Jay doesn’t move for a couple of seconds and Jensen walks to the door, fury blinding him. He swings it open and points outside, turning to face Jay again.

“GET OUT!”

Jay quickly walks past Jensen, his head lowered as much as possible, and disappears downstairs. Jensen closes the door and leans against it, letting out a deep breath, a thousand thoughts racing through his mind. He’s feeling so angry with Jay, he can’t believe he honestly thought that _person_ was good enough to be his friend, he can’t believe they spent time together, that he let that trash come to his house so many times. He’s nothing more than a slut and a whore, and Jensen wants nothing else to do with him. Ever.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Jensen** _

Jensen walks over to the window for some air, feeling suffocated. It’s raining heavily outside and Jensen hadn’t even realized it. He opens it and takes it all in, allowing a few drops to fall on his face, cooling his angry flush. Staring at the storm, Jensen decides he’s done. He shouldn’t ever have let this happen, it’s like he forgot everything he went through in the past. Jensen was just _fine_ the way he was, then he grew careless and look what happened. But no, never again. Jensen doesn’t need _anyone,_ he will only care about his work from now on, forever.

Jensen keeps looking outside, lost in his own mind, and suddenly he sees movement in front of the building. He narrows his eyes and leans out a bit to see better, and realizes there’s a person walking away. He would recognize that red hoodie anywhere.

Jay is walking down the street, rained on and surrounded by that storm, head bowed and holding a plastic bag in one hand. Jensen can’t stop staring at that image, Jay walking away from the building, walking away from him.

It has a strange feeling of finality to it.

Jensen tilts his head, watching as Jay gets further and further, feeling a turmoil start inside him. He’s still so angry at Jay, but watching him leaving like this…

I mean, he will be back right? Jay lives in their basement, of course he will be back.

Except...

_I don’t ever want to see you again!_

Jensen’s own harsh words replay in his mind, and he didn’t even need to see Jay’s face to imagine the look upon it. Jensen wishes he could just _think_ for a minute, he wishes he were smart enough to know what to do, but everything is a huge confusing fog right now.

Acting on instinct, Jensen quickly leaves his apartment and rushes down to the basement. Arriving there he turns on the lamp and notices the door to Jay’s room is ajar. When Jensen opens it he realizes is that all of Jay’s meager belongings are gone, except for one: the toothbrush Jensen gave him.

_Jay is not coming back._

The thought hits Jensen like a truck, Jay is gone and he will much likely never see him again. And he shouldn’t even want to, Jensen shouldn’t want anything to do with someone like Jay.

The rational, obvious thing Jensen should do now, is to go back to his apartment and forget this all happened, forget Jay existed. It’s for the best. He had wished he could get rid of that freak, hadn’t he? Well, wish granted. Now Jensen can go back to his normal life.

Forget Jay existed.

Jensen stares at the fucking toothbrush on the floor. He gave it to Jay that same day they first worked at the shelter together and Jensen bought sandwiches for them. And he let Jay use his bathroom because he didn’t have easy access to one, and nobody should be denied to use a bathroom whenever they needed.

Jay said the men give him money, or food. He does that so he can eat. But Jensen was helping him, gave him food sometimes.

_Not always._

Jensen is usually too busy at work, so Jay only eats with him sometimes, once or twice a week. He would often need to get food elsewhere, and most of the time he doesn’t even eat at the shelter because there are too many hungry people to feed and not enough food to go around. So of course he’d need some money to buy it.

Jensen’s mind starts buzzing and for a minute he can’t even hear his own breathing, only hears the torrential rain outside.

And Jay is out there. In that rain.

Before Jensen realizes what he’s doing, he’s already outside getting soaked within seconds. It’s freezing and he’s only wearing a t-shirt but he doesn’t have time to go get a jacket or sweater. All he cares about is to find Jay, and fast.

Jensen should have gotten his car key, it would be faster, but he doesn’t want to waste precious minutes going back for it either. And also, Jay couldn’t have gone too far, it’s raining too much and he’s on foot. Jensen jogs for a while, checking everywhere, side streets and alleys, calling Jay’s name, but his voice gets swallowed by the heavy rain.

Jensen is slowly losing hope of finding Jay, the bitter realization he won’t see Jay ever again inexorably sinking in. What did he do? Jensen is trembling from cold and fear, rain soaking every bit of his body and soul, but he walks a bit further, still hoping to catch a glimpse of Jay’s hoodie…

Jensen wipes his eyes free from the rain and double checks under the awning of a cake shop across the street. There’s a person in a red hoodie huddled against the wall there, hugging his knees with both arms, head buried in them.

Jay.

Jensen’s steps falter as he realizes he’s really seeing Jay, _he found him_. Breath caught in his throat he crosses the street without even looking, thankfully it’s empty right now. He kneels down beside Jay, welcoming the chance to protect himself from the heavy rain. Jensen reaches out to touch him but hesitates and stops with his hand stretched out halfway, thinking better of it.

“Jay?”

Jensen can see the man instant tensing at the word, and his head slowly lifts. He warily looks at Jensen and inches away, from the little Jensen can see of Jay’s face it’s obvious he’s scared.

“It’s okay, I’m not gonna hurt you, don’t worry.”

 _Except you already did_ , that annoying little voice sneers at him.

“Sorry Jensen.” Jay’s words are barely audible because of the heavy rain, and Jensen sits right down on the wet sidewalk facing Jay, and crosses his legs.

“Why would you do that, Jay? With those awful men? I know they give you money and food but… hey, we became friends lately didn’t we? You could have asked me for food when you needed it. I know Chad gives you stuff sometimes too. Plus, you do small chores for the residents of the building. You didn’t have to do it anymore. Why did you do that tonight?”

Jay watches the rain falling for a few heartbeats before half turning towards Jensen. “I wanted to give you something pretty too.”

Jensen frowns, not really understanding what Jay means. “What?”

“I… saw that pretty thing you have, with wings… and you like it so much, I thought… well, maybe I could give you another pretty thing. So you would have two. I needed money for that, so I had to… you know. I didn’t want you to be mad Jensen, wanted to make you happy, because you make me happy.”

Jay reaches inside of his hoodie pocket, and comes out with a small paper bag already wrinkled and soaked through by the rain. He removes the sodden pieces of paper and shows Jensen a music note keychain.

Slow understanding dawns on Jensen and he realizes Jay did what he did to get money because he wanted to buy something _for Jensen_ , to make him happy, and in return Jensen insulted Jay and kicked him out and…

 _Oh God_.

Jensen slowly brings a hand to his gasping mouth, all of his insides crumbling. He can physically feel his heart sinking, painfully breaking into little pieces. His throat closes and a deep emotion overwhelms him in an instant. It has been so long since this happened that Jensen can’t even remember what it ever felt like before, but at that moment a single tear trails down his face, getting lost among the raindrops.

He can’t put a name to what he feels towards Jay right now, the feeling too foreign, long ago set aside and forgotten, but it’s strong. So strong that he’s at a loss for words for the first time in a long time and he feels dizzy.

Jensen doesn’t know what to do, he can’t process everything happening inside him right now, so he just gets up and grabs Jay’s arm to help him up as well.

“Let’s go back home, Jay. We’re soaking wet.”

As Jay gets up, Jensen extends the other hand to him. “Can I hold it?” Jensen can’t tell why, but he wants to touch the keychain right now. Jay hands it to him, and he closes his fingers around it, relishing the remnants of Jay’s warm touch lingering on it. He puts a hand between Jay’s shoulder blades so they can start moving, but before they can step out from under the awning Jay turns to him, starting to unzip his hoodie.

“You don’t have a jacket on.”

Jensen places a hand over Jay’s, making him stop the motion. “It’s okay Jay, you need it too. Let’s just hurry back, okay?”

_**Jared** _

J walks back to the building alongside Jensen, who keeps a hand on his back the whole time. The rain is still pouring nonstop, soaking both of them even more. J tries to comprehend what just happened but it’s just too much to process, it all happened so fast. His mind is buzzing, he’s cold, but Jensen is here, Jensen is _touching him_. It’s gonna be okay.

They finally arrive at the building and J starts heading to the basement, hopefully his spare clothes inside his plastic bag aren’t too wet so he can put them on and try to get warm. But Jensen quickly turns him towards the stairs leading to his apartment, not saying a word but J gets it. As Jensen opens the door J hesitates at the doorstep, he’s dripping wet. Jensen apparently picks up on it because he scoffs and ushers J inside.

“Come on, I’m wet too, it’s a solid hardwood floor, a bit of water won’t ruin it.”

Both of them get inside and J is feeling so cold, every part of him is trembling. Jensen leads J to his bedroom.

“We should take hot showers and get rid of those clothes right now.”

J nods and places his plastic bag on the floor, rummaging inside to check his clothes. They are a bit humid, but will have to do. He will avoid sitting on Jensen’s couch though, doesn’t want to wet it. Jensen approaches him and checks the clothes J is holding, shaking his head at what he sees.

“No, those aren’t good, you need dry clothes.” Jensen rummages in his drawers, offering J a t-shirt, sweatpants and an old hoodie. “These will be a bit short on you, but I guess they will do.” Jensen also gives J a fluffy towel and a pair of socks. “Go take a shower, I’ll do the same.”

J does as Jensen says and moves to his bathroom--no, Jensen’s other bathroom. It’s not _his_. As the hot water falls on him, making him feel infinitely better, J thinks about what happened again. He had this idea of giving Jensen something pretty, as pretty and shiny as the thing he found among the sheets, and Jensen was so stressed when he thought he lost it for some reason. Maybe he would like another pretty thing. Also, J wanted for Jensen to know he makes J happy now, it’s not like before when he hated J. But for that, J needed money. When Jensen didn’t show up at the shelter earlier J was worried, but he also knew Jensen was a busy man, and maybe something more important came up. When J left, he met one of the guys he used to ‘do favors’ for before, he offered J some money he couldn’t refuse. It was the perfect opportunity to get something pretty for Jensen.

He saw it through a store window on his way home, it was a souvenir shop and J thought it was the most perfect thing. The music note was so pretty, and he thought Jensen would like it, since he likes it when J plays. He was sure Jensen would be happy, but when he stopped by his apartment to see if Jensen was alright and also to give him the thing, it all fell apart. Jensen saw him with the guy, called him something ugly and kicked him out of his apartment. J felt his heart breaking, he lowered his head when he walked past, so Jensen wouldn’t see his tears.

Jensen said he didn’t want to see him ever again, so J had to leave. He couldn’t stay there any longer, he wouldn’t upset Jensen by subjecting him to seeing J ever again. He gathered everything he had in a plastic bag, except for the toothbrush Jensen gave him. He didn’t know if he was allowed to take it. It was raining so much and it was so cold, J put his hoodie on and left, walking without really knowing where he was going. He trudged for a while until he decided to stop, it was raining just too hard. He sat down under an awning to protect himself from the rain but he was still too cold. He hugged his knees and lowered his head, trying to conserve what little warmth he had left.

Eventually Jensen showed up and J was afraid at first, thinking Jensen had come to yell at him some more. But it wasn’t like this. Jensen seemed okay, and he wanted to know why J had done that. So J told him. And could see how Jensen’s expression changed when he learned the truth, when he saw the music note. He didn’t say much afterwards, just brought them back home. J hopes Jensen forgives him and lets him stay in the basement, his safe haven he had never wanted to leave in the first place. Most of all, he wants to stay close to Jensen.

J steps out of the shower, dries himself and puts on the clothes Jensen lent him. When he gets out of the bathroom he finds Jensen already in the kitchen, and dry.

“Hey Jay, please put your wet clothes in the washing machine over there, we can wash them later. I’m heating up some frozen lasagnas for us.”

They eat in silence on the couch, J feeling that they need to talk but it’s a silent agreement that this can wait, they need to eat something first. J keeps looking at Jensen and realization slowly dawns that something is quite not right with him. He’s frowning strangely and shaking his head, and his breathing is not right.

“Jensen, you okay?” J asks carefully and Jensen looks up from his plate, his frown deepening, and his eyes narrow as he looks at J. He looks like he’s in pain.

“Huh… I don’t think I feel too good. I think it was all that rain, it’s catching up to me. I think I’m having a sinus attack.” Jensen puts a hand on his forehead and starts rubbing. “And my head hurts.”

J puts down his plate - he was almost done anyway. “What can I do?”

“Please grab a box of tissues from the bathroom, I need to blow my nose.”

J is up in a second and quickly brings the tissues, handing them to Jensen, who murmurs a ‘thanks’, and blows his nose a few times.

“Can you turn off the light too? It’s hurting my eyes. You can turn on the lamp by the piano but not much, just so it’s not completely dark.”

As J does as asked, Jensen sets his plate down on the coffee table and leans against the back of the couch, closing his eyes. J decides to leave Jensen to it and takes the dishes to the kitchen, spending a few minutes washing everything. When he returns to the living room Jensen starts coughing, and J rushes to his side in an instant.

Jensen half turns his face to look at J, and his eyes open just a tiny bit. “Yeah I guess it’s sinusitis alright,” he gives J a humorless laugh. Jensen tries to breath but his nose is congested, and J is even more worried.

“Want me to call anyone that can help you? Chad is smart, maybe he can.” Jensen should have someone here who knows what to do, because J doesn’t.

Jensen just looks at him for a while, and J can’t tell what he’s thinking. Finally he tries to smile at J. “You can help me. I want you to. Is that okay?”

J smiles again because Jensen trusts him, so he nods. “Tell me what I should do.”

Jensen struggles to get up, letting it show just how tired he is. “Come on, I need to lie down.”

J follows Jensen to his bedroom, and the man plops down on the bed, turning on the bedside lamp just for a soft, barely there, glow. He is frowning again as he looks at J.

“Okay so… Can you go to my bathroom, in the cabinet there is something called Advil Sinus, if you can’t read that it’s a red packet written in bold yellow letters. There’s also a small white bottle with a red-ish label, it’s a nasal spray. Can you get me those? And then some water?”

J nods and hurries to the bathroom, praying that he can find everything that Jensen asked. Thankfully J easily finds the items, and then goes to the kitchen to get some water. Returning to the bedroom J hands everything to Jensen, and stays still in front of him as Jensen opens the packet. Jensen looks up at him.

“You can sit down on the bed Jay, it’s okay.”

J carefully sits down next to Jensen and watches as he takes the pill and then uses the small bottle on his nose. Jensen looks like he’s getting worse, not better, and J is worried. His face is flushed and he’s trembling as if he’s cold, even though it’s warm in the apartment. Without thinking J reaches out and places a gentle hand on Jensen’s forehead, who doesn’t flinch away.

“Fever,” J says without thinking, can’t even tell how he knows it, but Jensen is too warm to the touch. Somehow J knows the word for it.

Jensen nods and speaks through clenched teeth. “Can--can you get the thermometer in the bathroom?”

J is gone and back in a second. Jensen is running his hands up and down his arms, and trembling even harder.

“You should cover yourself. You’re cold.”

Jensen only nods and allows J to help him under the covers. Jensen takes the thermometer and turns it on, placing the tip under his tongue. J holds his breath as he waits the seconds it takes for the thing to beep. Jensen removes it and tries to read, but it’s like he can’t focus enough to see the numbers. J extends a hand.

“I can read numbers.”

Jensen looks up and hands the object to him, who narrows his eyes so he can read the small numbers on the display.

“One. Zero. One. Three. Is that bad?”

Jensen scoffs. “Yeah, it means I have quite a high fever. And I dunno if it’s still going up.”

Jensen is clearly still cold, so J tucks the covers around his chin as deep as possible so no air can pass through it, and searches the closet until he finds another blanket, which he also covers Jensen with.

Jensen has his eyes closed, but he’s still frowning at the pain in his sinuses, and his face is very flushed. Plus, J can see there’s sweat dripping down his forehead, even though he’s so cold. J is scared, specially scared of not knowing what to do. He’s tempted to call Chad, he knows more than J. But Jensen trusted J. So he will at least try.

J suddenly has an idea, and goes to the bathroom to get some washcloths. Then he gets a bowl from the kitchen and fills it with cold water. Returning to the bedroom J places everything on the nightstand and sits beside Jensen. He wets a cloth and carefully places it on Jensen’s forehead to try and reduce the fever. He changes the cloths a few times as they get warm again. Eventually Jensen’s congestion intensifies, and he asks J for the white bottle again, dripping some in his nose. He clears his throat and tries to focus on J.

“The Vick…rub... thing. In the bathroom.”

J goes search for what Jensen needs, hoping to get it right, and when he finds the blue jar he suddenly knows what it is and how to use it. He sits down next to Jensen and suddenly feels shy.

“You want to…” J starts, offering the VapoRub to Jensen, who weakly shakes his head. J feels shy, but he knows he can do it. So he pushes the covers down and helps Jensen to take his shirt off, which is soaked through with sweat and needs to be changed anyway. J opens the lid and takes some of the paste on his fingers, very gently bringing it to Jensen’s chest. It smells good, and J carefully rubs it in, with circular motions. J spends about ten minutes just rubbing Jensen’s chest, and it feels good. He closes his eyes, allowing the good smell and the touch of Jensen’s skin to soothe himself as well, and slowly Jensen’s breathing evens a bit, but it’s still not good. He places a hand on Jensen’s forehead and it’s like he’s even warmer than before.

Jensen can barely keep his eyes open, and J suddenly has an idea. He covers Jensen’s chest again and goes to the kitchen, hoping he can find what he needs. J can’t tell how he knows this, but he heats up some water and adds a healthy amount of lemon juice and honey, thankfully finding those in Jensen’s kitchen.

Returning to Jensen, he helps the man sit up a bit, using his own body behind him as support. He checks to see if the tea is not too hot, and tells Jensen, “drink this.”

Jensen half turns his face to see what J is giving him, but doesn’t ask anything. He just does as asked, and sips the tea when J brings the mug to his mouth. Slowly but surely Jensen drinks everything, and J helps him to lie down again. J returns to the kitchen to take the empty mug, and rummages in the cabinets. Eventually he finds a couple cans of soup, and he chooses one that has some vegetables and meat on the label. Maybe Jensen would like to eat that. So J opens the can and puts the soup in a bowl, heating it up. He grabs a spoon and some napkins, going back to Jensen.

J helps Jensen sit up again, and this time he places some pillows behind his back so he can lean against them, making it easier for J to feed him, since it seems that Jensen is too weak and feverish right now to do it without spilling soup all over himself. Jensen keeps his eyes half closed as he eats the soup J spoon feeds him. When there are only a couple spoonfuls left, Jensen shakes his head signaling he doesn’t want any more. But he ate enough and J is happy. So he sets the bowl aside and picks up the glass of water he also brought with him.

“Drink water. You need to. One more pill?”

Jensen nods, so J takes another Advil thing out of the packet and puts it in Jensen’s tongue. Then he brings the glass to Jensen’s mouth, and as he starts drinking, Jensen unexpectedly opens his eyes widely and stares straight into J’s own eyes. J suddenly realizes he’s not wearing his hoodie, he took it off at some point so he could move more freely while taking care of Jensen. J suddenly feels shy, he doesn’t want for Jensen to see his ugly face filled with scars, but Jensen doesn’t seem to mind right now. In fact his eyes are so glassy it’s like he’s only half seeing J, but Jensen keeps staring into J’s eyes as he drinks, blinking slowly.

As Jensen finishes, J places the glass on the nightstand and helps Jensen to lie down again. J tucks him in and gets some more cold water for the washcloths. When he sits back down, Jensen reopens his eyes and looks at J one more time. He opens his mouth and licks his lips, clearing his throat.

“‘t’s hazel.”

J has no idea what Jensen is talking about, his voice is slurred so he imagines Jensen doesn’t either. The man closes his eyes right after it, and his head rolls to the side J’s sitting on and he takes the opportunity to place the wet cloths on his forehead again, hoping the fever will go down a bit.

Eventually Jensen’s breathing becomes more even, and his face smoothes out a little. He’s obviously sleeping and J smiles a tiny smile of relief. At least, for now, Jensen can rest. J takes the bowl and water glass back to the kitchen, cleaning up everything he used and putting packages in the trash. He doesn’t want for Jensen to think J messed up his kitchen. Then he goes to the living room and sits down in front of the piano, starting to play a soft sweet melody, trying to encourage Jensen’s peaceful rest.

J plays for a while, and then returns to check on Jensen, who’s still sleeping. J doesn’t want to go back to the basement now because what if Jensen needs something? He shouldn’t be alone, he’s sick and is still feverish. So J decides to stay until he is sure Jensen is feeling a bit better.

J sits down next to Jensen and just watches him sleep, how unguarded he looks when he’s like this. J reaches out, fingers hovering close to Jensen’s face. He knows he shouldn’t, but before he can’t help it, J runs his fingers lightly over Jensen’s soft hair, feeling something hard to explain. J checks the rose tattoo on his exposed forearm, and notices there is only one petal left there.

There is no time left for him, the petal will fall soon and J won’t have found the cold-hearted person to fall in love with him, not that he ever had any hope he would. Nobody could love him as he is. J will stay like this forever, and he doesn’t even remember how he was supposed to be, this face is all he knows.

But as J looks at Jensen, softly running his fingers down his face, he knows he doesn’t regret anything. Even if he does stay like this forever it was worth it, this time with Jensen. He wouldn’t change it for anything or anyone else.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Jensen** _

Jensen isn’t sleeping but he isn’t awake either. He’s in that soft space in-between, and he tries to understand what’s happening. Jensen is in his bed, he knows that, and he’s very comfortable. He remembers bits and pieces of the recent events, the fight with Jay, going after him, bringing him back. Jensen wasn’t feeling so good, probably a sinus attack. God it had been a while since he last had one of those. He’s still feeling like crap but at least he’s not cold and shivering anymore. And he needs to pee.

So Jensen takes the covers off his body and sits on the bed. That’s when he sees something strange. He’s still half asleep so he turns on the bedside lamp to see better and when he realizes what is in front of his eyes, he has to blink a few times to convince himself it’s real.

Jay is lying on the fluffy carpet close to his bed, curled on his side and arms crossed in front of him. He has his hoodie on and is using one of the cushions from Jensen’s couch as a pillow. Jay stayed. He took care of Jensen who doesn’t remember much but now knows Jay was there the whole time helping him to feel better. Jensen looks out of the window and sees that it’s still dark outside. He tiptoes to the bathroom to empty his bladder, and comes back to the bed. He should wake Jay up, maybe he could be more comfortable on the couch or something. But he’s sleeping so peacefully. And Jensen is still half asleep himself. So he grabs one of the blankets from his bed and covers Jay with it, making sure he won’t be cold. Jensen is asleep again in seconds.

When Jensen comes to again, it takes longer for him to fully wake. It feels like so many things happened during the night. Jensen remembers hearing a sweet music, coming from somewhere far away. Then he saw a face, and it was so beautiful. He has never seen such a beautiful man as the one he dreamed about. Such a soft face framed with shiny chestnut hair, a perfect smile and dimples. But what Jensen remembers the most are the eyes. There was a multitude of colors in them, they were mostly hazel but also blue, green, yellow and so on. The kindest eyes Jensen has ever seen. Jensen felt a soft touch on his face, as if the man was running his fingers down his cheek. Jensen wonders who the beautiful vision is, but at the same time he feels a sense of familiarity, as if Jensen already knows him.

As Jensen slowly regains his consciousness, he remembers more of what happened last night. God, he was such a jerk with Jay. He said such terrible things, he sent Jay away. And Jay had bought him a keychain, he did awful things so he could get money to buy Jensen a present. And later he took care of a very sick Jensen. He needs to make it up to Jay later. Suddenly Jensen remembers that Jay was sleeping on his carpet. Jensen opens his eyes and looks at the floor by his bed, but it’s empty.

Jensen sits up and looks around, finding the blanket he covered Jay with, all folded up neatly at the foot of the bed. Maybe Jay is in the living room or something? Jensen makes an effort to get up despite his lingering dizziness, and slowly walks to the living room finding it empty.

“Jay?” Jensen calls out loud, but there is no answer. He goes to the bedroom to pee and wash his face, trying to remember everything that happened last night after he started feeling like crap. Jay got him his medicine, he applied VapoRub on his chest, he made tea and soup for Jensen. God. How does Jay even _know_ how to do all of this? Those are more things to add to the list of who exactly is this mystery called Jay.

But right now, Jensen has only one thing in mind, which is to find him. First he takes a lukewarm shower to revive himself, then puts on a t-shirt and sweatpants. Jensen also fires off a text to Jason saying he’s not feeling so good and won’t be at the office, at least not in the morning.

Then he goes down to the basement, hoping he will find Jay there. Jensen knocks lightly on the door of Jay’s small room, but there’s no answer. Jensen’s heartbeat speeds up fearfully hoping he didn’t leave again.

Jensen opens the door a little, and lets out a huge breath as he sees Jay curled up on the mattress, sleeping. Jensen wonders if he should wake Jay up or leave him sleeping since he had a busy night, but as he debates with himself Jay opens his eyes and turns so he’s lying on his back.

“Jensen?”

The room is too dark for Jensen to properly see Jay’s face, but he smiles at the guy. “Morning sleepyhead. Came to invite you to have breakfast with me, if you’re not too tired.”

Jay hurries to get up and puts his hoodie on. “I want to.”

Jensen chuckles. “Alright, come on up then.”

As they reach Jensen’s apartment, Jay hesitantly touches his elbow. “You feeling good?”

Jensen nods. “Yes I am, I feel much better now.”

Jay looks down and shrugs. “I only stayed until you had no more fever, then I went back to my room because you were not warm anymore.”

Jensen frowns as he understands what Jay means, and then shakes his head. “Jay, you didn’t have to leave, you could have stayed the whole night. And you also didn’t have to sleep on the floor, you would have been much more comfortable on the couch. But I really want to thank you for staying and for taking care of me. You were of a great help last night, you did everything right. So thank you, very much.”

Jensen can see Jay’s face lighting up with pride, and he feels happy for that. “So, what do you say we go fix us up some breakfast?”

Jay follows Jensen to the kitchen but he can tell Jay is feeling slightly reticent. He doesn’t have to ask what is the reason as the guy speaks looking down.

“Dunno how to… well, cook breakfast.”

Jensen smiles at him fondly. “Don’t worry, I will show you. Let’s cook a mean breakfast.”

They make pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon, plus a large pot of coffee and juice. Jay follows Jensen’s instructions very well, and turns out he’s not bad at cooking. They set up the table so they can eat everything they prepared. Even though Jensen is still feeling a bit sick he eats everything, and watches as Jay does the same, clearly enjoying all the food.

“Did you like it?” Jensen asks as Jay clears his plate.

Jay nods. “I like pancakes!”

Jensen chuckles, but he’s assaulted with a strong memory of someone else who also liked pancakes. He gets up and starts cleaning up the dishes and taking them to the kitchen to keep his mind occupied. Jay helps bring everything and Jensen sends him to the living room, saying he will only load the dishwasher.

When Jensen returns to the living room, he finds Jay sitting on the edge of the couch, and he’s holding the music note keychain he bought for Jensen last night. Jensen vaguely remembers putting it on the end table as they arrived, soaked and shivering. Jay speaks as he stares at the keychain.

“I know it’s not as pretty as the one you have. That one is super pretty and shiny.”

Suddenly Jensen’s heart is filled with a deep emotion and, before he knows it, he goes to his bedroom to grab his Golden Snitch keychain. He closes his fingers around it and goes back to the living room, sitting next to Jay, showing him the keychain. Jay hesitantly runs a finger over the golden ball, tracing the initials there, and there’s a pang in Jensen’s heart. Suddenly he feels overwhelmed with the need to talk.

“It was Justin, his name was Justin. Justin H--hartley.” It has been long years since Jensen last spoke his name out loud. But now he has to. Jay retracts his hand and very slightly turns his body towards Jensen, who takes a deep breath and continues, eyes fixed unseeing on the keychain in his hand, hands absently playing with the wings. “We met when we were kids, lived next door to each other. We were best friends growing up. God, I worshipped Justin, Jay. He was so amazing, you have no idea. I had always loved him, even when I was too young to know what that feeling was. As we grew older, we learned everything together, we explored our mutual attraction together, figured out our sexual orientation together... He was my first kiss, my first… time. He was my everything Jay, my whole world. Everyone was jealous of how perfect we were together, how in love we were. We went to college here in Dallas together, even managed to be roomates, and we used to make so many plans for the future.”

Jensen pauses and licks his lips as a thousand memories, buried for so long, assault him all at once like an avalanche of emotion.

“We used to say that we were going to live together when we finished college. We would find nice jobs and rent a small apartment at first. There was this building across town I always wanted to live in, everytime we drove by it I told Justin, ‘we are going to live here’. I could imagine everything, you know, Jay? We would live there first. Then we would start our own business, something we always talked about, and we would become successful. We would move to the suburbs like respectable husbands, get ourselves a big house with a nice backyard and pool. I imagined our wedding ceremony happening in our backyard, with all our loved ones there. We would have a couple of big dogs, and maybe later have children. I don’t know if we would adopt or get a surrogate. Or both. We really wanted a big family. I knew it was gonna happen, I had all of our future mapped out, and we would live happily ever after. Together.

Jensen pauses again as he stares at the keychain, at the initials there, gathering strength for the next part.

“Right before graduation, there were only a couple of weeks left, we were discussing what to do next. I had gotten a job at an advertising agency, and Justin was working as well. We just had to figure out where we would live. We had seen a few apartments, including one in the building of my dreams, but other people were also looking at it so I didn’t know if we were going to get it.

“Justin had stayed out all day long running errands while I studied for a test, and I kept messaging him to get home soon, why was he so late? I was getting pissed he was taking so long, it was already nighttime and Justin was still out, wasn’t answering his phone. Then I finally got a call… from his mother. I rushed to the hospital, didn’t even bothered changing my clothes. When I arrived there, Justin was gone. He was hit by a drunk driver on his way home to me, careless and in a hurry, because I told him to get home quickly.”

Jensen doesn’t speak for a while, too overwhelmed to go on. There is a reason why he buried those memories for so long.

“They… they found this in his car.” Jensen shows Jay the keychain. “There was a key attached to it. And also some papers. He had managed to rent the apartment of my dreams, he had gotten the key that day and was going to surprise me. He got this keychain and carved our initials in it. It was gonna be our home, but it never was. Nothing ever happened, the whole future I had in my mind fell apart in an instant. I lost my best friend, the person I loved my whole life, the person I was going to spend forever with. I lost my whole world that night. All I have left is this keychain.”

Jay reaches out and touches Jensen’s forearm, who is suddenly grateful for the gentle touch, giving him more courage to go on.

“I guess it’s safe to say I didn’t cope well. I spent eight years with huge walls around me, I vowed to myself I would never love anyone ever again. I learned that life is too fragile, it can be gone in an instant, and I couldn’t risk going through that again. Plus, I knew I would never find someone I loved as much as I loved Justin. So I built thick walls around my heart, nobody would ever have access to it. Eventually I simply forgot how to feel, with time my heart grew colder and colder. I dedicated myself to my work, built my own agency, made a name for myself. I’m married only to my career, I always believed it was enough. Never thought something could be missing.”

They stay in silence for a long time, processing everything, and eventually Jay removes his hand from Jensen’s forearm, making him feel instantly colder. Jay runs his fingers over the music note keychain for a few moments, and speaks without taking his eyes off it.

“Sorry I bought this. Thought you would like another pretty thing. But that keychain is special, Justin gave it to you, this one is not, only a cheap thing. Sorry, sorry.”

Jay makes a motion to put the keychain in his hoodie pocket, but Jensen puts a hand on his arm to stop him. “Don’t. Can I have it?” Jensen shows Jay his palm, and he places the keychain on it. Jensen closes his fingers around it. “This one is so special too Jay, you have no idea. It means the world to me that you sacrificed so much just so you were able to get me this. This is just as precious as the one Justin gave me.”

Jensen gets up from the couch and tilts his head indicating Jay should follow. “Come on.” Jensen goes to his bedroom with Jay in tow. He sits down on his bed and places the Golden Snitch back in place, around the metal bar on the headboard. Then, he does the same with the music note, placing it right next to the first one, both side by side, holding a place of equal importance.

“See?” He turns to look at Jay. “Both will stay here now, and I love the one you gave me just as I love the other one.”

The smile Jensen can see on Jay’s face is worth the whole world.

*

Jensen has to go to the office in the afternoon, even though he’s not feeling completely up to par but there are some things he needs to do, including a scheduled meeting he can’t get out of. Especially since it’s Friday and there’s a whole weekend ahead. It doesn’t mean Jensen wants to go to work and leave Jay behind, and that’s a first. He has put his work before anything ever since Justin’s death, and now he wishes he was somewhere else. Jensen still can’t believe he finally opened up about Justin, and to Jay of all people. Ever since the tragedy he hasn’t spoken about him to anyone, ever. He attended Justin’s funeral as he was supposed to, but he didn’t say a word. He had already shut down by then. His family had tried to talk him into going to therapy but Jensen refused, he didn’t need it. For years he never realized how much it hurt him to bury Justin so deeply, to pretend he didn’t exist.

With Jay he felt a deep need to talk, to share his story. It felt like he couldn’t keep it inside anymore or he would explode. And Jensen is glad he let it out, it feels like a huge weight has been finally lifted off his chest after eight years.

Jensen had never thought he would once again feel so comfortable around anyone as he feels with Jay. The dude is a huge mystery to him, he knows nearly nothing about him, but does know that Jay is special. Just a little while ago Jensen couldn’t even stand looking at him, but that changed. Yes, Jay is ugly with all those scars, but it feels like suddenly that doesn’t matter anymore. Suddenly Jensen feels the need to have Jay close.

Before leaving for work, Jensen had told Jay he could stay in his apartment until he came back, saying he could take a shower and just chill, watch TV or play if he wanted to. Jensen had suggested picking up a pizza for them after leaving work, but Jay said he could do it, there’s a nearby Domino’s and he could go get the pizza before Jensen arrives, since he would be tired from work. So Jensen left some money with Jay so he could buy the pizza.

There’s an idea forming in Jensen’s mind after everything that happened between him and Jay. He can’t stand the idea of the guy sleeping in that cold, tiny cubicle in the basement. There’s a spare bedroom in his apartment, he only keeps a desk and some book shelves there, it isn’t a guest bedroom since Jensen never has guests, but he could invite Jay to come live in it. He knows Jay would never accept it without giving something in return, so Jensen thinks he could hire Jay, he does need someone to run errands at the agency, he is sure Jay would appreciate having an opportunity like this. And he could stay safe and warm in Jensen’s spare bedroom. Old Jensen couldn’t even stand the idea of having a roommate, but things are different now. Jensen suddenly feels very excited with the idea, the only thing he needs to do is to get a spare bed.

So as he leaves the agency he stops at a nearby furniture store, buying a nice bed and a soft mattress. He is sure Jay will love it. He will need to get some new sheets, pillows and blankets, but he can do that tomorrow, since the bed won’t be delivered tonight. Jay could even go with him to pick out what he likes, they could spend a nice Saturday out. Maybe Jared can use Jensen’s couch to sleep while waiting for the bed to arrive, it’s a very comfortable and wide couch. Jensen just cannot _wait_ to tell Jay all about it, to ask him to stay.

Jensen drives home and parks at his usual spot. As he gets out of the car, he spots Jay in front of the building, pizza box in one hand, talking to someone. It’s dark so it’s hard for Jensen to tell who Jay is talking to, maybe Chad?

Suddenly though he hears raised voices and sees Jay stumbling backwards… and Jensen’s heart stops as he sees a knife, pointed directly to Jay’s middle. The scream that leaves Jensen’s mouth is already too late. He’s already running as he watches in horror as the knife penetrates Jay’s abdomen, hearing the strangled pain-filled sound that comes out of him, pizza box falling from his limp hand to the ground, like everything is happening in slow motion.

“NO!” Jensen screams as he finally gets closer, just in time to see the guy pulling out the bloody knife. He only has a glimpse of the face, and it looks familiar. It takes a nanosecond for Jensen’s brain to provide the information: it’s the guy who mugged him weeks ago, the guy Jay saved him from.

The guy is already running away but Jensen couldn’t care less - he only has one focus. Jay is slowly falling, but Jensen manages to catch him before hitting the ground, going down on his knees trying to support Jay’s weight, easing it slowly down.

At that moment the door to the building opens and Jensen barely hears Chad’s voice.

“What happened?”

“Call an ambulance Chad!” Jensen screams before focusing entirely on Jay. His face is uncovered since his hoodie has fallen from his face. Jensen uses an arm to support Jay and cradles his face with his other hand.

“Jay? Jay can you hear me? Please Jay talk to me!”

Jay makes a tiny movement with his head, and his eyelids flicker. “Jen…”

It seems like that single world took all of Jay’s effort to come out. “It’s okay Jay, I’m here with you, help is on the way okay? Hang in there.”

Jensen assesses Jay’s body, and there is a lot of blood pouring out of the wound in his abdomen. Balancing Jay’s body on his knees, Jensen manages to remove his jacket and place it on the wound, applying pressure. Jay’s face is quickly turning paler and paler, and he can barely keep his eyes open. There’s blood everywhere, including all over Jensen’s arms, and he’s getting desperate.

_This can’t be happening._

“Jay, stay with me please! Don’t leave me!” Jay is too still, his eyes barely moving, and Jensen feels hot tears running down his face. He looks up, holding Jay tight, and begs. “Justin, please. If you’re up there, please help me. I know I screwed up and I don’t deserve your help, but I’m begging you now, please. _Save him_.”

Jensen looks down and in the middle of his desperation his eyes catch the tattoo on Jay’s arm, visible below his rolled-up sleeves. For a moment he watches in awe as the last petal falls from the rose that once had so many petals, leaving it bare. How is this possible?

But Jensen’s attention is averted from it when Jay’s head rolls to his side, his eyes closing completely. Desperate, Jensen places two fingers on Jay’s neck, feeling no pulse at all.

“No. No, no, no, _no_!”

Jensen lets go of the spot he has been applying pressure to grab Jay’s face, lifting it back up. He takes a look at that scarred, marred face that he once was so repulsed by, but now to him it’s the most beautiful face in the world. Without thinking he leans down and plants a hard kiss on Jay’s unmoving lips, tears streaming down his face, eyes closed shut.

Jensen breaks the kiss so he can press his forehead against Jay’s, caressing his cheek, pouring every single emotion he has in his body and soul, every ounce of feeling left in him, into his desperate confession spoken just an inch from Jay’s mouth.

“I love you, Jay.”

Jensen kisses him again, not only his mouth but his face, cheeks, forehead. Every part of Jay’s face he can touch with his lips. He can’t let Jay go without knowing how he feels like, what he tastes like.

Jay’s eyes open slowly, making Jensen gasp out his shock and astonishment. When their eyes meet and he stares into those beautiful hazel eyes, Jensen is struck by a sense of belonging. Of _home_. He knows those eyes, he saw them in a dream.

“Jay?”

A sort of strange glow envelops Jay’s whole body. It’s very soft, but it’s there, shimmering over every inch of him. Jensen has no idea what’s happening and he doesn’t have a chance to figure out because the paramedics arrive, gently taking Jay from him to start their assessment.

Chad gently pulls him aside, bearing up most of Jensen’s weight since he can barely keep himself up right now. They watch in silence as the paramedics take care of Jay’s wound and place him gently but quickly on a stretcher.

“Can I ride with him?” Jensen asks, taking a step forward, his hand unconsciously reaching out to Jay.

One of the paramedics asks if Jensen is related to Jay, and he can’t find his words to answer but thankfully Chad does it for him with a knowing look in his direction.

“No he’s not but Jay doesn’t have a family. He has been living with Jensen though, and he takes care of Jay. He’s pretty much the only family Jay has.”

The woman studies Jensen for a moment, clearly seeing his distress which makes it obvious he cares deeply for the wounded man. “Okay, you can come.”

Jensen wastes no time climbing into the ambulance, Chad telling him he will meet him at the hospital. Jensen sends him a preoccupied nod and wave as the doors close between them. He turns his focus to Jay, who has his eyes closed and a huge oxygen mask covering his barely visible face. Jensen takes one of his hands in his own, holding tight, hoping to transfer some warmth to him.

“Please be okay, Jay. Please.”

Jensen is too distressed to notice the slight changes happening to Jay’s face and body.

*

They arrive at the emergency room and the paramedics rush Jay inside. Jensen follows them but a nurse stops him as Jay is wheeled through the double doors to the operating rooms.

“Sir, you’re gonna have to wait here, please.”

Jensen stays frozen on the spot, at loss of what to do, just staring at the doors intently, as if he could see Jay behind them somewhere, if he only had X-Ray vision.

A nurse calls for his attention a few times before Jensen notices it, and he slowly turns towards her, raising an eyebrow in question.

“Sir, can you please come with me so you can fill out some forms?”

Jensen nods and follows her without saying a word, but as they reach the counter he realizes he doesn’t know anything about Jay, so he shakes his head.

“Sorry, I--hm I don’t know much about him. Jay, he was homeless, he couldn’t remember anything about himself, maybe he had--has amnesia. He has been living with me for a few weeks. All I know is that he calls himself Jay.”

The nurse nods and writes down a few words. “Okay, so he’s a John Doe.”

“No!” Jensen tells her firmly. “His name is Jay, he’s not a John Doe. _I know him_!”

The nurse only answers with an ‘okay sir’, probably so Jensen won’t argue further. Thankfully Chad arrives at that moment, and rushes towards Jensen.

“How is he?”

Jensen just shakes his head before answering in a low voice. “I don’t know. They just took him inside.”

The nurse tells them a doctor will be by to talk to them when there’s any news, but for now they have to wait. Chad gently steers Jensen towards the bathroom. “Come on dude, you need to clean up.”

Jensen looks down and realizes he’s covered in blood. Jay’s blood.

“Jay… Chad he…” His voice gets caught up in his throat, his eyes welling up again.

“I know man, I know. Let’s just get you cleaned for now.”

They enter the bathroom and Chad takes Jensen’s shirt off. “I grabbed you a clean one before coming. It should fit well enough till you get home.”

Jensen washes himself as best he can in the sink without paying much attention to what he’s really doing. Chad rubs soap into Jensen’s arms to help get rid of the drying blood, and gets paper towels so Jensen can dry himself. He puts on Chad’s t-shirt and they return to the waiting room in silence. As they walk by the nurses’ station, the one nurse who had been talking to them calls them.

“Gentlemen, Jay has been taken to surgery. You may want to wait in the lounge on the 10th floor, you might find it more comfortable, plus it’s closer to the ICU recovery wing.”

Jensen nods, trying to process it. Surgery, Jay has been taken to surgery. Of course, he got stabbed in the abdomen, he lost tons of blood. Of course he needs surgery.

Chad directs him to the elevators, thanking the nurse, and soon they arrive at a much quieter waiting room. They check in with a new nurse who tells them to wait, the doctor will talk to them when the surgery is over.

Both men sit down in the chairs and Jensen leans forward, grabbing his head with both hands, trying to calm himself and even out his breathing. This can’t be happening, it’s a bad dream, that’s the only explanation. Chad brings him a glass of water and Jensen forces it down. He didn’t even realize how thirsty he is.

“Everything was fine, Chad.” Jensen speaks in a soft voice, staring at the plastic cup in his hands. “I was going to ask Jay if he wanted to come live in my spare bedroom. I even bought--god. I even bought him a bed earlier today. Thought I could hire him to work for me at the agency. Give him an opportunity.”

Jensen can feel Chad’s eyes studying him for a while, and then he speaks in a soft voice. “Dang, Ackles. I’ve known you for a while and I never thought I’d live to see the day you were going to fall for someone, let alone an ugly homeless dude. And to think you gave me hell for bringing him to our building. Life is really unpredictable, I still can’t believe all of this happened.”

Jensen gives Chad a humorless laugh, and tilts his face a bit towards him. “I also don’t know how this happened, dude. Really. I mean, I was really pissed when you brought him, but back then… I was a different person. Let’s just say I was hiding behind a lot of walls and layers. All I know is that one minute I can barely look at the guy and before I can even understand what’s happening, he’s just _there_. And then all of the sudden I can’t be without him anymore. I don’t know when things shifted exactly, but now…”

Jensen trails off and Chad finishes for him. “Now you love him.”

Jensen doesn’t answer, it’s pretty obvious by now. He lowers his head again. “Now Jay may as well be dead, I may lose him forever just as I lost…” Jensen purses his lips and looks up, tears filling his eyes. “I don’t even know anything about him.” Jensen says instead, his voice trembling.

“Well, you know enough.” Chad places a hand on Jensen’s tight for support. “And I’m sure he will be alright. He will come back to the building and you can invite him to live in your place. Who knows, maybe you won’t even need that extra bed after all.” he winks.

Jensen chuckles, glad for Chad’s small distraction.

They wait for hours. Eventually two cops come talk to get their statement about what happened. Both of them say exactly what went down, Jensen tells them he saw the guy, it was the same one who mugged him weeks ago. The guys say they will do their best to catch him and will be in touch if there are any developments.

Chad gets them coffee a few times, Jensen tries to tell Chad he can leave, he will stay and let him know if something happens, but Chad just tells him to shut up saying Jay is his friend too - he actually points out that he was friends with Jay while Jensen still hated him. That shuts Jensen up for good and he hangs his head in shame at the memory of his prejudice.

It feels like three lifetimes pass before a doctor comes into the living room asking for them. Jensen is up in an instant, rushing towards the doctor.

“Doctor, please, how is Jay??”


	7. Chapter 7

_**Jensen** _

The doctor looks at Jensen without giving nothing away. “Hello, I’m Doctor Morgan, and you are…” he asks, extending his hand to Jensen.

“Jensen, this is Chad,” Jensen quickly shakes the offered hand, his heart threatening to burst out of his chest any second now. “Please, doctor.”

“Well, I performed the surgery on… Jay, is that how you call him, correct?” Jensen nods shortly. “Okay, so Jay was stabbed in the upper left quadrant of his abdomen, causing a serious bleeding. We had to do a number of transfusions, and also his spleen was punctured. That’s dangerous but we removed the spleen and Jay is stable for now, but his situation is still very delicate and he needs to be monitored closely. He’s being transferred to the ICU now.”

It takes a few long seconds for Jensen to process what the doctor just said, and he shakes his head, trying to clear his thoughts. “So Jay… he’s alive?”

Doctor Morgan gives him a smile. “Yes, your friend is alive. Not out of the woods yet but we are optimistic. He went through surgery well, even though it was a delicate operation. As I said, we need to be very careful with him the next few hours to see how his body responds.”

Jensen feels his body going numb as he takes in the fact that Jay is still alive. Thankfully Chad catches him and holds him upright, thanking the doctor for the information.

“When can I see him, doctor?”

“Not for some time. His condition needs to improve first, he needs to recover from the surgery and we will see how he spends the next hours. When it’s safe I will allow visitors, but while he’s still in the ICU those will have to be short. I suggest you go home for now and get some rest. If you give your phone number at the nurses’ station, someone will call you if there are any changes.”

The doctor leaves them and Jensen still feels numb, everything catching up to him finally. Chad places a firm arm around him and Jensen collapses on his chest, suddenly feeling exhausted.

“Dude come on, let’s go home.”

Jensen shakes his head. “No, I want to stay until I know Jay is doing better.”

“Jensen, you heard the doctor. It may be a long while until you’re even allowed to see him. Plus he said they will call if something happens. You really need a shower and some rest. At least for a couple of hours. Now come on.”

Jensen barely registers as Chad takes him to his car, and drives them home. He follows Jensen to his apartment, ordering him to shower. When Jensen is done with it, Chad makes him eat a sandwich he prepared. Jensen is really not in the mood to eat but he does it anyway. Before leaving, Chad tells Jensen to sleep for a few hours before returning to the hospital. Jensen is so exhausted and drained from everything that happened that he’s unconscious within seconds.

Jensen is back in the hospital after just a few hours, he just can’t stay home knowing Jay is in the ICU. He didn’t call Chad since the guy must be so tired as well, at least one of them should get some rest. A nurse lets Jensen know Jay is recovering as predicted but it’s still too early to say anything more concrete.

Chad arrives a bit later bringing take-out for lunch. They wait for most of the afternoon until the doctor comes to let them know Jay is still making progress, and soon they will be able to ease him out of the sedation to see how he responds, making Jensen very happy. He sends Chad home for the night, he knows the man has to work in the morning. Jensen does too but he already talked to Jason, briefly explaining everything and how he won’t be at work for the next few days, asking him to take care of everything. Jason is worried and asks Jensen if he wants him to come to the hospital, but Jensen tells his friend it’s not necessary. He will keep him posted.

Jensen spends the night in the waiting room, dozing off in the armchair, and around sunrise a doctor comes to talk to him. “Morning Jensen, I’m happy to let you know Jay is doing much better. He is recovering as predicted and we have him off the ventilator, meaning he’s breathing on his own. He’s starting to regain consciousness as well. You may see him for a few minutes if you wish.”

“Yes please!” Jensen answers louder than he should, eager to finally see Jay. The doctor takes him to the ICU, asking for a nurse to assist him from then on, and telling Jensen to let him know if he has any questions. The nurse orders Jensen to wash his hands and put on a gown over his clothes. Jensen does it all quickly, and the nurse takes him to the right room.

“You can stay for a few minutes, just be careful with the tubes and wires. He’s sleeping now but could wake up at any moment.”

Jensen nods and carefully walks the few steps towards the bed. When he takes the first look at Jay’s face, he’s startled. Jensen turns around to call the nurse who’s still at the door.

“That’s not Jay.”

The woman frowns at him. “Yes it is. It’s the guy who got stabbed and brought here two nights ago. He’s the only one in this condition.” She leaves then, leaving a puzzled Jensen staring at the person lying on the bed, hooked up to countless machines. Jensen approaches the bed slowly, a deep frown on his face.

What’s happening?

There isn’t a single scar on the face he’s seeing, no uneven spots, just a clean, smooth skin and soft brown hair. Jensen stares at the beautiful face, feeling a sense of familiarity, as if he has seen that before somewhere. Jensen tries to comprehend how the fuck this happened, this can’t possibly be Jay, can it? His face wouldn’t have completely changed in two days, not even with the best plastic surgery. He would need a lot of recovery time to look like this, if he ever would.

Turmoil and confusion still rage inside Jensen when the man’s eyes start to open, very slowly. When they focus on Jensen he can see deep hazel eyes looking at him. They’re not only hazel, they’re also green, blue, yellow. The most beautiful eyes Jensen has ever seen, and at that single moment a smile escapes his lips. There’s no doubt anymore, Jensen _knows_.

“It’s you.”

Jensen suddenly feels emotional because even though it’s impossible, even though Jensen has no idea how this is happening, he knows without a doubt that this is Jay, it can’t possibly be anyone else.

A few tears escape his eyes and Jensen laughs between them, staring at that beautiful face.

“Jay.” He says the name with so much love, something he has never thought he would feel again, and yet here it is. It’s even stronger now after Jensen almost lost Jay, he doesn’t have an ounce of doubt left in him.

Jay seems disoriented for a few moments, his eyes trying to focus, as if he’s not seeing clearly yet. He blinks a few times and looks around, and his eyes finally find Jensen again, who holds his breath by the bed, looking expectantly at Jay.

Jay’s eyes soften and he licks his lips, clearing his throat to try and speak. When he does, it’s barely audible but to Jensen is the most perfect sound in the world.

“Jensen?”

Jensen smiles again, more tears falling, and he comes closer gently holding Jay’s hand in his. “Hey, Jay. How are you feeling?”

“Tired. Hurts.” Jay’s voice is just a whisper, as if just the act of talking is making him exhausted. “What h--happened?”

Jay’s eyes are already half-closed, so Jensen doesn’t bother explaining now, he won’t remember any of this. Jensen is just so glad Jay is awake and recognizes him. “Don’t worry about it now, Jay. We can talk more later okay? When they transfer you to a regular room and you’re more comfortable. I’m so glad you’re awake, Jay.”

Jay is barely awake anymore, but before succumbing back to sleep he murmurs something, but Jensen fails to catch it.

“What did you say, Jay?”

Jay opens his eyes a bit more, focusing on Jensen one last time, and speaks louder.

“‘t’s Jared.”

Jay is unconscious right after that, leaving a puzzled Jensen staring at him.

The nurse chooses this instant to come get Jensen, letting him know his time is up, the patient needs to rest. Jensen reluctantly walks out of the ICU, disposing the gown. He walks back to the waiting room and sits down, trying to think through the swirling fog in his brain.

Who’s Jared?

Jensen is too tired, seriously lacking sleep, therefore slower on the uptake. But after a couple of minutes it finally hits him.

_Jay is Jared._

Jay remembered his name. Does that mean he got his memories back? Does _Jared_ know who he is now?

“Jared.” Jensen whispers the name for the first time, allowing for it to linger in his mouth. It’s a beautiful name for a beautiful man, and Jensen instantly loves it. There are so many mysteries surrounding Jared, maybe now he will get to share with Jensen who he really is.

But then something else hits Jensen. Jared will probably remember his family, who he really is, where he came from. And he will probably go back home, wherever that is.

There’s no reason for Jared to go live with Jensen anymore if he already has a family to go back to.

A sadness that Jensen hasn’t felt in so long takes over him, slowly growing from deep within. There’s a good chance he will lose Jared after this, he must be _someone_. His family must be looking for him. People who love him will want him back. People whom _he_ loves...

Jensen promises himself he won’t be selfish. If Jared does have a family, Jensen will do everything in his power to reunite them. No, he won’t be selfish, despite how much he loves Jared and wants for him to stay. For now, Jensen just decides to wait and see what happens. And hope for the best.

*

Jensen spends the whole day at the hospital, and is able to see Jared one more time in the afternoon but the man is sleeping. The nurse tells him he woke up a few times but not for long, and is a little disoriented, which is normal. Hopefully soon he will be more aware of his surroundings. Chad joins him in the afternoon and Jensen tells him about Jared’s name and the fact that his face has completely changed, hoping Chad won’t call him crazy and have him admitted to the psychiatric ward. But surprisingly Chad just stares at Jensen and asks ‘Really? How is this possible?’ Jensen admits he has no idea, and they need to wait for Jared to wake up to give them answers.

Doctor Morgan is back and tells them that Jared’s recovery is progressing well, and if he spends the night without issues, he will be transferred to a regular room in the morning and will be able to receive visitors for longer periods. Jensen’s smile grows the size of the world at those words. The doctor talks Chad into taking Jensen home for the night, so he can have a good rest, and come back in the morning to stay with Jared, since he won’t be allowed in the ICU anymore tonight. Jensen only agrees because he really is exhausted and knows that Jared is doing better. He knows he will be back first thing the next morning.

Arriving home Jensen takes a shower and Chad brings him some chinese he had delivered, for which Jensen is grateful because cooking is literally not an option right now. Jensen goes to bed shortly after eating, and he dreams all night long about Jared’s face. He has dreamed about it before, and now he knows who that beautiful and perfect face belongs to. How is it possible Jensen dreamed about Jared’s real face before actually seeing it? And again, how is it possible that Jared has a different face than the one Jensen knew?

Jensen arrives at the hospital first thing in the morning, eager to see Jared. The nurse tells him Jared will be transferred to a regular room very soon, and he will be notified when it happens. Jensen decides to go to the cafeteria for some quick breakfast having skipped that in his rush to get to the hospital. He has some much needed coffee so he can get through the day.

Some time after returning to the lounge room, the nurse tells Jensen he can go down to the 5th floor where Jared has been moved. Jensen does as told and another nurse there directs Jensen to the right room, telling him he can stay with Jared, for which Jensen is very happy.

Jensen enters Jared’s room and finds him with his eyes closed on the bed, and it’s good to see he’s hooked up to a lot fewer wires and machines than he was in the ICU. Jensen pulls a chair close to the bed and sits down. He reaches out and runs a hand through Jared’s soft hair and down his face, unable to stop staring at it. Jensen places his free hand on Jared’s arm, and as he quickly looks down, he notices another very strange thing.

There is not a single trace of a tattoo on Jared’s arm. Not even a scar, as if the tattoo was removed with laser, just nothing. Jensen runs a finger up and down the skin, and it’s clearly as smooth as it should be. Jensen frowns as he stares at the blank spot, adding another mystery to the list.

“Who are you, Jared?” Jensen whispers as he focuses on Jared’s face again, and notices some faint movement, signalling approaching consciousness.

“Jared? You’re with me?” Jensen squeezes Jared’s hand, and the man weakly squeezes back. “Jay?”

Jared’s eyes slowly open, and Jensen waits expectantly. Hazel eyes finally focus on him, and Jensen smiles.

“Hey Jared,” Jensen greets the man without letting go of his hand.

A weak frown forms on Jared’s face. “You know my name?”

Jensen chuckles, staring lovingly at the man in front of him. “You told me, remember silly?”

Jared’s frown deepens, and he stays quiet for some time, as if he’s deep in thought. “Oh my god,” he whispers, as if he’s in awe.

“What’s wrong?”

“I…” Jared blinks a few times as he stares at Jensen. “I remember. Everything, I--my life. Who I am. Oh my god, do I…” Jared brings his hand to his face, his eyes widening. “Is my face back?”

Jensen is unsure how to answer that question, so he just takes his phone out of his pocket and turns on the front camera, turning it to Jared so he can see himself. “Take a look for yourself.”

Jared stares at himself and his eyes immediately fill up with tears. “Oh my God, I’m me again.” His gaze travels to Jensen. “It’s over Jensen, I’m back to normal!”

“Jared, can you please explain to me what’s happening because your face is different, your tattoo is gone and I have no idea what’s happening.”

Jared quickly looks at his arm, noticing for the first time it’s not inked anymore. “It’s really gone.” Jared looks back at Jensen. “It was a curse. A witch put a curse on me, I got ugly and lost all memories of who I was, and the curse had to be broken before the last petal fell otherwise I’d be like that forever. I can’t believe this is over, Jensen.”

Jensen is shocked to hear Jared was _cursed by a witch,_ but he quickly recovers and smiles. “And now you know your name, and I do too. Jared.”

“Yeah, my name is Jared. Jared Padalecki.” Jared’s eyes widen. “Oh my God Jensen, my family! They must be looking for me! I must have been gone for months! What day is it?” Jensen tells him the date and Jared’s eyes widen even more. “Dammit, I’ve been gone for over a year! They must be worried sick, must think I’m dead! Do you think…” Jared suddenly seems shy as he looks at Jensen. “Do you think you could contact them? Tell them I’m here?”

Jensen nods. “Sure, Jared. Where do you live? Here in Dallas?”

Jared shakes his head. “No--I’m… my family lives in San Antonio, I go to college in Austin.”

Jensen feels a pang in his heart hearing that Jared lives far away from him. When he contacts his family Jared will go back to his normal life, Jensen is going to lose him. He doesn’t allow any of that to show on his face though, and just smiles through the pain he’s suddenly feeling.

“Why don’t you give me your mom’s number so I can call her?”

*

The call to Sherri, Jared’s mother, is very emotional. When Jensen tells her Jared is in Dallas, she breaks down. When she finally manages to calm down, she tells Jensen her son disappeared on Halloween, he went to a party on campus and nobody heard from him anymore after that night. They looked everywhere, but there was simply no sign of Jared. They did everything possible and were still looking, but the police had told them it was very likely that Jared was dead, but she never believed it. She knew her son was out there somewhere. Jensen briefly tells Sherri that Jared woke up in Dallas with no recollection of who he was, and lived on the streets for a while. Later he stayed in the basement of Jensen’s apartment building. Jensen tells her there was an accident and Jared was hospitalized and went through surgery, but he’s out of the woods and is recovering well. Most importantly, he got his memories back. Sherri promises they will be in Dallas as soon as they can get there. Jensen gives her the hospital name so they can come straight there. When he hangs up, Jensen makes another call to book a hotel room close to the hospital for Jared’s family to stay in.

_It’s gonna be fine_ , Jensen tells himself. _Jared has a whole life, he needs to get back to it. You need to let him go._

Jensen starts to build walls around himself again, so he won’t suffer as much with the prospect of losing Jared. He ignores the fact that he’s failing miserably.

Jensen keeps Jared company throughout the day, waiting for his family to arrive. Jared tells him a lot about himself, at Jensen’s own request. He shouldn’t, but he wants to know more about Jared. Chad comes to visit him sometime in the afternoon, and can’t hide his shock when he stares at Jared’s face.

“Whoa dude, you’re almost as pretty as me! Who would say?”

*

Jared’s family arrives in the evening, and Jensen welcomes Jared’s mom, dad and sister in the lounge room. They are all very emotional and hug Jensen tight, thanking him for helping Jared. If only they knew how Jensen treated their son at the beginning. Jensen keeps his mouth shut of course, gives them the reservation number for the hotel he booked so they can check in later, and leads them to Jared’s room. Knocking lightly, Jensen opens the door and peeks inside.

“Hey Jared, there are some people here who would like to see you.” Jensen doesn’t wait any longer as he opens the door and allows for Jared’s family to rush inside, all of them getting extremely emotional with their reunion. Jensen watches from the door feeling like an outsider, as if he doesn’t really belong.

Jensen makes a decision right then: he leaves. He takes one last look at Jared, who is looking at his mother with tears on his face, and turns around. It’s best that Jensen goes, Jared is with his family now, he got his life back. He will be released in a few days and go back to San Antonio, then definitely back to college as well in Austin. He must have so many friends there, Jensen is sure everyone loves Jared. Maybe he even has someone, someone he may have forgotten with the curse. Jensen doesn’t have a place in this life, and it’s probably for the best. Maybe his mission was to help Jared and get him back to his family. And Jensen is very happy he did it, he is happy Jared got his life back even though Jensen’s heart is breaking into a million pieces.

Jensen drives straight to work, he doesn’t want to go home and be alone with his thoughts. Jason is surprised to see him there, having assumed he would stay in the hospital the whole day, but he tells his friend Jared doesn’t need him anymore.

Jason looks at him with a deeply worried face, and speaks with a soft voice. “Why don’t we go grab some lunch? If you want to talk about it I’m here.”

Jensen decides to open up to his friend, telling him everything that happened and how he ended up falling in love with the ugly homeless guy he loathed so much in the past. “Don’t mock me please,” Jensen asks in a miserable tone, looking down at his empty plate.

“Never, my friend. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you like this, in fact I never thought I would again. This Jared dude really touched you, huh?”

Jensen shrugs. “Yeah, I guess. But it’s over now, Jason. Jared will go back to his life and I won’t be selfish and ask him to stay. I don’t even know if he would like to stay, probably not. He probably can’t wait to go back to his old life, he won’t even remember I exist in a few weeks.”

Jason opens his mouth to say something but Jensen is already getting up, making clear the conversation is over. “Let’s go back to the office.”

*

Jensen buries himself in work for the next few days, including during the weekend. By the time he arrives home he’s so tired he only has time to take a shower, eat something and fall on his bed. He doesn’t allow himself to think about Jared, about what is happening to him. He’s with his family and that’s what matters. Chad comes by to ask if Jensen won’t visit Jared, but he brushes his neighbor off, claiming he’s too busy. Chad may think he’s back to being a dick again, but maybe it’s for the best. The bed arrived a few days after Jared was hospitalized, Jensen was tempted to return it but decided to keep it, just in case he had any visitors. He _had_ changed, after all.

Jensen wakes up on Tuesday and as he’s getting ready for work, his phone rings. He assumes it’s Jason, but when he picks it up from his nightstand, Jensen notices it’s Jared’s mom. His heart gets cold instantly and he quickly answers the call.

“Sherri? Everything okay with Jared?”

“Oh so you _do_ remember me then.”

It’s Jared’s voice and Jensen is frozen on the spot.

“Jay--Jared.”

“Hey Jensen… it’s been a while since I last saw you.” His voice has a hurt tone to it and Jensen feels instantly like the asshole he used to be.

“Sorry Jared, I… I’ve been too busy with work, and you have your family now so… but how are you? You sound like you’re doing better.”

“I am. In fact I’m getting discharged later today.”

Jensen can’t help the smile that escapes his lips. “That’s so great Jared! I’m so happy for you!”

“Yeah, I’m happy too.” Jared’s voice turns softer. “I was wondering… well, if you’re not too busy that is, if you could come see me before I go home. I’d like to talk to you.”

Jensen’s first instinct is to say that no, unfortunately he can’t go because he has to work, he is too busy. But what comes out of his mouth is something else entirely.

“Sure, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

*

Jensen’s heart is beating a mile a minute as he arrives at the hospital and goes to Jared’s room. He has no idea what he will find, and what Jared wants to talk to him about. His stomach has a ton of butterflies in it as he knocks on the door, and hears a muffed ‘come in’. He slowly opens the door, and finds Jared on the bed, in street clothes, ready to go home. Jared smiles at him and Jensen smiles back, all the love he feels resurfacing just by looking at those amazing hazel eyes.

“Hey Jared.”

“Hey Jensen. Come here.” Jared pats the bed, and Jensen timidly walks to it, sitting down next to Jared.

“How are you, Jared? I see you’re doing good.” Jensen smiles as he looks at Jared’s face, still not used to it.

“Yeah, I’m good. Not 100% yet, but the doctor said I can keep recovering at home.”

“That’s great.” Jensen tries to hide the hurt tone in his voice, Jared will be going far away from him very soon.

“Hey Jensen…” Jared starts, playing with a loose thread on the sheet. “First I wanted to thank you for what you did to me, for taking care of me. Can’t ever thank you enough for everything.”

Jensen scoffs. “Well, I was a huge jerk to you at first. And I said some mean things to you.”

“It’s okay. You got better. And I guess it was a shock at first, seeing how ugly I was.”

“That’s not an excuse.”

“Maybe. Do you…” Jared slowly looks up, facing Jensen and his cheeks turn pink, as if he’s really shy about what he wants to ask, and his voice is low. “Do you think I’m beautiful now?”

They stare at each other for a few moments before Jensen answers. “No I don’t.” Jared’s face falls, his eyes widening, but Jensen quickly goes on. “I think you’re _more_ beautiful now. You have never _not_ been beautiful. I can see that now.”

Jensen feels lighter admitting that, and Jared smiles at him. He remains silent for a little while, but Jensen can tell he has more to say, so he patiently waits.

“There’s something I need to tell you, Jensen. I told you I was cursed by a witch, but I didn’t tell you the details of this curse, and how it got broken.”

Jensen frowns, he really hadn’t thought about that. “What happened?”

“Well…” Jared starts, looking intensely at Jensen. “Her name was Kendra, she went to college with me and was kinda obsessed with me. I turned her down a few times because well, I’m gay. Turns out, she was a witch. And one night, during a party I rejected her again and she had enough of it. She put something in my drink and I blacked out. Next thing I knew I was in Dallas, in a unknown house. She tried coming onto me again, but I said no. Then she cursed me. She said I was gonna lose all my beauty and the memories of who I was, if she couldn’t have me then nobody else would. A tattoo of a rose appeared on my arm, and she said I had until the last petal fell to break the curse.”

Suddenly Jensen remembers the last petal falling while Jared was dying in his arms. “I--I saw it falling, the last petal. It happened right after you were stabbed, you were bleeding out in my arms, and I thought I was hallucinating.”

Jared smiles at him, his face showing something Jensen couldn’t catch. “Yeah, the curse was broken right there.”

“How? What would take to break the curse?” Getting stabbed maybe?

“I had to find a person with a cold heart and make them fall in love with me. Kendra knew that was impossible, that’s why she did it. I knew that too, so I didn’t have any hope to find that person.”

Jensen can’t say anything, his mind traveling a mile a minute, and Jared asks him a question, cocking his head to one side.

“Did you fall in love with me, Jensen?”

Jensen could deny it. He could tell Jared that no, it was not love, he was just helping someone out, doing charity. It would be the easy way out. But as Jensen stares into those soulful eyes, that face he saw in a dream, he knows what he is going to say.

“How could I not?”

Jared and Jensen just stare at each other for a long moment. Jensen can see Jared’s eyes welling up, and he feels himself getting emotional as well.

“You broke the curse, Jensen. You saved me.”

Jensen smiles, emotion pouring out of his eyes as he reaches for Jared’s hand, holding it tight, and Jared squeezes it back.

“That night, when you… well, when everything happened, I was going to ask you something. I didn’t want you to go back to that basement ever again, so after leaving work I stopped at a furniture store, I… I got you a bed.” Jensen looks down at their joined hands, suddenly feeling shy saying that. “I was going to ask if you wanted to come stay in my spare bedroom. It would take a few days for the bed to arrive, but I thought you could sleep on my couch while the bed wasn’t there. I thought about hiring you to work for my agency, I could use someone to do a little bit of everything, you know? I thought you would do well. I was going to tell you all of those things while we had pizza, but… well I arrived and saw the guy stabbing you. All plans went down the drain.”

Jared squeezes his hand even tighter, reaching out to wipe a tear from Jensen’s face and then places a finger under his chin to make Jensen look at him.

“Did you… did you kiss me? I don’t know if I was hallucinating or not, but I think I felt _something_ , I am just not sure.”

Jensen nods. “Yes, I did. Sorry, I was desperate, you were dying in my arms and at that moment I finally realized what I was feeling and it was stronger than me, and I…”

“Can you kiss me again?”

Jensen shuts up and his eyes widen. “What?”

Jared just shrugs. “Well, you kissed me but I didn’t get to kiss you back. I don’t think that’s fair, do you?”

Jensen smiles, knowing he shouldn’t do it because it will hurt a thousand times more later, but he just can’t _not_ do it. He scoots closer to Jared, who leans over. Jensen places his other hand gently on Jared’s face, running his thumb over his cheek. They stare deeply at each other as Jensen slowly closes the distance between then, and closes his eyes when he finally feels the touch of soft lips on his. Jensen lets out a deep breath, the feeling of being home hitting him again as he kisses Jared. They deepen the kiss just a bit, Jensen tentatively licking inside Jared’s mouth, and what a great taste that is. Jared presses his mouth harder against Jensen’s for one last time before breaking the kiss. Jensen opens his eyes slowly and finds Jared staring right into his soul.

“I love you too, Jen.”

At that moment the door opens, breaking the spell and causing Jensen to jump back. Jared’s whole family, alongside a nurse pushing a hospital wheelchair, barges in, and Jensen stands up.

“Time to go home, baby! Just got all the papers and you’re ready to go!” Sherri turns to Jensen, noticing him there. “Oh Jensen honey, thank you again for what you did for my son! We will be forever grateful!”

Jensen smiles at her. “It was my pleasure, Sherri.” He then turns to Jared, giving him a sad smile, finding the man staring straight at him, and forces his voice to come out steady but he fails at the last word. “Bye Jared. I’m glad you’re getting your life back. Hope it all goes well for you.”

Jensen turns away one last time, knowing full well that the image of Jared will be forever etched in his mind, heart and soul.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song for this chapter - Wait for it!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ms3mJFkSeg)

_**Jared** _

Jared has been back home for a few days now. He is supposed to be happy, the curse was broken, he has his face and memories back, he is no longer a homeless ugly nobody. Jared is back with his family, and he will be able to return to college in a few days, as soon as he’s fully recovered. He will be very far behind in coursework, but it’s okay, he’ll catch up. It’s all very good, and Jared is supposed to be happy. And he is, he really is.

Except that something is missing. Ever since Jared got back home there isn’t a single moment he hasn’t thought about Jensen. It’s so funny how important Jensen has become to Jared in such a short period of time. And how he went from fearing Jensen because the man couldn’t stand him, to being so close to him.

The day it all went to shit, Jared was happy for the first time, truly happy. He had taken care of Jensen by himself, and Jensen had allowed for Jared to stay in his apartment as he went to work. Jared had volunteered to go buy pizza for them so Jensen didn’t have to do that on his way home. It was scary for Jared to face people, even for the simple task of buying a pizza, but for Jensen he could do it. He had spent the afternoon cleaning up Jensen’s apartment wanting to feel useful. He also played some music, he really loved to play the piano. Then Jared went to buy the pizza, but was attacked on the way home. Jared felt a sharp pain, then weakness, and then nothing.

But Jensen was there. Everything is a blur to Jared, but he remembers Jensen’s face so close to his. He was almost completely unconscious but he remembers the feeling of Jensen’s arms around him and Jensen’s lips on his.

When Jared woke in at the hospital it felt like an avalanche of memories was tumbling in his brain. He remembered his life, who he was, he got his face back. It was a huge relief. And Jensen even reunited Jared with his family. Everything was supposed to be perfect, but then Jensen disappeared after Jared’s family arrived. At first Jared thought Jensen didn’t care about him anymore. But then it dawned on Jared, there was only one way for the curse to be broken, meaning someone cold-hearted had to fall in love with him. Jared didn’t see Jensen like that but he actually was, though with time Jensen started opening up more, slowly, after what he went through with Justin. Jared was glad to see his family and to have his memories back, but Jensen was really the one person he truly needed.

And if the curse was broken, that meant Jensen had fallen in love with him. The realization hit Jared like a truck, what Jared assumed to be impossible really did happen. Jared knew he had to talk to Jensen one last time before going home. It was such an emotional moment, when Jared got to hear from Jensen himself that he loved him, when they finally kissed (without Jared being semi unconscious). But right when Jared admitted his own feelings they got interrupted by Jared’s family, and Jared didn’t have the chance to say anything else to Jensen. The hurt look in Jensen’s eyes as he stared at Jared one last time, broke his heart. There was so much more to say, but Jared didn’t get a chance.

And now Jared is back home but nothing here makes sense anymore. Jared takes a look at his piano that he doesn’t feel like playing. He played ever since he was a kid, he always had a natural talent to it, and he just always loved it. He even used to keep a keyboard in his room at college. But now he just can’t bring himself to do it, it’s pointless if Jensen isn’t here to listen. He misses Jensen like air, and it gets harder to breathe without him with each passing day. Jared wonders when exactly he fell in love with Jensen but he just can’t tell. It was so natural, when Jared realized what the feeling was, it was already deeply rooted inside of him. He wonders if Jensen misses him as well, if he still has the keychain. He said he would keep it alongside the golden snitch one (now Jared recognizes what it is) but who knows, maybe he ended up realizing it was not as important as the other one. Jared is sure he can’t compete with the love Jensen feels for Justin.

There’s a knock on the door, and since Jared is alone in the house he gets up from his bed to answer it. Must be one of his friends coming to visit, glad to have him back - it has happened a few times since he returned.

But when Jared opens the door, he finds himself facing Kendra.

“What are you doing here?” Jared asks with his eyes widened, fear and anxiety surfacing.

“Hi Jared. Heard you were back.” The witch doesn’t wait for an invitation, just barges right into the house. Jared leaves the door opened as he turns to look at her.

“You need to leave.”

Kendra just clicks her tongue and cocks her head to the side. “I don’t think so, Jared boy. First I need to know how the hell you broke that curse.”

Her face transforms into anger, and Jared feels increasingly afraid. He just can’t go through that again, _he can’t._ He tries to keep his voice steady and not to show the fear he’s feeling. “Well, I did what you told me. I found someone with a cold heart who fell in love with me.”

Kendra’s face turns red. “No! That’s impossible! That’s why I cursed you like this, because there was no way you would find that person, especially looking like you did. If I couldn’t have you, then nobody else could!”

Jared raises his eyebrows, showing more confidence than he’s feeling. “Well, you guessed wrong.”

Kendra is breathing heavier now, as if she’s barely containing her anger. “Well well, I guess we are gonna have to curse you again. And make sure it never gets broken this time!”

Jared knows he has to run, needs to get away from Kendra, but before he can react the witch grabs his forearm, the same one she placed the rose tattoo on. Jared’s heart sinks and he knows he’s doomed, but before Kendra can do anything she flinches and lets go of his arm abruptly, shaking her hand as if she got burned.

“What is happening? What are you doing?” She asks, shocked, looking from his face to her hand and back again.

“I didn’t do anything!”

Jared watches as Kendra’s face turns from surprise to pain, as a strange fluid glow emanates from her. Jared doesn’t understand what’s happening, if this is another curse she’s placing on him, and can’t do anything to stop the silver radiance as it leaves Kendra’s body and flows into Jared. He feels a warm tingling inside, trying to understand what is it, but somehow it doesn’t _feel_ like a curse.

Kendra finally looks at Jared, and for the first time he can see she’s scared. “You stole my magic!”

“I didn’t steal anything! You are the one who touched me. I don’t want this!”

Kendra places both hands on her hair, pulling at it. “This is not possible, it’s not possible. What did you do??”

Jared shrugs. “I didn’t do anything. Perhaps the evil in the unwarranted curse you put on me rebounded upon you, robbing you of what is so precious to you, just as you robbed me of _my_ life. And I’m absolutely not sorry that you’re powerless now. You can finally leave me alone. And you will not hurt anyone else with it either.”

“And what are you going to do with MY magic?”

Jared smiles at her. “I’m going to pursue my happily ever after.”

Jared can’t tell exactly what changed in him with the magic he inherited from Kendra. At first he was afraid it was something evil like her - she had disappeared after leaving Jared’s house and nobody has heard from her and Jared hopes it stays that way - but as it turns out, it’s not evil. It’s just pure power, it’s only evil if you have that intent. Since Jared doesn’t intend to use it at all, then he’s safe. It does serve to give him courage though. He has had enough of missing Jensen.

Jared makes his final decision after a conversation he has with Chad. His friend had found Jared on Facebook and added him, Jared messaged Chad his phone number and they are able to chat, Jared telling Chad a bit about how his life is and asking about his friend in return. And of course, Jared has to ask about how Jensen is doing, can’t help it.

“Jared, your dude is miserable man. He went back to being a hermit and not talking to anyone but I don’t think it’s because he’s an asshole dick like before. Few times I’ve seen him, he was not great. I think he’s really hurting, bro. Can you believe it has been ages since he last brought someone home with him? If I remember correctly, it was waaay before he started hanging out with you. And even now that you’re gone, nothing. If I would bet, I’d say your boy is really missing you.”

Jared thinks a lot about that conversation with Chad, he even talks to his mom about it, asking for advice. Jared had assumed she would brush him off, say Jared would get over it, that was nothing, just gratitude he feels for the help Jensen had given him. But Sherri must have sensed something in Jared after he came back, because what she tells him is unexpected.

“Honey, if the place you wish to be is by Jensen’s side, then you need to do what’s right for you. I’m so eternally grateful to have you here with us again, but I know you can’t stay forever. Knowing you’re safe and happy is the only thing I want. Just follow your heart, Jared. And if it leads you to Jensen, that is where you are meant to be.”

_**Jensen** _

Jensen takes a look at the piano on a corner of his living room, which he had covered with a sheet since he can’t look at it anymore. He can’t get rid of it either though. It’s like he can see Jared playing, hoodie-covered head looking down, deep in concentration. Jensen can even hear the music if he focuses enough.

God, he misses Jared. It hurts so much it’s like he’s missing a limb. Jensen didn’t think this would affect him so much, he thought he would be good after a couple of weeks but he’s not. He’s doing worse. The only thing Jensen does is work, he doesn’t feel like interacting with anyone, he doesn’t even bring guys home anymore. He even tried a couple of times, went to the bar to pick someone up, but he gave up on the plan after finding a person and realizing it wasn’t Jared. If before Jensen wouldn’t even have hesitated, his dick growing harder even while he was still flirting with the guy, now he feels disgusted. For the first time ever, Jensen went home by himself after trying to pick someone up. He’s _that_ pathetic. Jensen knows it has to end sometime, but can’t see it happening anytime soon. That's why Jensen didn't want to fall for anyone ever again after what happened to Justin. Once again he lost someone he cares deeply about, and it hurts more than Jensen can put into words. But surprisingly, even if he could Jensen wouldn't change a thing. He doesn't regret opening himself up to Jared, allowing himself to feel again. It was all worth it. Jared is worth it.

Before Jensen can help it, he walks to his room and picks up the music note keychain Jared gave him that rainy night. Jensen gets emotional thinking about that day, thinking back to the many mean things he said to Jared. Jensen came to the conclusion that was the night he realized he was in love with Jared, even if he couldn’t put a name on the feeling yet, or voice it. When Jensen realized Jared was gone and was very unlikely to return, Jensen got desperate. When Jared showed Jensen the keychain, that simple cheap plastic thing that Jared got for him… something in Jensen changed irrevocably. Jensen had been dead inside for so long that when that intense feeling hit him, it was hard to even draw a breath.

Jensen stares at the music note in his hand, standing in the middle of his living room, and he genuinely wishes Jared is happy wherever he is now. He could try to get in touch with Jared, see how he is doing, but he won’t do it. It would hurt too much to hear Jared’s voice, knowing his life is far away from Jensen now. Jensen doesn’t even know if Jared still thinks about him anyway, or if he would like to be in touch. By now Jared must be back in college, fully adjusted to his old life again. Jensen wishes he could learn how to let go, at the same time as he wishes Jared was here with him.

The doorbell rings and Jensen lets out a sigh, wondering who it is. Probably Chad since the intercom didn’t buzz. Chad has tried to get Jensen out of his funk, but he turned his neighbor down every time, he does not want to interact with anyone. Jensen puts the keychain on the end table and opens the door already preparing his rejection speech to Chad.

But finds Jared at his doorstep instead.

Jensen’s jaw drops and his eyes widen. He blinks a few times to see if Jared will disappear, but he’s still there, as real as ever.

“Jared?” Jensen’s question is no more than an awed, wondering whisper.

Jared smiles at him, proudly brandishing a pizza box from Domino’s in his hand. “I believe I owe you a pizza.”

Jensen’s mind is running a mile a minute, everything is too confusing right now and he says the first thing that he can think of.

“You came all the way from San An or Austin or wherever, just to bring me pizza?”

Jared’s smile widens, and he reaches to his side, picking up something Jensen hadn’t seen yet, since it was hidden behind the wall. It’s a suitcase.

“Well, I was kinda hoping that bed you mentioned was still available. Oh, and I actually bought the pizza at the Domino’s down the street, it would be gross if I had brought it all the way from San An with me. Ew.”

It takes a few moments for what Jared just said to sink in. When it does, Jensen stares at him in shocked disbelief. “You--you’re staying?”

Jared shrugs. “If you would have me, I would very much like to.” When Jensen can’t answer, Jared speaks again. “Can I come in? Hallway conversation is a bit uncomfortable. Plus the pizza’s getting cold,” he winks.

Jensen shakes his head to clear it, and emerges out of his state of shock. “Oh my god, yes! Come in!” Jensen takes Jared’s suitcase from him and carries it inside, putting it in a corner. He also picks up the pizza box and places it on the table. Then he turns to look at Jared. Jensen is dying to touch him, to come closer, but first he needs to understand what’s happening.

“Jared… can you please explain? Weren’t you going to college in Austin? I thought you were happy about going back to your life.”

Jared shrugs. “Well, I was. But I realized something was missing. So I made a decision. I transferred to the campus here in Dallas, and I needed a place to stay. Then I remembered you mentioned having a spare bed. I was hoping that invitation to stay with you still stands.”

Jensen doesn’t say anything for a while, processing what Jared just shared. He transferred his college to Dallas, he came here to stay with Jensen. Jensen was going to invite Jared to stay with him before it all went to shit, and now Jared is here. To finally stay with him. It’s everything Jensen dreamed of and he doesn’t even know what to say.

“Well…” Jensen clears his throat as he tries to find his voice. “That bed has your name on it.”

Jared smiles and closes the distance between them, suddenly wrapping his arms around Jensen. “I missed you, Jen.”

Jensen hugs Jared back so tight, closing his eyes as he buries his face in Jared’s neck, trying to feel every inch of him, and he feels his eyes welling up. “I missed you too Jared.”

They break apart slowly but keep their arms around each other. Jared’s eyes are red as well when he looks at Jensen. “I liked it better when you called me Jay. And I have something else to tell you. Actually I did tell you already but we got interrupted unfortunately, so lemme do it again. I love you, Jen.”

Jensen can’t stop the tears that flow down his face as he hears that, having his dream coming true right in front of him. “I love you too, Jay.”

Jared smiles, showing Jensen his adorable dimples. “Good. Because I was thinking you had forgotten me already. I mean, you were an asshole before, you _did_ change, but I wasn’t sure I was important enough for you to remember me forever. Not like you remember Justin. And I don’t want to compare myself to Justin, I mean you grew up with him and he died, and he was like _the_ most important person in the world to you, so who am I to compete--”

“Jared.”

“What?”

“Shut up, please.” Jensen pulls Jared in by his shirt and fuses their mouths together, cradling Jared’s face with his other hand. Jared wraps his arms around Jensen and they kiss passionately, finally able to do so without any reservations. They kiss for a long time, feeling and tasting each other, and suddenly Jensen wants more, he wants to feel all of Jared.

Jared probably feels it too, and he breaks the kiss slowly, placing a few soft kisses on Jensen’s face. “This is technically our first date, well, it’s not even a date, will you think I’m cheap if I put out tonight?”

Jensen chuckles. “Well, you did bring dinner and I have wine, so I’m gonna count it as a date.”

Jared’s stomach chooses that very moment to grumble. “Do you mind if we act out our date and eat first? I drove all the way from San An and I haven’t eaten anything.”

Jensen laughs out loud. “Okay then, let’s feed the growing boy!”

Jensen decides to create a small mood, he sets the table, lights up a few candles and grabs the bottle of red wine and two glasses. They sit down to eat and make a toast, raising their glasses.

“To us, finally being together,” Jensen says looking lovingly at Jared, who smiles.

“To my favorite curse breaker.”

Jensen laughs as they clink their glasses and both take a sip of the wine. They eat and make small talk, it’s good that Jared got a family sized pizza since the boy can eat. Jensen is glad Jared doesn’t have to starve anymore.

As Jared finishes his last slice he takes a look around, his gaze landing on the corner of the living room. He turns back to Jensen. “Why did you cover up the piano?”

Jensen shrugs, taking a sip of his wine. He feels more relaxed now. “It hurt to look at it knowing you weren’t here to play it.”

Jared reaches out and places a hand on Jensen’s forearm, rubbing it with his thumb. “You know, I couldn’t play the one at home either because you weren’t there to listen.”

Jensen smiles. “Well, I’m here now.”

Jared mirrors Jensen’s smile and gets up, planting a kiss on his head and walking to the piano, removing the sheet from it. He sits down and runs his hands over the keys. He pauses for a moment and soon a beautiful melody fills the air, winding its way straight to Jensen’s heart. He concentrates on watching Jared, because he was never able to see Jay’s face as he played, always hidden under the hoodie. Now Jensen can see every expression, so he gets up and walks to Jared, sitting next to him on the bench because he just wants to be that close.

Jensen focuses entirely on Jared’s face as he plays, paying attention to every detail, every small expression. Jared is concentrating but there’s a small smile playing on his lips knowing Jensen is right next to him. Jensen raises his hand and runs his fingers through Jared’s smooth hair, placing a strand behind his ear. Jensen allows his fingers to trail down Jared’s face and neck slowly, and he pulls the collar of Jared’s shirt for easy access so he can plant a kiss on the curve of Jared’s neck. At that moment, Jared misses a note and Jensen chuckles into his skin.

“Are you trying to make me lose my concentration?” Jared asks with a low voice.

“Hmm maybe I want to get you focused on something else instead. Did all of this count as a date already? Can we move forward? Are you well fed?”

Jared lets the song die bit by bit, and Jensen takes his hand, planting a kiss on his palm, creating a trail of kisses up Jared’s arm. Jared gets up from the bench to rearrange himself, sitting with one leg on each side, facing Jensen who repeats the movement. Jared wraps his legs around Jensen, crossing them behind him. Jensen pulls Jared by the neck for a kiss, and they just lose themselves in each other for a while, tasting and exploring each other’s mouths. Jensen pulls Jared’s body even closer, rocking his body against him, feeling his own dick growing hard and Jared’s as well, he can feel the heat of it against his thigh. Jared moans in Jensen’s mouth, and his heart starts beating faster.

“Let’s move this to the bed?” Jensen whispers in Jared’s mouth, who nods eagerly. Jensen gets up and holds a hand to Jared, who takes it. Jensen wraps both arms around Jared from behind and leads him to his bedroom, rubbing his erection on Jared’s ass. In return, Jared reaches behind him and grabs Jensen’s hair, planting a hard kiss on his mouth, not even caring he can’t see where they’re going. Jensen blindly guides him, and they manage to make it to the bedroom unscathed.

Jensen gently pushes Jared down on the bed, leaving him briefly so he can turn on the bedside lamp, bathing the room in a soft glow, and to put some soft music to play on his phone. He returns to Jared, who’s sitting on the bed just staring at him. Jensen positions himself between Jared’s opened legs and frames his face with both hands, leaning down to plant a sweet kiss on his lips. Jared’s hands wind their way around Jensen’s waist, holding tight, while he’s enthusiastically kissing back. Jared tastes so good, there’s a lingering taste of pizza and wine and something unique, Jensen is completely addicted to him. He should be more nervous but the wine keeps him relaxed and he feels the same vibe coming from Jared. The music also helps.

“Scoot back, come on,” Jensen whispers as he kisses the corner of Jared’s mouth, and he obliges, sliding back on the bed as Jensen follows, climbing the bed on all fours, his mouth never leaving Jared’s.

Jensen guides Jared to lie down, supporting himself with both hands on the mattress, and just taking a few minutes to look down at Jared, who returns it just as intensely, those fox hazel eyes shining at him, while a perfect song comes on his playlist.

 _I get lost in your eyes_  
_And I feel my spirits rise_  
_And soar like the wind..._  
_Is it love that I am in?_

Jensen pushes a strand of hair away from Jared’s forehead, smiling sweetly at him, and he can’t help the whisper that comes out of his lips as he voices his thoughts out loud.

“What did I do to deserve you?”

Jared raises a hand and frames Jensen’s face, his honey voice turning Jensen’s insides into mush.

“Well, quoting an old chick flick - and don’t ask me how I know that - you saw me when I was invisible.”

 _I get weak in a glance_  
_Isn't this what's called romance?_  
_And now I know_  
_'Cause when I'm lost I can let go_

Jared pulls Jensen down and he goes, kissing Jared passionately, first his mouth then his face, trailing down his jaw and neck and moving to a spot behind his ear, causing Jared to moan loudly.

“Oh, good to know,” Jensen murmurs against Jared’s skin, biting and licking at his ear. Jared wraps his arms around Jensen’s torso, lifting the hem of his shirt. Jensen allows him to take it off, and if goes flying across the room. Jensen wastes no time doing the same, he spent so long seeing Jared covered by that hoodie, he was only able to see him once when he took a shower and he can’t wait to see it all again now, for real this time, and with permission. So he helps Jared to remove his shirt as well, throwing it to the floor. Jensen sits back on Jared’s thighs to admire the view. Jared’s torso is so firm and gorgeous, those scars he saw on it are all gone, having been part of the curse as well. There’s only one scar on Jared’s abdomen, and this one is fairly new, from the stabbing and subsequent surgery. Jensen places a quick but tender kiss to it, sending a quick _thank you_ up there for the fact that Jared is still here.

 _I don't mind not knowing what I'm heading for_  
_You can take me to the skies..._  
_It's like being lost in heaven_  
_When I'm lost in your eyes_

Jensen runs both his hands up and down Jared’s torso, pinching both his nipples at once, feeling Jared’s hips buck up under his own, jolting Jensen who chuckles. “Easy there, my boy.” Jensen leans down and bites one nipple, licking around it a few times, and then moves to do the same with the other one. Jared grabs Jensen’s biceps and squeezes hard, throwing his head back. Jensen leans forward and takes the opportunity to suck on Jared’s neck long enough to leave a love mark, and then blows on it and plants a kiss there.

“Now I marked you.”

Jared grabs the back of Jensen’s neck and brings him closer, glueing his mouth to Jensen’s ear.

“I want you inside me,” Jared whispers so faintly it’s almost like a caress. Jensen’s whole body shivers and his dick grows even harder. Jensen pulls back and smiles at him.

“As you wish.’

Jensen removes Jared’s pants, slowly sliding them down those long, beautiful legs. Then he removes his own, and they join Jared’s on the floor. Jensen then slips his fingers under the elastic band of his boxers, pulling them down. His mouth waters as he looks at Jared’s huge cock for the first time.

“Oh, God.”

Removing the underwear completely, Jensen leans down and mouths at Jared’s cock, blowing hot air onto in, causing Jared to fist the sheets and squeeze his eyes shut, panting. Jensen takes his time to blow Jared, trying to fit as much as he can inside his mouth. Jared keeps a hand behind Jensen’s head, fisting his hair, to guide him. As Jared warns him he’s gonna come Jensen just nods, staring at him, message clear. Jensen swallows everything Jared gives him, to the last drop, then kisses him to share their combined tastes.

 _I just fell, don't know why_  
_Something's there we can't deny..._  
_And when I first knew_  
_Was when I first looked at you_

Jared pulls Jensen’s underwear down as well, and Jensen helps to shove it down his legs.

“Hi there,” Jared smirks, and Jensen reaches in his nightstand, fishing out a bottle of lube and a condom.

Jared looks at the items in Jensen’s hand. “I wish we didn’t have to use a condom, I would like to feel all of you. Do we have to?”

Jensen shrugs. “Well, I get tested regularly, and I haven’t been with anyone else since I did it the last time, so I’m clean.”

“I got tested while I was at the hospital as well, after… well, after everything I went through.” Jared makes it pretty clear what he’s referring to, looking suddenly shy, but Jensen doesn’t want to bring this up right now. He is just happy they can do this without any barriers. Jensen throws the condom aside and opens the cap of the lube bottle, squirting a dollop on his fingers.

“Ready?” Jensen looks straight into Jared’s eyes, giving him the option to back out. But Jared just stares back at him as intensely.

“It’s all I want.”

 _And if I can't find my way_  
_If salvation is worlds away_  
_Oh, I'll be found_  
_When I am lost in your eyes_

Jensen folds one of Jared’s legs so he can have better access to his hole. Grabbing Jared’s hip with one hand for leverage he fingers him slowly, inch by inch until his whole middle finger is inside. Jensen’s dick is rock hard as he inserts a second finger and then a third, scissoring them inside as wide as he can to stretch Jared. When Jensen is satisfied he removes the fingers, wiping them on the sheet. Then he positions himself, lining his dick with Jared’s pink hole. Jensen swallows hard as he takes Jared in, the sexy look on his face, the anticipation on it.

Jared’s chest is rising and falling rapidly, his breathing erratic as Jensen finally enters him agonizingly slowly, sliding inside inch by slow drawn-out inch, feeling the warmth of Jared surrounding him. It’s the most amazing feeling in the world when Jensen finally bottoms out, nobody else has ever felt like this. It feels like Jensen just found his missing piece, he found his home.

 _I don't mind not knowing what I'm heading for_  
_You can take me to the skies..._  
_Oh it's like being lost in heaven_  
_When I'm lost in your eyes_

Jensen searches for Jared’s hand and links their fingers as he starts to move, both staring into each other’s eyes as they become one, a connection even deeper than any surface touch. Jensen bites his bottom lip hard as he comes, burying himself impossibly deep inside Jared. Jensen leans down and kisses Jared hard and passionately as he keeps coming, rocking his body back and forth so he can feel Jared as much as possible. Jensen feels his dick going soft but he stays inside, blanketing Jared’s body with his own, kissing him languidly, allowing their bodies to cool down.

 _I get weak in a glance_  
_Isn't this what's called romance?_  
_Oh, I'll be found_  
_When I am lost in your eyes_

Eventually Jensen pulls out, feeling instantly cold at the loss of that intimate connection with Jared, and goes to the bedroom to grab a wet washcloth to clean them both. Tossing it aside he joins Jared again, and they lie side by side, facing each other.

“That was perfect,” Jensen says as he runs his fingers through Jared’s hair.

“You know…” Jared starts, his cheeks blushing. “I used to see you bringing home all those pretty guys, I watched from the basement as you came in, and I wished I could be one of them so much, wished I could be as beautiful as them so you would want me but I just knew I would never be. You would never look at me.”

Jensen rubs Jared’s face with his thumb. “Well Jay, you mean so much more than them to me I can’t even measure it, I assure you. It may have taken a while for me to realize it, to take my head out of my ass, but I’m glad I did. And I’m glad you’re here.”

Jared smirks. “I hope you will allow me to stay the night.”

Jensen laughs and leans close for a kiss. “Well my darling, how about you stay forever?”

Jared looks at Jensen meaningfully as they break the kiss. “Well, since I'm staying forever then, I was thinking…” He bites his bottom lip and raises an eyebrow. “What if we kept the other bed for guests?”

Jensen’s smile grows impossibly wide at Jared’s implication. “Good idea. Or for when we ruin this bed beyond repair and need to go sleep elsewhere.”

“Deal,” Jared says, and after a few seconds he looks up, and then back down with a frown on his face. “Where’s the music note? You said you would keep it here alongside the Golden Snitch, that it was just as important to you… did you--did you get rid of it?”

Jensen studies Jared for a couple of seconds, his face looking miserable as he believes Jensen didn’t fulfill his promise. Jensen plants a kiss on Jared’s forehead. “Be right back,” he says, quickly going to the living room to retrieve the keychain. Lying down on the bed again, he shows it to Jared.

“Jay, the keychain was here up until a few minutes before you arrived. I actually missed you so much I took it so I could just touch it. I was holding it when you rang the doorbell. Maybe it brought you to me, I certainly wished hard enough.”

Jared smiles without saying a word, a tear falling down the side of his face, and Jensen reaches out to wipe it.

“You know, Jay… I had a dream about your face, your real face, even before I saw it. Deep down I knew it was you. It was almost like magic.”

Jared’s smile grows wider and he scoots closer to Jensen, tracing his face with his fingers. “You know what, maybe it is. Maybe it was magic that brought me here.”

“Well, you know what they say…” Jensen starts, wrapping an arm around Jared, his face only an inch away from him. “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back with pizza, then you two are meant to be.”

Jared laughs and Jensen silences him with a sweet kiss. He has never been happier in his life, and just can’t wait to start their happy ending...

...or beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, who knows which chick flick Jared was referring to?


	9. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

**_Jared_ **

**Three Years Later**

“Jay! Hey Jay!”

Jared hears his boyfriend calling him from downstairs, and he instantly smiles knowing Jensen is home. He bounds down the stairs and finds Jensen on the doorstep, half inside, half outside, a smug smile on his face.

“What are you doing there, silly?”

Jensen gives him a mischievous smile. “I have a surprise!”

Jared smiles back. “What is it??”

Jensen’s eyes sparkle as he opens the door and shows Jared a dog, being held on a leash. It’s a big dog with golden fur, and it’s looking at Jared with his tongue dangling, an excited look on his face.

“Meet Harley!” The excitement in Jensen’s voice is palpable, a megawatt smile on his face. “Happy Birthday, Jay!”

Jared’s insides melt as it sinks in that Jensen got him a dog for his birthday. “Oh my god, Jen!” Jared closes the distance between them and kneels down, calling the dog. Harley comes running, and soon Jared has his arms full of a huge dog, who showers him with sloppy doggy kisses.

“Hey Harley! Are you a good boy? Yes you are! Yes you are!” Jared sounds ridiculous but he doesn’t care, he has known the dog for ten seconds and he already loves him. Jared spends a few moments playing with him, then finally remembers Jensen is there as well, so he looks up to find his boyfriend looking down at him with an amused smile.

“I see you like him.”

Jared gets up and jumps on Jensen, wrapping his arms around him. “I love him! And I love you!”

Jensen hugs Jared back tight. “I know, I love you too. And I adopted him because I was sure he would be perfect for you.”

Jared’s love for Jensen grows even more knowing he adopted Harley. “He is perfect indeed. And so are you.”

Jensen gives Jared a silly smile. “Good! Let’s take him outside then, so he can recon his new digs!”

Jared takes the leash and they walk around the boxes in the living room and kitchen, leading Harley to the backyard. Jared releases Harley from the leash and allows him to walk freely so he can get to know his new home. Jared watches his new dog as Jensen wraps an arm around his waist and kisses his temple.

“How’s the unpacking going? Sorry I said I had to work, but I couldn’t tell you why I had to leave you on a Saturday.”

Jared chuckles. “You’re forgiven. And I was just working on our bedroom. Almost done there. We should do the kitchen and living room next.”

“Alright, let’s just get Harley’s food and bowls and other stuff I got for him from the car and get him all set, then we can get to work.”

“Deal!”

Jared still can’t believe they have their own house. They finally moved in a couple of days ago and it all feels a bit surreal. Actually most of what happened over the past couple of years has been a bit surreal. Who would say Jared would get cursed and that would change the whole course of his life? Jared went through some hard times, situations he will likely never forget, but it all led him to Jensen, and everything was worth it. Jensen is the best thing that ever happened to Jared, hands down. And according to Jensen, the feeling is mutual.

At first Jared had his doubts, Justin had been Jensen’s first love, they grew up and discovered everything together, and he didn’t even dream that Jensen would ever love him nearly as much as he had loved Justin. But Jensen assured him many times, and showed him as well, that Jared is the true love of his life. Jensen jokes that Justin led Jared to him, and he has told Jared that at their hardest moment, when Jared was dying in Jensen’s arms after being stabbed, Jensen begged for Justin’s help wherever he was. And Jensen believes Justin did help him. Now Jared fully believes in Jensen’s love for him, and he knows Justin is just a memory, buried in the past. But Jared is also glad Jensen isn’t afraid to remember Justin, to talk about him, like he had been before. He was finally able to accept his death and move forward, start a life with Jared. And Jensen always says he will be forever grateful to Jared, for making him find his own heart again.

Jared has told Jensen right after he got back to Dallas about what happened with Kendra and how he got her magic by accident. Jensen was shocked at first to hear all of that, wondering what Jared would do with it. Jared didn’t know himself, and the truth is, he has never used that magic much, he doesn’t need to. One of the only times Jared allows it to leave his body and touch others around him, is when he’s playing. Jensen began to claim he was feeling hypnotized - even more that is - as Jared played, and he realized he was letting his guard down, allowing his magic to fill the air and touch others.

Speaking of, Jared can’t help remembering everything they went through to get here. After moving in with Jensen, his boyfriend hired him to work for his agency. Jared ended up falling in love with that area of work and decided to get a degree in advertising. Jensen wanted to make Jared partner but he declined, he told Jensen he wants to work his own way up, doesn’t want any privileges for being the boss’ boyfriend. Plus, Jared has to divide his time between the job at the agency and their shelter.

Thinking about the shelter always puts a smile on Jared’s face. It was something he really wanted to do, and when his parents heard about it they decided to help financially too, as a ‘thank you’ for having their son back and a way to pay it forward. With that help, Jared and Jensen were able to find a place to start their own shelter, to help homeless people just as Jared once was. Jared had voiced this idea to Jensen once, fearing he would think it was bullshit, but Jensen actually loved it, saying it would be perfect. It took some time and they had to work hard to get donations and sponsors, but it finally opened and Jared couldn’t be more proud. They have a few people that work there, but Jared and Jensen themselves like to be involved as much as they can. They were able to get a used piano for the shelter and Jared usually goes there to play for the people currently staying there. A while ago he started teaching some regulars, mostly children and teens, and it makes Jared so happy. Having a place to help people who have nothing, making a difference for them, is so incredible. Jared also uses his magic to help people who are more wary and reserved, and even traumatized. They trust Jared more than anyone else, allow him to help when nobody else can even come closer, Jared has this effect on people. He allows his power out to soothe them, to make them feel safe. It’s the best way Jared found to use the gift he received.

And finally, they were able to get their own place, their dream house. Jared and Jensen had been talking about buying a house lately, a place for them to really start a life together. They went house hunting and after a couple of months were able to find this one, not too far from their building - Chad claimed they had to stay close - and not very huge either, a two storey place with a nice backyard in a quiet street, just what they needed. Their friends all helped with the moving, and when Jared and Jensen were alone, they christened every room in the house, didn’t even wait for the beds to be reassembled. Jared blushes a bit at that memory.

Both of them spend the afternoon trying to get everything in place in the kitchen and living room, as well as playing with Harley, and then go out for dinner to celebrate Jared’s birthday. Jensen wanted to cook for them but with all the mess of unpacking, they decided it was better to just go out. Jared has a surprise for Jensen, but he is saving that for later when they’re alone. He stares at his boyfriend across the table and can’t believe how lucky he is to have someone so perfect. When they started dating, Jared admitted to feeling ashamed for what he had to do for those men while he was surviving on the streets. Sometimes the feeling was too strong, and Jared felt unworthy of Jensen, he felt filthy. But again Jensen was patient and quick to assure Jared he wasn’t filthy, and definitely _not_ unworthy of Jensen. He did what he did because he had no other option, it was a matter of survival. Jensen has apologized plenty of times for calling Jared a whore when he first found out about it, said he didn’t mean it, it was just a spur of the moment anger from the old Jensen.

Jensen has also told Jared that was the night he realized he was in love with Jared, even if he couldn’t put a name to that feeling yet, when he thought Jared was gone for good and Jensen would never see him again. The idea of losing Jared was unbearable to him. And then when Jared showed him the keychain, it only served to cement that feeling. Jensen just _knew_. Jared eventually believed Jensen, and was finally able to not feel ashamed of his actions anymore, understanding that he did what he had to do when he had no other choices. Thankfully that is all in the past now.

They drive back home, holding hands the whole time, Jared feeling happy and anxious about what the rest of the evening will bring. They finally arrive and spare some time giving Harley attention, and then Jared walks to their piano - Jensen made sure Jared knew it was theirs now, not only Jensen’s - and sits down on the bench, silently inviting Jensen to come sit next to him. Harley settles down close to them, curiously watching his daddies.

Jensen joins Jared and runs a finger over the inside of his forearm, and Jared looks at his tattoo with a smile on his face. About a year ago Jared and Jensen got matching tattoos, Jared wanted it on the same spot he had the enchanted rose, and Jensen decided to follow suit. They got a treble clef as a symbol of how music united them, how it started their deep connection, and also because the bottom of the clef forms the letter _J_. Jared’s J is for Jensen, Jensen’s J is for Jared.

Jared plays the same melody he had played the first time for Jensen, when he felt hypnotized by the piano, and he just knew he had to play. That moment was what started to change things between Jensen and him, the first crack on Jensen’s thick wall, so it holds a lot of meaning to both of them. And of course, for this special moment Jared had wanted to play it. He watches Jensen’s face a few times as he plays, and his boyfriend has his eyes closed a small smile on his face, as if he’s far away. If Jared could guess, he would say Jensen is thinking about that same moment as well.

As the music comes to an end, Jensen slowly opens his eyes and looks at Jared with adoration. “That was amazing, baby.”

Jared scoots back a bit and angles his body towards Jensen, staring intensely at him. “Jen… I chose this song today for a reason. It’s a special day and we are at a special moment in our lives, finally in our new house. So I wanted to take this opportunity to ask a question.”

Jared reaches into his front pocket and comes out with a velvet box. He opens it and shows Jensen a ring. Jensen’s eyes grow impossibly wide and he brings a hand to his gasping mouth. Jensen looks at Jared and his eyes water, at the same time as he chuckles. “Oh my god, I can’t believe it!”

“Jen, I…” Jared starts, but Jensen interrupts him.

“Jared Padalecki, I can’t believe you ruined my speech!”

Now Jared feels confused, and he frowns. “What?”

Jensen clears his throat and licks his bottom lip, returning Jared’s intense gaze. “I was gonna tell you that it may not have been love at first sight, but I learned how to love you. It was so natural, Jay. When I realized it, it was already growing inside me. You taught me not to be deceived by appearances, because true beauty is found within. I realized you were beautiful not only in the inside, but the outside too. It didn’t matter if your face or your body weren’t perfect, for me you were. And seeing your true face was only the cherry on top, because to me you were already beautiful. You gave me my life back, you made me human again, you melted the ice around my heart. I found my home in you, and I can’t believe how happy I’ve been for these past three years by your side. I can’t wait to start this new chapter in our lives together. And I can’t believe you stole my idea.”

Jensen reaches inside his own pocket, coming up with another velvet box. When he opens it and Jared sees the ring, his eyes grow as wide as saucers. It can’t be.

“You… Oh my god, you…”

Jensen kneels down in front of Jared, holding up his box. “Jay… my sweet Jay, will you marry me?”

Tears stream down Jared’s face as he realizes both had the same idea of proposing to each other at the same time. He can’t even believe how perfect this is, couldn’t be more amazing if they tried. Jared kneels down as well, in front of Jensen, and shows him his own box.

“Only if you say yes to me as well.”

Jared and Jensen stare deeply at each other, and not a single word is said. With their eyes, they give one another the only possible answer. Jared takes the ring out of his box and slowly places it on Jensen’s finger, kissing it, and Jensen does the same. Then they wrap their arms around each other, holding tight, each face buried in the other’s neck, inhaling deeply. It really feels like a fairy tale, this moment leading to their happily ever after... with just a touch of magic.

**THE END**

  _Tale as old as time_  
_True as it can be_  
_Barely even friends_  
_Then somebody bends_  
_Unexpectedly_  
  
_Just a little change_  
_Small, to say the least_  
_Both a little scared_  
_Neither one prepared_  
_Beauty and the Beast_

_Tale as old as time_  
_Tune as old as song_  
_Bittersweet and strange_  
_Finding you can change_  
_Learning you were wrong_

_Certain as the sun_  
_Rising in the east_  
_Tale as old as time_  
_Song as old as rhyme_  
_Beauty and the Beast._

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, this story has been in my mind for a couple of years now. To be more precise, the beginning of 2017. Beauty and the Beast is my favorite fairy tale, and I really wanted to write an AU of it. I know there are others out there, I've read some (my favorite is Beholder by sandymg) and I wanted to do something different, original, that would be my own version of it. At first, it would be the tradicional way, the heartless man being cursed so he would learn how to love, but then it hit me, what if I wrote a reverse AU? What if the cursed one was not the heartless guy having to find someone to love him, but an ordinary guy having to find someone heartless to love him to break the curse instead? Of course I discussed it with my team, the first person to hear this idea and tell me it was good was Heather. So I decided it could become something. 
> 
> However, I still had other stories to work on first. I was about to publish Wake Me Up When September Ends, and I also wrote many timestamps and a full sequel to it, that took a lot of my time. Also before I dedicated myself to this story I had another story to work on first, what would become Steal Me With a Sinful Swoon. Those being over, it was finally time to write this story!
> 
> I always knew Jared would be the Beast, because I have wanted to write Jared as the Beast for a while. Plus, I wanted to write something where Jared whores himself out for food, where he's poor and Jensen has money (the opposite of Steal Me) because I love that idea. So I decided to incorporate this into this story.
> 
> But it was hard to write this, so hard. I got stuck a lot of times, I had a hard time figuring out where to go more often than not. So in here I have to seriously thank Mag for helping me, for the amazing ideas and for getting me unstuck. If it weren't for her, this story wouldn't exist because I thought about giving up on the Big Bang more than once, fearing I wouldn't finish this in time. Mag, I can't thank you enough for the help you gave me!!! Also Mag ended up becoming my beta in this story, another reason to be so grateful to my friend!!
> 
> Plus, I need to thank my wifey Karri for the support for this fic as usual, for the brainstorning and most of all, for unintentionally giving me one of the most crucial ideas for this fic, the piano. You changed the course of this story when you shared that video with me! And you also unstuck me when I had no idea how to move forward. Thank you so much, you helped set the tone for this story!
> 
> It was truly a blast writing this, I've wanted to write Jensen as an asshole bc he has always been kind from the get go in my fics (grumpy sometimes, yes, but always kind). So it was a challenge to write him as a heartless dick, and an even bigger challenge to make the transition natural, from him not being able to stand even look at Jared, to falling in love with him. Mag promised me it was smooth!
> 
> Also, my biggest inspirations for this story were the Beauty and the Beast live action from 2017 and a movie called Beastly, from 2011. My Kendra is inspired on Mary-Kate Olsen's character that goes by the same name, she's the witch who curses the Beast. Plus, the tattoo idea came from this movie too. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading this, it was my pleasure writing it. Also wanna share that my favorite scene is when Jensen goes after Jared in the rain. I was almost in a trance when I wrote that, I was so focused. I love how that turned out and I love even more that Mag created an art specifically for that scene. You rock!!
> 
> Please if you can, spare a couple of minutes to tell me what you feel about it, if you like it, what you like the most. I'd love to hear your thoughts! As you guys know, we write only for pleasure and to give the writers a good story, and your comments are our payment, they bring warmth to my heart and make me want to write more!
> 
> Thank you again for sticking with me and for reading this story. I hope your day is a bit more magical after it!
> 
> Love,  
> Lullys.


End file.
